Go ahead, call me a nerd. :-)
In 1989, Sesame Street came up with this super quality t.v. special called "Big Bird in Japan". I was quite enamored with it. I'm pretty sure I watched it every morning when I was five years old. The day my dad accidentally recorded an orchestra concert over Big Bird in Japan was a particularly tense one in my family. I didn't watch it again for years until one of my college roommates bought me the dvd for Christmas one year. Shockingly, the quality of the story and singing had decreased dramatically over the years. I'm not quite sure how that happened. ;-)
Of course, now when I think about Big Bird in Japan, my brain comes up with obnoxious thoughts like, "Random Japanese people coming up to Big Bird on the street and saying "ohayo"?! Not only would they not greet a stranger, they would never use casual form when they first met him!!!"
Anyway...a few nights ago I was out on a walk, determined to have good quality communication with God about this whole transition thing that is coming up. This as opposed to pretending we don't need to talk about all that. I was sitting out by my ponds. Ueno's skyscrapers and a near full moon were reflecting off the water, and I found myself thinking about Big Bird in Japan. The movie adopts an old Japanese folktale about Kaguya Hime, a princess sent to earth from the moon for a short period of time. At the end of the story, Kaguya Hime has to return to the moon.
There is a song in the movie where she is singing to the moon, and I don't know that I'd ever thought of the lyrics before. But I dug up the song on YouTube and listened and found that the whole song was this sad transition song. A goodbye song. A journey into uncertainty. In the song, she says to the moon, "I don't know what's coming. What do you see? Moon, moon, what's in store for you and for me?" and later, "Moon, moon I don't know the future. What can you say?" I can't figure out all the words in the chorus, but here's what I can get, "Sometimes the darkness holds something bright. Sometimes the sadness turns into morning, sweet [something that rhymes with bright]. I feel so alone, but I have to go home tonight."
I watched the Big Bird in Japan clips with this kind of eerie recognition. There is a play of the folktale inside the movie, and at the end the princess is waving goodbye to Japan. And the narration says, "...and almost as she spoke, the procession from the moon appeared to escort the tearful princess back to the palace of the moon. But her old mother and father always believed that one day another golden light would appear in a bamboo stump in the forest to signal that Kaguya Hime had come back to them on earth. And who knows? One day, perhaps Kaguya Hime will return."
Me in my transition ridden state watched that with a reaction somewhere along the lines of, "WHAT?! **PERHAPS** she will return?! What kind of children's show is this being all bittersweet and sad like that?! The happy ending should be, "And Kaguya Hime told the messengers of the moon that she had come to belong in Japan, and they said, "Very well. We'll send you back to Japan very soon." ;-)
I read on good ol' Wikipedia that in the original story of Kaguya Hime, when the messengers come from the moon come to take her back, they slip a robe of some kind onto her shoulders, and as soon as she is wearing it she forgets Japan.
And this is the real uncertainty in going home this coming March. What will Japan look like from American soil? What will the vision look like with new visions, conveniently packaged in my own language, begin coming around me? What is "eternal" and what is fleeting? The only way to find out is to return, and risk that the robe dropping back onto my shoulders will erase the memory of Japan forever.
"Sometimes the darkness holds something bright." Something I treasure about transitions is that it is a good reminder of where our true stability comes from. So many things get built up as stability...friends, places, jobs, stuff...moving across an ocean with no plans for the future puts all of those in perspective. They are all flighty. Nothing can be trusted to stay the same except for Christ. But praise our unchanging God, the true rock! I'm really glad he appreciates it when I'm clingy.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
A Rant
Not that I should be allowed to write rants about evangelism...but this one's got to come out.
I saw an old friend today. Old in "Pamela's life in Japan" terms, which is to say, I've known her for about two years. She's one of the people I would qualify "a seeker" and we used to have a really close relationship. But recently, she dropped off my map. I hadn't seen her in seven months.
Tonight I learned part of the reason I hadn't seen her. I loaned her a Christian book a little more than a year ago, and she had only just worked up the guts to return it. She was worried about the conversation that would follow...something I hadn't expected since part of my early encounters with this friend was her being very excited when I offered to have dinner with her and discuss Christianity.
She has another close Christian friend, and in the course of our conversation I learned something disturbing. Her other friend had made the comment, "I can't really be friends with someone who isn't a Christian." The way my friend took this was to become afraid that if she told me she still wasn't sure about Christianity, she was going to lose my friendship. And so, we have hardly seen each other for about a year. And not at all in six months.
And this is what I have to say about that...is the Kingdom of God such a lie that we need to try to manipulate people into it? Is our God so unlovable that the only way to woe people into His arms is by threatening to remove our own friendship if they don't? Do we honestly expect such tactics to create true Christ followers? Are we running some sort of social club that we get to pick and choose who our love goes to?
The lost are treated as though they are our enemies. But they are not the enemy. They are lost. They are Christ's missing beloved.
I know that I'm really far from perfect. But I look at this situation and think that evangelism based in fear yields a lot of bad things. Maybe because the fear part isn't Gospel...it's the bad news. Are there things to be afraid of? Sure. The thought of a loved one spending eternity in hell actually scares me much less than it probably should. But the ultimate Truth is God. Whatever we see on the surface...whatever we guess is happening with our loved ones...He knows better. Love always hopes and always perseveres. Manipulation, on the other hand, gives the message that truth and love were not strong enough. Which doesn't sound much like the Kingdom of God to me.
I saw an old friend today. Old in "Pamela's life in Japan" terms, which is to say, I've known her for about two years. She's one of the people I would qualify "a seeker" and we used to have a really close relationship. But recently, she dropped off my map. I hadn't seen her in seven months.
Tonight I learned part of the reason I hadn't seen her. I loaned her a Christian book a little more than a year ago, and she had only just worked up the guts to return it. She was worried about the conversation that would follow...something I hadn't expected since part of my early encounters with this friend was her being very excited when I offered to have dinner with her and discuss Christianity.
She has another close Christian friend, and in the course of our conversation I learned something disturbing. Her other friend had made the comment, "I can't really be friends with someone who isn't a Christian." The way my friend took this was to become afraid that if she told me she still wasn't sure about Christianity, she was going to lose my friendship. And so, we have hardly seen each other for about a year. And not at all in six months.
And this is what I have to say about that...is the Kingdom of God such a lie that we need to try to manipulate people into it? Is our God so unlovable that the only way to woe people into His arms is by threatening to remove our own friendship if they don't? Do we honestly expect such tactics to create true Christ followers? Are we running some sort of social club that we get to pick and choose who our love goes to?
The lost are treated as though they are our enemies. But they are not the enemy. They are lost. They are Christ's missing beloved.
I know that I'm really far from perfect. But I look at this situation and think that evangelism based in fear yields a lot of bad things. Maybe because the fear part isn't Gospel...it's the bad news. Are there things to be afraid of? Sure. The thought of a loved one spending eternity in hell actually scares me much less than it probably should. But the ultimate Truth is God. Whatever we see on the surface...whatever we guess is happening with our loved ones...He knows better. Love always hopes and always perseveres. Manipulation, on the other hand, gives the message that truth and love were not strong enough. Which doesn't sound much like the Kingdom of God to me.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
It's that time of year...
Japanese people are gift givers. It can make holiday seasons rather interesting. Sometimes it feels like we are playing some kind of game. You lose points when you are given a gift and you get points by giving gifts. This is how I feel, anyway. I asked Aaron how many points I started with by being their English teacher and he just responded that God's grace is enough for him.
I am especially confused by my landlord. Who starts out with positive points? Is it me, because I pay him money to live there? Is it him, because he does things like rescue me with fancy drain cleaners that make my shower drain work again? I don't know. But he is constantly giving me vegetables, and once even a chocolate cake that was possibly the best cake I had ever eaten. Day before yesterday, he told me to wait when I was leaving my apartment, and then ran inside, returning moments later with a sweet potato the size of a small cat. A year ago I tried to gain some positive points with my landlord. I had baked pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving and I brought him some for him and his wife. Not five minutes after I had delivered the pie, he was upstairs at my door delivering sweets of his own.
One of my students has been supplying me with baked goods every week. She told me, "I want to support your Japanese test taking in this way." And I must admit...it was the greatest thing ever to return to Hongo Sunday night, the monster Japanese test out of the way, and find chocolate cake on my desk with a note saying, "To: Pamela. You must be tired! Have some "sweats". Fm: N." Only after she came back and asked me if she'd written down "sweets" or "sweats" did I realize she had written "sweats", but it makes the note ten times more precious. :-)
Today I received an email from a student that said, "C. and I are planning to give you a Christmas present today. She has taken care of it for 3 weeks." I kind of chuckled, wondering if I am about to receive a puppy. I'm not sure what it will be. But I am reflecting on how living in Japan has helped me a lot to receive gifts freely and thankfully. There are so many times that I get something that is *impossible* to reciprocate. And believe it or not, it is good for me. The "points" system kind of breaks down after awhile. It's no longer about "am I okay with my landlord?" It's more about...what does it mean to live thankfully and generously? This is what our relationship with God is too...He's already given us so much that the point system is broken. There is no way to "get enough points" to work our way back to equal. There is an incredible freedom in that...the "point system" being broken, what is left to do but give from the heart?
This question is, naturally, a little more persistent and weighty during Thanksgiving and Christmas. The social pressure to give out of obligation is very high. Last year I think I pretty much boycotted the social aspect of Christmas all together out of sheer rebellion against the thing. But this year, I am trying to come out and live the new life...a life founded on true generosity. It's going to be considerably more challenging than the normal way of looking at Christmas.
I'm encouraged by the fact that other Christians are thinking this way too. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend this video.
I am especially confused by my landlord. Who starts out with positive points? Is it me, because I pay him money to live there? Is it him, because he does things like rescue me with fancy drain cleaners that make my shower drain work again? I don't know. But he is constantly giving me vegetables, and once even a chocolate cake that was possibly the best cake I had ever eaten. Day before yesterday, he told me to wait when I was leaving my apartment, and then ran inside, returning moments later with a sweet potato the size of a small cat. A year ago I tried to gain some positive points with my landlord. I had baked pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving and I brought him some for him and his wife. Not five minutes after I had delivered the pie, he was upstairs at my door delivering sweets of his own.
One of my students has been supplying me with baked goods every week. She told me, "I want to support your Japanese test taking in this way." And I must admit...it was the greatest thing ever to return to Hongo Sunday night, the monster Japanese test out of the way, and find chocolate cake on my desk with a note saying, "To: Pamela. You must be tired! Have some "sweats". Fm: N." Only after she came back and asked me if she'd written down "sweets" or "sweats" did I realize she had written "sweats", but it makes the note ten times more precious. :-)
Today I received an email from a student that said, "C. and I are planning to give you a Christmas present today. She has taken care of it for 3 weeks." I kind of chuckled, wondering if I am about to receive a puppy. I'm not sure what it will be. But I am reflecting on how living in Japan has helped me a lot to receive gifts freely and thankfully. There are so many times that I get something that is *impossible* to reciprocate. And believe it or not, it is good for me. The "points" system kind of breaks down after awhile. It's no longer about "am I okay with my landlord?" It's more about...what does it mean to live thankfully and generously? This is what our relationship with God is too...He's already given us so much that the point system is broken. There is no way to "get enough points" to work our way back to equal. There is an incredible freedom in that...the "point system" being broken, what is left to do but give from the heart?
This question is, naturally, a little more persistent and weighty during Thanksgiving and Christmas. The social pressure to give out of obligation is very high. Last year I think I pretty much boycotted the social aspect of Christmas all together out of sheer rebellion against the thing. But this year, I am trying to come out and live the new life...a life founded on true generosity. It's going to be considerably more challenging than the normal way of looking at Christmas.
I'm encouraged by the fact that other Christians are thinking this way too. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend this video.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Key this Saturday and Japanese Tests
There were ten minutes left in our Key meeting this Saturday when Jenae asked us, "What has God been teaching you recently?" Normally at Key we are struggling to figure out what language to speak in. We have a commitment to being bilingual...which really means we have a commitment to everyone understanding what's going on, not necessarily true bilingualness at this point. This often simplifies our conversation quite a bit.
Yesterday, however, a Korean church member came to Key for the first time. Without being asked, he started translating what everyone was saying. I am in awe. I enjoy translating from Japanese to English quite a bit when I actually know what's going on...but his first language is Korean. It would be like me going from Japanese to Spanish.
So, we were able to get quite a bit of depth. It was lovely! This is a group of people that has never been the same even one meeting...we are constantly getting newcomers. But with one question it was obvious we have managed to create a really safe place for people to share.
I also really enjoyed the fact that, even though I brought my guitar, I did not play one stroke on it, nor was I asked to. Ken and Sungbong had the guitar the whole time and were freely sharing their worship gifts with us. I love it when people just volunteer to play instruments!
In other news, I took my impossible Japanese test today.
A nice surprise was meeting up with a girl I knew when we got off the subway. We got to check in afterwards, bemoan what a hard test it was, and hang out for awhile to take pictures of the ginkgo trees with golden leaves at the university where the test was held. My friend said she thought it would be a miracle if she passed the test, but I had to think it wouldn't be a miracle if I passed...it would be a sure sign of some kind of error at the test center. ;-)
Actually, I think the listening section went okay. But the reading and grammar section was potentially the biggest joke in the world. I was filling in bubbles thinking..."I wonder why I am even bothering to do this? I could just mark all the answers "2" and then put my head down and take a nap and I'd probably do just as well."
On the one hand, I did understand a little of one of the reading sections...it was about a girl on a date in Roppongi who saw a cat in a plastic bucket, but she thought it was a penguin. And then she got mad at her boyfriend for laughing at her. At least...that was my interpretation of it. :-)
Perhaps one day I will be able to read Japanese, and it will be an awesome day. But for now, my two months of "intensive" Japanese study are over and I'm going to return to life as usual again. Yay!
Yesterday, however, a Korean church member came to Key for the first time. Without being asked, he started translating what everyone was saying. I am in awe. I enjoy translating from Japanese to English quite a bit when I actually know what's going on...but his first language is Korean. It would be like me going from Japanese to Spanish.
So, we were able to get quite a bit of depth. It was lovely! This is a group of people that has never been the same even one meeting...we are constantly getting newcomers. But with one question it was obvious we have managed to create a really safe place for people to share.
I also really enjoyed the fact that, even though I brought my guitar, I did not play one stroke on it, nor was I asked to. Ken and Sungbong had the guitar the whole time and were freely sharing their worship gifts with us. I love it when people just volunteer to play instruments!
In other news, I took my impossible Japanese test today.
A nice surprise was meeting up with a girl I knew when we got off the subway. We got to check in afterwards, bemoan what a hard test it was, and hang out for awhile to take pictures of the ginkgo trees with golden leaves at the university where the test was held. My friend said she thought it would be a miracle if she passed the test, but I had to think it wouldn't be a miracle if I passed...it would be a sure sign of some kind of error at the test center. ;-)
Actually, I think the listening section went okay. But the reading and grammar section was potentially the biggest joke in the world. I was filling in bubbles thinking..."I wonder why I am even bothering to do this? I could just mark all the answers "2" and then put my head down and take a nap and I'd probably do just as well."
On the one hand, I did understand a little of one of the reading sections...it was about a girl on a date in Roppongi who saw a cat in a plastic bucket, but she thought it was a penguin. And then she got mad at her boyfriend for laughing at her. At least...that was my interpretation of it. :-)
Perhaps one day I will be able to read Japanese, and it will be an awesome day. But for now, my two months of "intensive" Japanese study are over and I'm going to return to life as usual again. Yay!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Sunday
This is the real story, verses all the abstract processing in the other entry.
So, Sunday was really great this week. This was partially because I was really sick this week, and so I was actually somewhat rested when Sunday came around. But it was one of those days for just being present at church.
In Japan there is a day once a year when children are brought to shrines to be blessed. Many churches have an alternative day to this where the children can get blessed. Our day was today, and we had maybe ten kids and babies in church. Everything from a month old baby nestled quietly against her mother to a missionary kid still sniffling over not being allowed candy during church.
There was also a guy at our church for the first time who I met at the youth gathering two months ago. He and Ken and I got Chinese bentos for lunch and hung out, while the kids ran around and caused fun chaos. One girl came in and gave us a crash "English" lesson. It began by asking us if she should write in Japanese or English, and I shouted out "Spanish". We had a ten section lesson of how to say "Hola" and then they dashed out again.
Apparently they are getting ready for a Christmas play which has all the elements in the making to be a wonderful time. Mostly I am excited about Jessica (the missionaries' 5 year old daughter) being Mary and Sungbong (A 30-something Korean guy at Hongo who is well loved by all the kids) being Joseph. He was informed this by Jessica's mother, and he turned to Jessica's father and said "Yoroshiku". That doesn't really translate, but in that context it probably means something like, "Please look kindly on me since I am about to marry your daughter."
The new guy at church was a good guy as well, and commented how everyone just left after the service at his other church, but he really liked being able to hang out at Hongo. He definitely got baptized into our community...we young folk were all enlisted to stuff pew cushions into covers that Etsuko accidentally shrunk while ironing. After a valiant battle we managed it. :-)
I was reminded just how much I love my church...where else can you get a 10 second "English" lesson from a seven year old Japanese girl, check in with a woman you've been praying with and talking to for months since she got evicted from her apartment and hear about the new place she's moved into, get in pew cushion cover stuffing contest which is looked on by a bunch of women making pumpkin bread, get in deep conversations about how we figure out our future and depend on God at the same time...and what it really means to depend on God anyway, and worship all in the same day?!
So, Sunday was really great this week. This was partially because I was really sick this week, and so I was actually somewhat rested when Sunday came around. But it was one of those days for just being present at church.
In Japan there is a day once a year when children are brought to shrines to be blessed. Many churches have an alternative day to this where the children can get blessed. Our day was today, and we had maybe ten kids and babies in church. Everything from a month old baby nestled quietly against her mother to a missionary kid still sniffling over not being allowed candy during church.
There was also a guy at our church for the first time who I met at the youth gathering two months ago. He and Ken and I got Chinese bentos for lunch and hung out, while the kids ran around and caused fun chaos. One girl came in and gave us a crash "English" lesson. It began by asking us if she should write in Japanese or English, and I shouted out "Spanish". We had a ten section lesson of how to say "Hola" and then they dashed out again.
Apparently they are getting ready for a Christmas play which has all the elements in the making to be a wonderful time. Mostly I am excited about Jessica (the missionaries' 5 year old daughter) being Mary and Sungbong (A 30-something Korean guy at Hongo who is well loved by all the kids) being Joseph. He was informed this by Jessica's mother, and he turned to Jessica's father and said "Yoroshiku". That doesn't really translate, but in that context it probably means something like, "Please look kindly on me since I am about to marry your daughter."
The new guy at church was a good guy as well, and commented how everyone just left after the service at his other church, but he really liked being able to hang out at Hongo. He definitely got baptized into our community...we young folk were all enlisted to stuff pew cushions into covers that Etsuko accidentally shrunk while ironing. After a valiant battle we managed it. :-)
I was reminded just how much I love my church...where else can you get a 10 second "English" lesson from a seven year old Japanese girl, check in with a woman you've been praying with and talking to for months since she got evicted from her apartment and hear about the new place she's moved into, get in pew cushion cover stuffing contest which is looked on by a bunch of women making pumpkin bread, get in deep conversations about how we figure out our future and depend on God at the same time...and what it really means to depend on God anyway, and worship all in the same day?!
Being and Doing
My senior year at college I took a seminar about vocation. For my final project, I wrote this paper about the vocation of the church as an institution...I had to make the title that long and fancy because the professor didn't know what I was talking about when I said I wanted to write about the calling of the church. Really the issue I was wondering about was one that had bothered me ever since I did an internship in urban ministry...what is more important: evangelism or social action?
But amid the "Great Commission" enthusiasts that I read about, and those with bleeding hearts for the materially poor, there was one dissident voice. I think it was Mennonite. They said that the church existed simply "to be".
Actually, I scoffed at this at the time. I was a senior in college, trapped in a classroom when there was a world out there in need of acting Christians. I wanted out. I was through with books and wanted real people, the needier the better. I wanted to DO.
Recently I was listening to a friend talking about her ministry and she talked about it being simply to "be"...to live among the people she was living with. I've heard people say other things like that before, and it always strikes me. I've had friends tell me they are jealous of my sense of calling before...this idea that I know what I want to do. I am constantly off trying to start prayer movements, prayer rooms, activities...but what is the goal of all this?
The reason I pray is not because I'm one of those people who really gets a kick out of praying. I once read an article by an intercessor who was describing one day where it was really difficult for her to pray and how it made her understand Christians who were not intercessors. I read the article thinking..."That's amazing...her one day having a hard time praying is what prayer is for me EVERY day." I pray out of a love for God, not out of a love for prayer. The reason I take a whole day to do it a week is because I spent the first half of the day fighting to even sit down at all. It takes me a day to get a good hour with God.
So, no. The goal isn't the activities themselves. The goal is that a whole lot of people, whether Christian or non (the difference in ministering to the two groups doesn't seem so different anymore) would come to know God's heart for them. The activities are just trying to set up situations where that will happen.
There is a book called "Captivating" about women. In the book, I remember there being one woman who they described as constantly striving. They presented this idea that all that was really required of her from God was to exist...that she was enough as she was without all the projects. The book describes her as "softening" at that point and saying how it would be both sad and a relief. Sad because she had spent so much time striving.
There was another woman in the book who was very active in the church. She made the decision to stop leading Bible studies and women's groups and the like, earning her intense criticism from other church leaders. But there was a peace around her after that that hadn't been there before.
These two stories stuck out to me quite a bit at the time, and I've been remembering them again recently (though I've probably butchered the retelling a bit). Part of me is yearning with everything it has just to let go...to let the world run itself and Jesus be savior. Another part of me is condemning myself as apathetic or complacent or lazy or whatever.
This week a girl named April is praying and fasting about starting a prayer house in Tokyo. She felt led to ask me and two other people to be especially devoted to the project this week and to pray and fast along with her. Yesterday she asked me to come to the prayer house and pray with them, and I was filled with dread. Do you want to know what I did? It was a Monday...I always stay at home on Mondays. But I just wanted to be with Kat and Jenae. So, I went out and watched a super intense movie and hung out in a five person group (an awkward dynamic in and of itself). Not the most restful, Sabbath type activity. But, as I am sitting here writing this, I have to think I would do it again. Because, at the end of the day...it's the people I have close relationships with that I really want to give myself to.
Is it really possible that the best way to give oneself to God, that the greatest calling one can have, is simply to be?
But amid the "Great Commission" enthusiasts that I read about, and those with bleeding hearts for the materially poor, there was one dissident voice. I think it was Mennonite. They said that the church existed simply "to be".
Actually, I scoffed at this at the time. I was a senior in college, trapped in a classroom when there was a world out there in need of acting Christians. I wanted out. I was through with books and wanted real people, the needier the better. I wanted to DO.
Recently I was listening to a friend talking about her ministry and she talked about it being simply to "be"...to live among the people she was living with. I've heard people say other things like that before, and it always strikes me. I've had friends tell me they are jealous of my sense of calling before...this idea that I know what I want to do. I am constantly off trying to start prayer movements, prayer rooms, activities...but what is the goal of all this?
The reason I pray is not because I'm one of those people who really gets a kick out of praying. I once read an article by an intercessor who was describing one day where it was really difficult for her to pray and how it made her understand Christians who were not intercessors. I read the article thinking..."That's amazing...her one day having a hard time praying is what prayer is for me EVERY day." I pray out of a love for God, not out of a love for prayer. The reason I take a whole day to do it a week is because I spent the first half of the day fighting to even sit down at all. It takes me a day to get a good hour with God.
So, no. The goal isn't the activities themselves. The goal is that a whole lot of people, whether Christian or non (the difference in ministering to the two groups doesn't seem so different anymore) would come to know God's heart for them. The activities are just trying to set up situations where that will happen.
There is a book called "Captivating" about women. In the book, I remember there being one woman who they described as constantly striving. They presented this idea that all that was really required of her from God was to exist...that she was enough as she was without all the projects. The book describes her as "softening" at that point and saying how it would be both sad and a relief. Sad because she had spent so much time striving.
There was another woman in the book who was very active in the church. She made the decision to stop leading Bible studies and women's groups and the like, earning her intense criticism from other church leaders. But there was a peace around her after that that hadn't been there before.
These two stories stuck out to me quite a bit at the time, and I've been remembering them again recently (though I've probably butchered the retelling a bit). Part of me is yearning with everything it has just to let go...to let the world run itself and Jesus be savior. Another part of me is condemning myself as apathetic or complacent or lazy or whatever.
This week a girl named April is praying and fasting about starting a prayer house in Tokyo. She felt led to ask me and two other people to be especially devoted to the project this week and to pray and fast along with her. Yesterday she asked me to come to the prayer house and pray with them, and I was filled with dread. Do you want to know what I did? It was a Monday...I always stay at home on Mondays. But I just wanted to be with Kat and Jenae. So, I went out and watched a super intense movie and hung out in a five person group (an awkward dynamic in and of itself). Not the most restful, Sabbath type activity. But, as I am sitting here writing this, I have to think I would do it again. Because, at the end of the day...it's the people I have close relationships with that I really want to give myself to.
Is it really possible that the best way to give oneself to God, that the greatest calling one can have, is simply to be?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Transitional times come again
These past few weeks, I have observed that I am in all out Transitional State of Being. But it feels different from how it's ever felt before. Usually, to be in transition is to be in mourning. Usually, my mind is flipping through morbid thoughts like, "This is the seventh to last time I'll be doing this." But I haven't found myself filled with dread at all. My reaction has been more along the lines of falling in and out of love with every vision, person, and opportunity that comes my way. The whole world feels like it is charged with potential.
I'm watching all the prayer things happening in Tokyo with this kind of joyful confusion. Well...joyful confusion is kind of my normal state anyway. Joy because it is witnessing what I have watched and prayed for. Joy in knowing that, even if my prayers were the tiniest part in this coming about, part of the wall we are building in Tokyo has been constructed by my hands. Confusion because...I hardly feel part of it now. But at the same time, different groups come up to me and say, "We hope we can count on you to help with this!" and yet I still must pray for and encourage them to reach out to each other. To me this is another 2+2...if multiple people are called to raise up a house of prayer, they are automatically a team. Especially if one of them has a house and the other does not. We shall see how God brings all of it about, though.
On the homefront, I listened to my parents talk about things happening in Lander. It is exciting stuff. A few Sundays ago they had a special service where they pulled all the pews and opened up stations for worship, art, intercession, confession, healing, and maybe other things. The line for healing was so long that the service went almost two hours. There were so many people in the confession line that they had to reallocate people to help out there. So, good stuff.
In the meantime, my dad has done a lot of work with setting up a "One Stop Center" in Lander. It is designed to be a place where the poor can come and get spiritually based support. The Center should ideally be connected to churches and aid organizations throughout the town and be able to refer people to the appropriate organization. It's a little ironic, because the center has always struggled with money. They were recently given a large amount of money, but they are struggling now with staffing and vision.
When the One Stop Center opened my senior year of college, I was so jealous that it was opening several months before I graduated, because I would have gone back home and taken that job in a heartbeat. But the timing was never right, and then God called me to Japan.
And I find myself asking my dad today, "Can you hold it open until April when I get back?"
In my mind there is this fully formed vision. Is it part of the One Stop Center in Lander? Is it part of one of these prayer rooms in Tokyo? Is it something completely new? Is it with friends I already have? Will it be with people I have yet to meet? It's like I have the what and the why but the who, when, and where are completely missing.
But this is what I know...with all my heart I long to have a house that is a safe place. Not for a family, though I might have a family and they might be part of it too. And not as a pastor of a church, though I hope many churches will be involved. It will be a house of prayer. It will be a house where people can stop in to talk at any time. It will be a place where the poor are welcomed and transformed. I have had this vision in some way, shape or form since I was in preschool. And so, ministry sometimes feels like dating...it's like I'm running from ministry to ministry and person to person asking, "Is this the place? Are you the people?"
And so, over and over again, I get pulled into these ministries that are close...but then so confused when they don't come together like what I am looking for. Other dreamers are sometimes the most painful because they'll come alongside and dream, but won't fully commit to it.
Transition times always bring the vision out more fully because I feel myself tempted by so many options...there are so many places that I imagine could be transformed into this place I've always carried in my heart. Sometimes I feel like I see it everywhere. Maybe the potential really is everywhere, and it's waiting for me to be ready rather than the environment to be right. I don't know. But these days, I feel like a walking contradiction so much of the time...falling in and out of love, in and out of excitement, in and out of even feeling like I'm part of a group. I'm afraid to reach out because there is a strong chance that 24 hours later my heart will be cold about the very thing it was ablaze about. And so, I wait.
I'm watching all the prayer things happening in Tokyo with this kind of joyful confusion. Well...joyful confusion is kind of my normal state anyway. Joy because it is witnessing what I have watched and prayed for. Joy in knowing that, even if my prayers were the tiniest part in this coming about, part of the wall we are building in Tokyo has been constructed by my hands. Confusion because...I hardly feel part of it now. But at the same time, different groups come up to me and say, "We hope we can count on you to help with this!" and yet I still must pray for and encourage them to reach out to each other. To me this is another 2+2...if multiple people are called to raise up a house of prayer, they are automatically a team. Especially if one of them has a house and the other does not. We shall see how God brings all of it about, though.
On the homefront, I listened to my parents talk about things happening in Lander. It is exciting stuff. A few Sundays ago they had a special service where they pulled all the pews and opened up stations for worship, art, intercession, confession, healing, and maybe other things. The line for healing was so long that the service went almost two hours. There were so many people in the confession line that they had to reallocate people to help out there. So, good stuff.
In the meantime, my dad has done a lot of work with setting up a "One Stop Center" in Lander. It is designed to be a place where the poor can come and get spiritually based support. The Center should ideally be connected to churches and aid organizations throughout the town and be able to refer people to the appropriate organization. It's a little ironic, because the center has always struggled with money. They were recently given a large amount of money, but they are struggling now with staffing and vision.
When the One Stop Center opened my senior year of college, I was so jealous that it was opening several months before I graduated, because I would have gone back home and taken that job in a heartbeat. But the timing was never right, and then God called me to Japan.
And I find myself asking my dad today, "Can you hold it open until April when I get back?"
In my mind there is this fully formed vision. Is it part of the One Stop Center in Lander? Is it part of one of these prayer rooms in Tokyo? Is it something completely new? Is it with friends I already have? Will it be with people I have yet to meet? It's like I have the what and the why but the who, when, and where are completely missing.
But this is what I know...with all my heart I long to have a house that is a safe place. Not for a family, though I might have a family and they might be part of it too. And not as a pastor of a church, though I hope many churches will be involved. It will be a house of prayer. It will be a house where people can stop in to talk at any time. It will be a place where the poor are welcomed and transformed. I have had this vision in some way, shape or form since I was in preschool. And so, ministry sometimes feels like dating...it's like I'm running from ministry to ministry and person to person asking, "Is this the place? Are you the people?"
And so, over and over again, I get pulled into these ministries that are close...but then so confused when they don't come together like what I am looking for. Other dreamers are sometimes the most painful because they'll come alongside and dream, but won't fully commit to it.
Transition times always bring the vision out more fully because I feel myself tempted by so many options...there are so many places that I imagine could be transformed into this place I've always carried in my heart. Sometimes I feel like I see it everywhere. Maybe the potential really is everywhere, and it's waiting for me to be ready rather than the environment to be right. I don't know. But these days, I feel like a walking contradiction so much of the time...falling in and out of love, in and out of excitement, in and out of even feeling like I'm part of a group. I'm afraid to reach out because there is a strong chance that 24 hours later my heart will be cold about the very thing it was ablaze about. And so, I wait.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Because I shall be too excited to sleep for awhile...
Today was incredibly awesome. Just...awesome. My thoughts are still dancing.
Today a speaker from the International House of Prayer in Kansas City (IHOP) came to speak in Tokyo. She is Portuguese. I think I mentioned in another blog entry that a Portuguese pastor working in Tokyo is one of the people with a vision for a prayer house. What I didn't realize is that part of the reason the speaker came was because her daughter had moved to Tokyo. Her daughter is one of the many worship leaders for IHOP...she is a young Portuguese American woman with a five year old daughter...and she is awesome on the piano.
I honestly think I have found my heart. Prayer on its own isn't my heart. But this. Oh my. I called one of my friends tonight to explain it to her and spent the first five minutes or so just babbling absolute nonsense. Something along the lines of, "It was so...oh, it was amazing! I mean...It was...it was the best thing ever...it was just...it was like...you use some instruments, and...man, it was great!" Somehow, she wasn't getting the picture from that stunning description. ;-)
But what this is, is the prayer and worship style used at IHOP called "Harp and Bowl". The Harp is worship and the Bowl is intercession, and it is a loose structure that puts the two things together. I found myself on the worship side of it and just. blown. away.
It works like this...a worship leader begins with a song based in pretty simple chord progressions. Everyone sings it together, and then a lead intercessor takes up the prayer. They pray a Biblical passage, and emphasize a specific phrase they want the worshipers to focus on. For example, we worked out of Ephesians where it says, "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you". The emphasis would be on hope. And so one of the worship leaders sings ad lib about hope...using another Bible verse that comes to mind or repeating the same verse as the intercessor. Out of that, a simple melody is taken and built on. The intercessor grabs things out of that and goes back to crying out to God, and then it returns to the worshipers who praise God based on the prayer.
I don't know if that sounds overly complicated...it's actually pretty simple. The feel of it is a simple melody everyone can just weave their own worship into. So...I came up to try leading it with one other woman and the "pro" worship leader and it was basically three people who had never sung together before making absolutely beautiful three part harmony on the spot.
And I realized that my favorite part of praying with people really isn't being the one who "leads out"...that one takes courage for me every time. But this. It is my favorite part. Listening to the person who leads out and agreeing along with them. Adding my little tidbits to what they are praying. Praising the awesome God who is hearing every word. I never considered that that part of corporate prayer could be done with music, but my heart has been won forever. I am reasonably certain I could do this for my entire life and never get tired of it.
Things are crazy insane in Tokyo right now in the best possible way. As of yesterday, I have spoken to or heard about four separate people not connected to each other who have all decided it is time to start a house of prayer here. I listen to the Portuguese pastor talk and nearly explode from the way he is able to put the vision I thought I had been carrying all my myself into words. He stood in front of us to close us tonight and said, "I have this vision for a house of prayer in the center of Tokyo...God is doing something here, and I don't think it's a church, but a ministry that we will all need to come together and contribute to." And it takes all my strength to keep myself in my chair. Though these people are the sorts who might not be so put off by a young missionary getting up to dance in the middle of their meeting. ;-)
I keep looking at all of this and thinking...this is crazy. God pulled me into this vision only 10-11 months ago, and already it is exploding everywhere. I look at others who have had to wait for so long. And the suffering I have endured waiting for things to get to this point feels like absolutely nothing. Haha...may I remember that the next time it seems like God is doing nothing for an eternity and that I feel I will die because of it. He always returns. And in the silences, His great plans are born.
Today a speaker from the International House of Prayer in Kansas City (IHOP) came to speak in Tokyo. She is Portuguese. I think I mentioned in another blog entry that a Portuguese pastor working in Tokyo is one of the people with a vision for a prayer house. What I didn't realize is that part of the reason the speaker came was because her daughter had moved to Tokyo. Her daughter is one of the many worship leaders for IHOP...she is a young Portuguese American woman with a five year old daughter...and she is awesome on the piano.
I honestly think I have found my heart. Prayer on its own isn't my heart. But this. Oh my. I called one of my friends tonight to explain it to her and spent the first five minutes or so just babbling absolute nonsense. Something along the lines of, "It was so...oh, it was amazing! I mean...It was...it was the best thing ever...it was just...it was like...you use some instruments, and...man, it was great!" Somehow, she wasn't getting the picture from that stunning description. ;-)
But what this is, is the prayer and worship style used at IHOP called "Harp and Bowl". The Harp is worship and the Bowl is intercession, and it is a loose structure that puts the two things together. I found myself on the worship side of it and just. blown. away.
It works like this...a worship leader begins with a song based in pretty simple chord progressions. Everyone sings it together, and then a lead intercessor takes up the prayer. They pray a Biblical passage, and emphasize a specific phrase they want the worshipers to focus on. For example, we worked out of Ephesians where it says, "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you". The emphasis would be on hope. And so one of the worship leaders sings ad lib about hope...using another Bible verse that comes to mind or repeating the same verse as the intercessor. Out of that, a simple melody is taken and built on. The intercessor grabs things out of that and goes back to crying out to God, and then it returns to the worshipers who praise God based on the prayer.
I don't know if that sounds overly complicated...it's actually pretty simple. The feel of it is a simple melody everyone can just weave their own worship into. So...I came up to try leading it with one other woman and the "pro" worship leader and it was basically three people who had never sung together before making absolutely beautiful three part harmony on the spot.
And I realized that my favorite part of praying with people really isn't being the one who "leads out"...that one takes courage for me every time. But this. It is my favorite part. Listening to the person who leads out and agreeing along with them. Adding my little tidbits to what they are praying. Praising the awesome God who is hearing every word. I never considered that that part of corporate prayer could be done with music, but my heart has been won forever. I am reasonably certain I could do this for my entire life and never get tired of it.
Things are crazy insane in Tokyo right now in the best possible way. As of yesterday, I have spoken to or heard about four separate people not connected to each other who have all decided it is time to start a house of prayer here. I listen to the Portuguese pastor talk and nearly explode from the way he is able to put the vision I thought I had been carrying all my myself into words. He stood in front of us to close us tonight and said, "I have this vision for a house of prayer in the center of Tokyo...God is doing something here, and I don't think it's a church, but a ministry that we will all need to come together and contribute to." And it takes all my strength to keep myself in my chair. Though these people are the sorts who might not be so put off by a young missionary getting up to dance in the middle of their meeting. ;-)
I keep looking at all of this and thinking...this is crazy. God pulled me into this vision only 10-11 months ago, and already it is exploding everywhere. I look at others who have had to wait for so long. And the suffering I have endured waiting for things to get to this point feels like absolutely nothing. Haha...may I remember that the next time it seems like God is doing nothing for an eternity and that I feel I will die because of it. He always returns. And in the silences, His great plans are born.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Full Saturday
This morning I dragged myself out of my apartment to do something I had never done before. One of my Korean friends invited me out to do evangelism on the campus close to our church eons ago. I could write an entire entry on my thoughts on tracts, evangelism without relationship building, and perhaps five or six more related topics. But needless to say, a rather frightened, praying-under-her-breath Pamela arrived at the university clock tower about ten minutes late.
We gathered under a tree, sang some hymns in Korean and English, and then took some time to share what God had been showing us during the week in our Bible reading. It's been awhile since I had been in a group that did that, and I was reminded how much I love the accountability. It was a long time of exhortations. The leader of the group retold the whole story of Elijah running from Jezebel, waiting for God on the mountain through the earthquake and fire, and how God finally spoke in a still voice. A British man gave a long, animated exhortation about the book of Ruth and told how God uses the weakest, smallest people. His Japanese wife stood next and, with many fewer words, reminded us of the verse of the cross being foolishness to those who are perishing, but the power of God to those of us being saved. She took comfort in this in the rejection that often comes with sharing the message of the cross.
We all prayed aloud together at the same time, and there was power in the prayer. We didn't "lead anyone to Christ" today, but one high schooler heard the Gospel for the first time; we had a decent conversation with a girl who had studied abroad in Australia and didn't wish to discuss delicate things such as religion; and at the end we had a really fun chat with three guys who were smoking and hanging out by a motorcycle. The guys kind of laughed with us and let us know that Japan has no religion (an often said phrase). Japan has no needs. They repeated. Perhaps two minutes later they had revealed that one of them went to church with his grandma rather often and another had read the whole Bible. This country blows my mind, I tell you! I love Japanese young people a lot.
My verdict on this kind of outreach...dangerous and probably harmful if you think you can just drop a message and run, but potentially wonderful if one is willing to show love and be vulnerable.
It also opened up a connection I had been hoping to make for awhile, because one of the Assemblies girls came to my church afterwards. We had a small Key meeting...truthfully I hadn't expected anyone because I hadn't initiated at all. But it turned out to be four of us. Conversation was deep, real, and God centered. Yay!
I went straight from Key to western Tokyo for the "Sixth Month Checkup" of Global Day of Prayer. We decided once a year wasn't enough. But I must say, this meeting was far more meaningful to me than the one last May.
Stan--the leader of a revival prayer group there--had a wonderful program he called "A Concert of Prayer". With each subject, we would pray as a solo (just on our own), a trio (with the people next to us), and then as a symphony (as the whole group). Every section was moved on by worship songs.
I knew I was "in for it" as soon as I was pulled in for the pre-prayer meeting prayer session and the Holy Spirit just dropped down. Stan was choked up. I could hardly manage words without trembling at who God was. A man I didn't know said that God was holy and the whole group was taken over with awed whispered praises at the holiness of our God. And this was the PRE prayer meeting prayer session.
We praised. We cried out for forgiveness. We stood before God on behalf of Japan, and dozens of other countries as their flags were projected on the screen--including some nation of approximately 7000 people that live off the coast of Newfoundland that Stan is particularly enamored with. ;-) We had five minutes of silence that was the most holy time of the whole evening for me. During the time of silence, I had this picture in my head. It was a father and a little girl. He would try to pick the girl up, but she would hit him on the head, and he would set her down, even though he wanted nothing more than to hold her. Stan called on Pastor Bill to pray after the silence, and he asked forgiveness because we had been holding God at arms length. It seemed very appropriate to me. I could say very little after we were done praying except for, "That was so wonderful and lovely!"
Oh, I should also add, if one more person tells me they are starting a house of prayer anytime soon, I'm not sure what I'll do. One of my Assemblies friends was called to start one a few weeks ago, and is moving into a house / student ministry center to do so sometime this month. As I was walking to the prayer meeting tonight, I heard someone behind me say "Pamela." I turned around, and there was a Brazilian pastor I tried to connect with last May. We had a good talk, obviously both on prayer pages, but didn't really find a connection point. I was surprised he remembered my name. Tonight, as we walked to the meeting, he told me how they really were working to get a continuous prayer ministry (hopefully eventually 24/7) going, and he hoped I would be on board. I have to admit, when I asked God for a 24/7 prayer house in Tokyo back in January, I really didn't expect I was part of this larger vision...and I certainly didn't expect to be told by two separate people in a month less than a year later that it really might happen very, very soon. Pray big, my friends!
We gathered under a tree, sang some hymns in Korean and English, and then took some time to share what God had been showing us during the week in our Bible reading. It's been awhile since I had been in a group that did that, and I was reminded how much I love the accountability. It was a long time of exhortations. The leader of the group retold the whole story of Elijah running from Jezebel, waiting for God on the mountain through the earthquake and fire, and how God finally spoke in a still voice. A British man gave a long, animated exhortation about the book of Ruth and told how God uses the weakest, smallest people. His Japanese wife stood next and, with many fewer words, reminded us of the verse of the cross being foolishness to those who are perishing, but the power of God to those of us being saved. She took comfort in this in the rejection that often comes with sharing the message of the cross.
We all prayed aloud together at the same time, and there was power in the prayer. We didn't "lead anyone to Christ" today, but one high schooler heard the Gospel for the first time; we had a decent conversation with a girl who had studied abroad in Australia and didn't wish to discuss delicate things such as religion; and at the end we had a really fun chat with three guys who were smoking and hanging out by a motorcycle. The guys kind of laughed with us and let us know that Japan has no religion (an often said phrase). Japan has no needs. They repeated. Perhaps two minutes later they had revealed that one of them went to church with his grandma rather often and another had read the whole Bible. This country blows my mind, I tell you! I love Japanese young people a lot.
My verdict on this kind of outreach...dangerous and probably harmful if you think you can just drop a message and run, but potentially wonderful if one is willing to show love and be vulnerable.
It also opened up a connection I had been hoping to make for awhile, because one of the Assemblies girls came to my church afterwards. We had a small Key meeting...truthfully I hadn't expected anyone because I hadn't initiated at all. But it turned out to be four of us. Conversation was deep, real, and God centered. Yay!
I went straight from Key to western Tokyo for the "Sixth Month Checkup" of Global Day of Prayer. We decided once a year wasn't enough. But I must say, this meeting was far more meaningful to me than the one last May.
Stan--the leader of a revival prayer group there--had a wonderful program he called "A Concert of Prayer". With each subject, we would pray as a solo (just on our own), a trio (with the people next to us), and then as a symphony (as the whole group). Every section was moved on by worship songs.
I knew I was "in for it" as soon as I was pulled in for the pre-prayer meeting prayer session and the Holy Spirit just dropped down. Stan was choked up. I could hardly manage words without trembling at who God was. A man I didn't know said that God was holy and the whole group was taken over with awed whispered praises at the holiness of our God. And this was the PRE prayer meeting prayer session.
We praised. We cried out for forgiveness. We stood before God on behalf of Japan, and dozens of other countries as their flags were projected on the screen--including some nation of approximately 7000 people that live off the coast of Newfoundland that Stan is particularly enamored with. ;-) We had five minutes of silence that was the most holy time of the whole evening for me. During the time of silence, I had this picture in my head. It was a father and a little girl. He would try to pick the girl up, but she would hit him on the head, and he would set her down, even though he wanted nothing more than to hold her. Stan called on Pastor Bill to pray after the silence, and he asked forgiveness because we had been holding God at arms length. It seemed very appropriate to me. I could say very little after we were done praying except for, "That was so wonderful and lovely!"
Oh, I should also add, if one more person tells me they are starting a house of prayer anytime soon, I'm not sure what I'll do. One of my Assemblies friends was called to start one a few weeks ago, and is moving into a house / student ministry center to do so sometime this month. As I was walking to the prayer meeting tonight, I heard someone behind me say "Pamela." I turned around, and there was a Brazilian pastor I tried to connect with last May. We had a good talk, obviously both on prayer pages, but didn't really find a connection point. I was surprised he remembered my name. Tonight, as we walked to the meeting, he told me how they really were working to get a continuous prayer ministry (hopefully eventually 24/7) going, and he hoped I would be on board. I have to admit, when I asked God for a 24/7 prayer house in Tokyo back in January, I really didn't expect I was part of this larger vision...and I certainly didn't expect to be told by two separate people in a month less than a year later that it really might happen very, very soon. Pray big, my friends!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Christianity Today--God and Idolatry
Christianity Today has been going much better recently. My dad gave me maybe the best advice for teaching Isaiah ever. I was feeling so frustrated about how hard it was to help them understand the concepts I find so beautiful, and he pointed out that that is right in Isaiah's calling. God told Isaiah, "Go and tell this people: 'Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.'" (Isaiah 6:9). While I still really hope my students will someday understand, it is comforting to know that it is Biblical for God to call people to give messages that are not understood by the listeners.
We started a unit on what God thinks about idolatry last Friday and it overflowed into this week. And I was amazed, because people got it. They came up with lots of their own examples...we discussed how things like nature are good, but not God. How both poor and rich people can make a god out of money if they think it can save them. How Christians and non-Christians a like may be guilty of idolatry, and how the idols may be statues or invisible things that happen in our minds.
We read Isaiah 44 to go along with it, which is wonderful because it has no mercy on idolaters but is sandwiched by promises of God's love, capability, and worthiness. The judgment is surrounded by the heart cry of a God who wants so, so much to be the One His people depend on. Who is the only One His people *can* depend on.
At the end of class I asked them what they could see about who God was from this passage, and they came up with such a wonderful list. God is the One and Only. God is savior. God is calling out to His people.
I looked out at them, and saw that some of them looked like they had just been run over. One woman in particular, who when I ask them to tell me about who God is will often give answers like, "the sun". How do you explain the idea of conviction in easy English? I knew I had to wrap it all up for them...it was time to not beat around the bush.
"Some of you might be feeling pretty bad right now..." At times I can tell people about God with ease and cheerfulness. This time I had good news for them, but my breathing felt restricted and it was work to get each word out. Sometimes talking is spiritual warfare. But word by word I got out the message that God was beckoning to them...that He didn't let us feel bad just for the sake of seeing miserable people but that He convicts us because He wants us to come home to Him.
I don't know if they got it or not...maybe not yet...but it's the message I feel like I could tell the Japanese people as many times as they let me open my mouth. How the Father loves you, Japan.
We started a unit on what God thinks about idolatry last Friday and it overflowed into this week. And I was amazed, because people got it. They came up with lots of their own examples...we discussed how things like nature are good, but not God. How both poor and rich people can make a god out of money if they think it can save them. How Christians and non-Christians a like may be guilty of idolatry, and how the idols may be statues or invisible things that happen in our minds.
We read Isaiah 44 to go along with it, which is wonderful because it has no mercy on idolaters but is sandwiched by promises of God's love, capability, and worthiness. The judgment is surrounded by the heart cry of a God who wants so, so much to be the One His people depend on. Who is the only One His people *can* depend on.
At the end of class I asked them what they could see about who God was from this passage, and they came up with such a wonderful list. God is the One and Only. God is savior. God is calling out to His people.
I looked out at them, and saw that some of them looked like they had just been run over. One woman in particular, who when I ask them to tell me about who God is will often give answers like, "the sun". How do you explain the idea of conviction in easy English? I knew I had to wrap it all up for them...it was time to not beat around the bush.
"Some of you might be feeling pretty bad right now..." At times I can tell people about God with ease and cheerfulness. This time I had good news for them, but my breathing felt restricted and it was work to get each word out. Sometimes talking is spiritual warfare. But word by word I got out the message that God was beckoning to them...that He didn't let us feel bad just for the sake of seeing miserable people but that He convicts us because He wants us to come home to Him.
I don't know if they got it or not...maybe not yet...but it's the message I feel like I could tell the Japanese people as many times as they let me open my mouth. How the Father loves you, Japan.
Surprises are new all the time
Tonight after coffee hour, one of my old students was hanging around a lot. It surprised me, because she is a doctor and usually quite busy. We have wonderful conversations in class, and then she flies out of the building to return to work. She didn't approach me--other people were around talking to me--but when I left the building she was hanging out on the corner talking to Aaron.
I should back up and say this is a student I've been a little worried about. She was one of my most loyal students, always announcing to classes at the beginning of the term that she had come originally to learn English but how she came now because the discussions were so good and she liked to see me. She has had kind of a long courtship with Christianity as well...one that started in college and is still continuing. She told me sadly one class that she wished she could believe it was true, but she just couldn't believe. This started a letter exchange of two letters, and we spoke pretty personally. Then, this term, she didn't register for class. Another student told me she was very busy, and would only have time to come on Fridays, and as it turned out she only came to Coffee Hour, not Christianity Today. I was worried I had pushed her too far...even though I have yet to push someone too far for real even once I still worry about this quite a bit.
So, she was hanging out outside waiting, she joined me and the girl I was walking with, announced that she had forgotten her bicycle, and also that she had something to tell me, though she could write it down...
I walked back with her, and the following conversation occurred:
N.: I have to tell you something, but it's personal.
Pamela: (gearing up for N. to give me extremely personal news) What's up?
N.: Well...actually...I got married.
Pamela: !!!!! When? To who?
N.: To a man, of course!
Pamela: No, no, no...I mean, I know to a man, but...who?!
N.: Oh, I've known him for maybe 20 years. And there's one more thing...we adopted a baby a few months ago.
I'm so glad she finally decided to tell me...I understand a little bit why she is in a dilemma about telling people, though. Adoption is not at all common in Japan. She says she will have to decide whether or not to tell her friends, though she told me she will certainly tell her daughter. Also, since she is still a busy doctor, her husband has become a stay-at-home dad, the first I have heard of in this country. I hope I still have the chance to stay in touch with her!
I should back up and say this is a student I've been a little worried about. She was one of my most loyal students, always announcing to classes at the beginning of the term that she had come originally to learn English but how she came now because the discussions were so good and she liked to see me. She has had kind of a long courtship with Christianity as well...one that started in college and is still continuing. She told me sadly one class that she wished she could believe it was true, but she just couldn't believe. This started a letter exchange of two letters, and we spoke pretty personally. Then, this term, she didn't register for class. Another student told me she was very busy, and would only have time to come on Fridays, and as it turned out she only came to Coffee Hour, not Christianity Today. I was worried I had pushed her too far...even though I have yet to push someone too far for real even once I still worry about this quite a bit.
So, she was hanging out outside waiting, she joined me and the girl I was walking with, announced that she had forgotten her bicycle, and also that she had something to tell me, though she could write it down...
I walked back with her, and the following conversation occurred:
N.: I have to tell you something, but it's personal.
Pamela: (gearing up for N. to give me extremely personal news) What's up?
N.: Well...actually...I got married.
Pamela: !!!!! When? To who?
N.: To a man, of course!
Pamela: No, no, no...I mean, I know to a man, but...who?!
N.: Oh, I've known him for maybe 20 years. And there's one more thing...we adopted a baby a few months ago.
I'm so glad she finally decided to tell me...I understand a little bit why she is in a dilemma about telling people, though. Adoption is not at all common in Japan. She says she will have to decide whether or not to tell her friends, though she told me she will certainly tell her daughter. Also, since she is still a busy doctor, her husband has become a stay-at-home dad, the first I have heard of in this country. I hope I still have the chance to stay in touch with her!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tired Days
It never ceases to amaze me how my predictions about "tired days" are often completely wrong nowadays. In college, it seemed like multiple nights of six hours of sleep would result in feeling sick almost immediately. I really couldn't function without sleep, and I fought for it bravely.
Today I am going on seven hours of sleep from the past two nights combined...about two hours last night and five the night before. I dropped friends off at the train station this morning, and I'd been saying to them how I thought this would be one of the days when I would be trying to lead my classes in conversations about their weeks, and my brain would be completely gone...or at least out on a prayer mission rather than listening.
It's interesting for me to walk into my classes feeling like there is nothing in my head. And there's something very peaceful about walking in telling God, "This one's all on You...really."
This morning I found it easier to focus on my students than it has been in possibly two or three weeks. They had wonderful questions during Bible study, and I felt the discussion was great. I found myself with social energy abounding to go into the kitchen and help them clean up afterwards, where the two women told me about some of their confusions about the Holy Spirit and told me they were really looking forward to understanding better. There was a chance to share the Gospel with them in a more personal way than in the whole class.
I'm not saying going without sleep is a magic recipe for God moving...but relying on Him for real is...well, real. There is a strength that is not from inside of me, not from how much sleep I get, not from how much alone time I've had or from how many chances I've had to connect with another person deeply...these are all things that fill me. But there is a kind of strength that surpasses all of those and makes no rational sense to me at all.
Today I am going on seven hours of sleep from the past two nights combined...about two hours last night and five the night before. I dropped friends off at the train station this morning, and I'd been saying to them how I thought this would be one of the days when I would be trying to lead my classes in conversations about their weeks, and my brain would be completely gone...or at least out on a prayer mission rather than listening.
It's interesting for me to walk into my classes feeling like there is nothing in my head. And there's something very peaceful about walking in telling God, "This one's all on You...really."
This morning I found it easier to focus on my students than it has been in possibly two or three weeks. They had wonderful questions during Bible study, and I felt the discussion was great. I found myself with social energy abounding to go into the kitchen and help them clean up afterwards, where the two women told me about some of their confusions about the Holy Spirit and told me they were really looking forward to understanding better. There was a chance to share the Gospel with them in a more personal way than in the whole class.
I'm not saying going without sleep is a magic recipe for God moving...but relying on Him for real is...well, real. There is a strength that is not from inside of me, not from how much sleep I get, not from how much alone time I've had or from how many chances I've had to connect with another person deeply...these are all things that fill me. But there is a kind of strength that surpasses all of those and makes no rational sense to me at all.
Friday, October 24, 2008
On being a Pray-er
Something that tends to stick out to other people about me is that I seem to like to pray a lot. To be honest, this mystified me for awhile. Completely, totally mystified me. Prayer itself never felt like it was my focus...I prayed because I wanted to see God. My whole life I had never really thought prayer worked. I mean...I liked talking to God. But it wasn't until just before I came to Japan and the crash course in prayer that ensued the next six months that I really knew God answered prayer. And to me this is two plus two...that if God answers prayer, then we must pray.
It was jarring and shocking for awhile to learn that my two plus two didn't look like simple addition to other people. In my mind when I told them about prayer, I was saying, "2+2=4", but what they heard seemed to involve a combination of differential equations, ancient Greek, and neurobiology.
A few months ago God kind of pushed me on this issue. And I accepted that, no matter what I WANTED to be true, God calls some people to a kind of praying that is different. It is costly. It will take time. Steal opportunities. Limit relationships. Be a wasted life from the viewpoint of the world. It is the one place in ministry where really NO credit can be given to the person involved, because when prayer is answered, you praise God, not the pray-er. And besides, ANYONE can pray.
Of course, the reward is out of this world. There is nothing sweeter than watching something happen and sharing that secret smile with the creator of the all...knowing that we discussed it happening a couple months ago, and now He has really brought it about.
This has been a long introduction, but the point is that this whole prayer calling thing has come up once again. Last night this was a smaller part of a much larger conversation:
A: Have you heard of the Anna anointing?
Me: Well...I know who Anna is an I know what an anointing is...but no, not really.
A: Well, that is you, my dear. And I would love to tell you about it before I go home for Christmas.
I have to admit, I was a little concerned. Anna is the woman who greeted the baby Jesus who had been praying and fasting in the temple for upwards of sixty years. The idea of being "cloistered" frightens me a lot. I want to pour out my heart in prayer...I want to do it over and over and over again...but I do not want to be stuck in a room. I want to be on the streets. I want to meet people who don't know who Jesus is and share about him. I want to meet people living in cardboard boxes and people losing heart in their battles with cancer and people who have given up hope...I want to take the fire that has been given to me and pass it out to them until they feel joy bubbling up in them. I want to stand holding a bright light that shows them the way to the source of life. I want to watch when God touches them and their whole lives get flipped upside down by Him.
Anyway, A. passed me Mike Bickel's teaching on the Anna anointing, and I got to listen to it this evening. IHOP (not pancakes...the International House of Prayer) talks about "Annas" as people having "the grace to spend long hours in prayer with fasting and to sustain it for many years. "Annas" are men or women, old and young, whose primary ministry is fasting and prayer aimed at changing the spiritual atmosphere of a city or nation. This is not their only ministry, as Anna did the work of an evangelist and was a prophetess; she is recorded as the first evangelist in the New Testament as well."
Mike Bickel talks about himself as having this anointing, and when he describes his work, he says he is in the prayer room about 40 hours a week, and does teaching, pastoring, etc. type ministry stuff for about 20 hours a week outside of that. I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful I would find that kind of schedule. It always amazes me when I have vacations in Japan that I finally feel like I am able to do what I am called to do. When I am at the student center 40 some hours a week it always seems impossible. In the past, I've only really felt free when my workload was 20 hours a week or less. And I don't mean free to run around doing whatever...I mean free to exist in general. Anything more than 20 hours and I can't keep up with myself.
But one thing really, really struck me from the CD, and it wasn't about who I am, but about the way that the church needs to respond to pray-ers. He praised the Catholic church as having made a home for Annas and Marys (Anna is focused on intercession and Mary is focused on worship) throughout the centuries. But this "home" has been mostly missing from Protestant churches. He told us that we could not do it from an isolated place...which is my tendency a lot these days, I have to say. Sometimes the battle to not be isolated feels not even remotely worth it. And he talked about the need for leaders who would not only be excited about the pray-ers, but push them to go all the way.
I was challenged by that...there are needs that I have as a person called to intercession first, other ministry second, that I rarely communicate. Or if I try to communicate them, it turns into one of those "2+2=4" is now super complicated math situations. But I have real needs...a need for a corporate worship place where it is safe to pray however the Lord calls me to, whether intercessing, worshiping, or waiting on Him silently...people who are willing to drop everything and pray with me if needed...occasionally, I actually need to be let off the hook of other obligations so that I can pray (I still always feel guilty about this one)...and I have a real need for people to encourage me and remind me that I can go further than I have gone so far.
Anyway, I don't know if there's a real point to this entry...just rambling, I guess. And processing.
It was jarring and shocking for awhile to learn that my two plus two didn't look like simple addition to other people. In my mind when I told them about prayer, I was saying, "2+2=4", but what they heard seemed to involve a combination of differential equations, ancient Greek, and neurobiology.
A few months ago God kind of pushed me on this issue. And I accepted that, no matter what I WANTED to be true, God calls some people to a kind of praying that is different. It is costly. It will take time. Steal opportunities. Limit relationships. Be a wasted life from the viewpoint of the world. It is the one place in ministry where really NO credit can be given to the person involved, because when prayer is answered, you praise God, not the pray-er. And besides, ANYONE can pray.
Of course, the reward is out of this world. There is nothing sweeter than watching something happen and sharing that secret smile with the creator of the all...knowing that we discussed it happening a couple months ago, and now He has really brought it about.
This has been a long introduction, but the point is that this whole prayer calling thing has come up once again. Last night this was a smaller part of a much larger conversation:
A: Have you heard of the Anna anointing?
Me: Well...I know who Anna is an I know what an anointing is...but no, not really.
A: Well, that is you, my dear. And I would love to tell you about it before I go home for Christmas.
I have to admit, I was a little concerned. Anna is the woman who greeted the baby Jesus who had been praying and fasting in the temple for upwards of sixty years. The idea of being "cloistered" frightens me a lot. I want to pour out my heart in prayer...I want to do it over and over and over again...but I do not want to be stuck in a room. I want to be on the streets. I want to meet people who don't know who Jesus is and share about him. I want to meet people living in cardboard boxes and people losing heart in their battles with cancer and people who have given up hope...I want to take the fire that has been given to me and pass it out to them until they feel joy bubbling up in them. I want to stand holding a bright light that shows them the way to the source of life. I want to watch when God touches them and their whole lives get flipped upside down by Him.
Anyway, A. passed me Mike Bickel's teaching on the Anna anointing, and I got to listen to it this evening. IHOP (not pancakes...the International House of Prayer) talks about "Annas" as people having "the grace to spend long hours in prayer with fasting and to sustain it for many years. "Annas" are men or women, old and young, whose primary ministry is fasting and prayer aimed at changing the spiritual atmosphere of a city or nation. This is not their only ministry, as Anna did the work of an evangelist and was a prophetess; she is recorded as the first evangelist in the New Testament as well."
Mike Bickel talks about himself as having this anointing, and when he describes his work, he says he is in the prayer room about 40 hours a week, and does teaching, pastoring, etc. type ministry stuff for about 20 hours a week outside of that. I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful I would find that kind of schedule. It always amazes me when I have vacations in Japan that I finally feel like I am able to do what I am called to do. When I am at the student center 40 some hours a week it always seems impossible. In the past, I've only really felt free when my workload was 20 hours a week or less. And I don't mean free to run around doing whatever...I mean free to exist in general. Anything more than 20 hours and I can't keep up with myself.
But one thing really, really struck me from the CD, and it wasn't about who I am, but about the way that the church needs to respond to pray-ers. He praised the Catholic church as having made a home for Annas and Marys (Anna is focused on intercession and Mary is focused on worship) throughout the centuries. But this "home" has been mostly missing from Protestant churches. He told us that we could not do it from an isolated place...which is my tendency a lot these days, I have to say. Sometimes the battle to not be isolated feels not even remotely worth it. And he talked about the need for leaders who would not only be excited about the pray-ers, but push them to go all the way.
I was challenged by that...there are needs that I have as a person called to intercession first, other ministry second, that I rarely communicate. Or if I try to communicate them, it turns into one of those "2+2=4" is now super complicated math situations. But I have real needs...a need for a corporate worship place where it is safe to pray however the Lord calls me to, whether intercessing, worshiping, or waiting on Him silently...people who are willing to drop everything and pray with me if needed...occasionally, I actually need to be let off the hook of other obligations so that I can pray (I still always feel guilty about this one)...and I have a real need for people to encourage me and remind me that I can go further than I have gone so far.
Anyway, I don't know if there's a real point to this entry...just rambling, I guess. And processing.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Passion Tokyo
Monday after the retreat we Shinkansened back to Tokyo and went immediately to Shibuya for the Passion Conference. Charity, Ken and I shoved our backpacks in coin lockers and had about two hours of craziness after that. I won't blog the whole story here, but it is an epic tale of bravery, missing tickets, missing people, dying cell phones, oversleeping people, and lots of running around. Needless to say, by the time the conference was fifteen minutes in, all 17 of us missionaries and Japanese friends were finally all assembled with seats and tickets.
We were still missing one person the first fifteen minutes of the concert, and he was the one person out of the whole group that I had a strong conviction needed to be there. When we arrived in the hall, there was a sign saying that all saved seats needed to be released. I draped his ticket over the seat. In the meantime, attendants began asking about saved seats just in front of us. They would have people scoot into them and bring in people from outside. I began praying rather frantically, "God...please blind their eyes to our seat" over and over again. I sprinted down with his ticket and let him in fifteen minutes later. And then I could finally worship.
Never before in Tokyo have I praised God along with 2000 people. Not that numbers are so impressive in and of themselves, but on the other hand...2000 people were praising God in Tokyo! The conference lasted about 3 hours, and here are the highlights from my perspective:
-Chris Tomlin sang "How Great is Our God" and he did part of the song translated into Japanese. I can't put into words how meaningful that is to me...hearing people (even American people) really praise God in Japanese has got to be one of the most beautiful sounds in the whole world.
-The Passion Conference is traveling around the world, and each city prays for the city that t
he conference will go to next. It so happens that the city before Tokyo was Seoul, Korea. Apparently some of the older Koreans thought it might be a problem to ask the Korean crowd to pray for Tokyo, but, as the speaker said, "Luckily, the auditorium was full of young people." He told us, "Just in case you weren't sure the Koreans wanted to pray for you, we got their answer on video." On the screen came up the video of 20,000 or something Koreans, he asked them if they would be praying for Tokyo, and they errupted in cheering. The video swept across the front row, and there was one girl who was obviously speaking right to the c
amera, reaching out to it and mouthing (or possibly shouting with all the noise) that she was praying, that she loved us. Then, the speaker told us that these signs had started popping up in the Korean crowd, and he had brought them to share with us tonight. Those are the pictures in this entry. I got teary eyed at other parts of the conference, but at this part I could not stop outright crying. If you don't know the history between Korea and Japan, it is not pretty, and it was so moving to see the love that they had.
-Dancing! Yay worship dancing!
-The reactions of the young Japanese guys we had with us. They said:
We were still missing one person the first fifteen minutes of the concert, and he was the one person out of the whole group that I had a strong conviction needed to be there. When we arrived in the hall, there was a sign saying that all saved seats needed to be released. I draped his ticket over the seat. In the meantime, attendants began asking about saved seats just in front of us. They would have people scoot into them and bring in people from outside. I began praying rather frantically, "God...please blind their eyes to our seat" over and over again. I sprinted down with his ticket and let him in fifteen minutes later. And then I could finally worship.
Never before in Tokyo have I praised God along with 2000 people. Not that numbers are so impressive in and of themselves, but on the other hand...2000 people were praising God in Tokyo! The conference lasted about 3 hours, and here are the highlights from my perspective:
-Chris Tomlin sang "How Great is Our God" and he did part of the song translated into Japanese. I can't put into words how meaningful that is to me...hearing people (even American people) really praise God in Japanese has got to be one of the most beautiful sounds in the whole world.
-The Passion Conference is traveling around the world, and each city prays for the city that t
he conference will go to next. It so happens that the city before Tokyo was Seoul, Korea. Apparently some of the older Koreans thought it might be a problem to ask the Korean crowd to pray for Tokyo, but, as the speaker said, "Luckily, the auditorium was full of young people." He told us, "Just in case you weren't sure the Koreans wanted to pray for you, we got their answer on video." On the screen came up the video of 20,000 or something Koreans, he asked them if they would be praying for Tokyo, and they errupted in cheering. The video swept across the front row, and there was one girl who was obviously speaking right to the c
amera, reaching out to it and mouthing (or possibly shouting with all the noise) that she was praying, that she loved us. Then, the speaker told us that these signs had started popping up in the Korean crowd, and he had brought them to share with us tonight. Those are the pictures in this entry. I got teary eyed at other parts of the conference, but at this part I could not stop outright crying. If you don't know the history between Korea and Japan, it is not pretty, and it was so moving to see the love that they had.-Dancing! Yay worship dancing!
-The reactions of the young Japanese guys we had with us. They said:
- "The conference brought a huge earthquake in me. Singing with all the people in the hall, praying together,and listening to Louie's talk, the joy to worshiping the Lord and feeling His grace arose in me, which is the sense I had lost for a long time more than a year! And I have never been such proud that Tokyo is my home town! I used to dream to evacuate from this suffocating place. I used to spend time thinking over a "exit from Tokyo" plan. But what I witnessed yesterday was that Chris Tomlin was praying for Tokyo, people in the hall were praying forTokyo,and you guys were praying for Tokyo. I remember that one of my friend tolds me on the very last day at Illinois 2 years ago, that he was envious about my going to a mission field of vast expanse. Now I fully understand what he meant."
- "I love Jesus more and more!"
- "I didn't know Christians could be exciting." (hee hee...I think he meant "excited", but I kind of like it this way. ;-) )
Grape Vines and Japanese Youth
This is the first of maybe three blogs that I want to write...we'll see how many entries I actually get through. ;-)
Last weekend was a three day weekend for Japan, Monday being "Sports Day". I hit a Shinkansen Saturday morning and arrived in Gifu Prefecture a few hours later for the All Japan Lutheran Youth Retreat. When I am at my church, I sometimes forget that I can't really speak Japanese, because the people who know me have gotten very good at speaking to me. But when I became the only American in a group of 50, I very quickly knew my lack. But the weekend was a good time of connection nonetheless.
We met at a monastery, complete with vineyards. I've never seen a vineyard up close before, and laughed because I had tried to draw one on the white board only the day before when we were talking about Jesus saying 'I am the vine, you are the branches'...the picture had failed miserably and I had to turn the drawing into a tree instead. But after seeing real grape vines, I realized they really do look kinda like a tree...but that's neither here nor there.
The weekend was a really nice blend of relational time and God connection time. We spent the entire first day building people connections with each other...including icebreakers, which is always amusing when you don't really understand the instructions...I would hear, "blah blah blah stop blah blah two or three blah blah blah introduction" they would say "go", and suddenly all were moving around shaking hands. They shouted out a number, and we all had to get into groups of that many people. When I've played this game before, anyone who couldn't get into a group was eliminated...but this is the land of cooperation, and we had a minor miracle in that when they shouted 3, 5, 7 and 8 we were able to form perfect groups every time. We are all still trying to figure out how that worked.
Saturday night I was so tired from complete immersion that I went to bed at 9:45. Or tried to. People kept coming and checking on me and tried to lure me downstairs by telling me about all the snacks they had...but there is a point where there can be no more Japanese.
Luckily, my Japanese brain had turned on by Sunday morning. I love it when that works. So, I started the morning with a couple really nice conversations. As long as we're talking one-to-one, Japanese really is okay. We joined the Catholics at the Monastery for mass, and it was a really beautiful liturgy. I found myself reflecting during the service how, even though my heart is much more freedom, hands in the air, spontaneous celebration, there is a kind of deep holiness in Catholic masses that I really love. I think Catholic churches and monasteries really are one of the secret pillars holding the whole world up. At least, that's what was going through my mind while I was there.
For lunch on Sunday we made "Rinjin Origiri" or "Neighbor Rice Balls". Basically, we were randomly assigned a partner and supposed to find out their rice ball preferences and then prepare lunch for them. I had made rice balls a grand total of one time before, so I was feeling some pity for my partner, but it turned out he was a young guy who seemed to have about the same amount of experience. We both presented each other with somewhat less than perfectly shaped rice balls and got some smiling and laughing out of the whole experience.
We also got to hand make paper on Sunday, which was really, really fun!
Sunday afternoon we took our discussion about connections a step deeper and got in small groups to look back at our relationship with God and discuss that connection. I had a great small group, but the subject matter was still pretty above my Japanese level. I really couldn't understand the other members, but could tell we were having a really incredible, deep discussion. :-) They had trouble understanding me. But with a little help, some English, and some Japanese I finally communicated a little. We were able to communicate just enough to look at each other longingly...wishing there wasn't this huge language barier in between us and the questions we wanted to ask each other.
Charity arrived Sunday afternoon, and I have never been so glad to see another American in my life. I realized that, even if the two of us are split up way across the room from each other, the ability to pass each other after an event is over and say, "Did you understand any of that?! A little...yeah...I didn't get it either...this Japanese stuff is so tiring!" gave me the energy to really keep at making the effort. Also, there was a girl who had been looking really sad who was always by herself, and being able to tag team with Charity we finally pulled her into the group a little more. Charity is so good at helping people open up!
Monday morning we got to pray for each other in small groups! It was lovely.
Charity, Ken and I headed back home early from the retreat, and I found myself wishing we could have stayed at least two more days. But perhaps we'll see each other around again. :-)
Last weekend was a three day weekend for Japan, Monday being "Sports Day". I hit a Shinkansen Saturday morning and arrived in Gifu Prefecture a few hours later for the All Japan Lutheran Youth Retreat. When I am at my church, I sometimes forget that I can't really speak Japanese, because the people who know me have gotten very good at speaking to me. But when I became the only American in a group of 50, I very quickly knew my lack. But the weekend was a good time of connection nonetheless.
We met at a monastery, complete with vineyards. I've never seen a vineyard up close before, and laughed because I had tried to draw one on the white board only the day before when we were talking about Jesus saying 'I am the vine, you are the branches'...the picture had failed miserably and I had to turn the drawing into a tree instead. But after seeing real grape vines, I realized they really do look kinda like a tree...but that's neither here nor there.
The weekend was a really nice blend of relational time and God connection time. We spent the entire first day building people connections with each other...including icebreakers, which is always amusing when you don't really understand the instructions...I would hear, "blah blah blah stop blah blah two or three blah blah blah introduction" they would say "go", and suddenly all were moving around shaking hands. They shouted out a number, and we all had to get into groups of that many people. When I've played this game before, anyone who couldn't get into a group was eliminated...but this is the land of cooperation, and we had a minor miracle in that when they shouted 3, 5, 7 and 8 we were able to form perfect groups every time. We are all still trying to figure out how that worked.
Saturday night I was so tired from complete immersion that I went to bed at 9:45. Or tried to. People kept coming and checking on me and tried to lure me downstairs by telling me about all the snacks they had...but there is a point where there can be no more Japanese.
Luckily, my Japanese brain had turned on by Sunday morning. I love it when that works. So, I started the morning with a couple really nice conversations. As long as we're talking one-to-one, Japanese really is okay. We joined the Catholics at the Monastery for mass, and it was a really beautiful liturgy. I found myself reflecting during the service how, even though my heart is much more freedom, hands in the air, spontaneous celebration, there is a kind of deep holiness in Catholic masses that I really love. I think Catholic churches and monasteries really are one of the secret pillars holding the whole world up. At least, that's what was going through my mind while I was there.
For lunch on Sunday we made "Rinjin Origiri" or "Neighbor Rice Balls". Basically, we were randomly assigned a partner and supposed to find out their rice ball preferences and then prepare lunch for them. I had made rice balls a grand total of one time before, so I was feeling some pity for my partner, but it turned out he was a young guy who seemed to have about the same amount of experience. We both presented each other with somewhat less than perfectly shaped rice balls and got some smiling and laughing out of the whole experience.
We also got to hand make paper on Sunday, which was really, really fun!
Sunday afternoon we took our discussion about connections a step deeper and got in small groups to look back at our relationship with God and discuss that connection. I had a great small group, but the subject matter was still pretty above my Japanese level. I really couldn't understand the other members, but could tell we were having a really incredible, deep discussion. :-) They had trouble understanding me. But with a little help, some English, and some Japanese I finally communicated a little. We were able to communicate just enough to look at each other longingly...wishing there wasn't this huge language barier in between us and the questions we wanted to ask each other.
Charity arrived Sunday afternoon, and I have never been so glad to see another American in my life. I realized that, even if the two of us are split up way across the room from each other, the ability to pass each other after an event is over and say, "Did you understand any of that?! A little...yeah...I didn't get it either...this Japanese stuff is so tiring!" gave me the energy to really keep at making the effort. Also, there was a girl who had been looking really sad who was always by herself, and being able to tag team with Charity we finally pulled her into the group a little more. Charity is so good at helping people open up!
Monday morning we got to pray for each other in small groups! It was lovely.
Charity, Ken and I headed back home early from the retreat, and I found myself wishing we could have stayed at least two more days. But perhaps we'll see each other around again. :-)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
In other news...
I registered a while ago to take a very hard Japanese test. But, my plan has backfired a little. In the beginning, I hoped that everyone would realize how impossible it was for me to pass it and that they would all tell me so. I function *extremely* well when everyone tells me my efforts are pointless because my task is impossible. Sometimes I think only impossible things are worth doing...I'm not sure what that says about me.
But the opposite has been happening! And this is Japanese culture for you...I explain to them that I have to learn 700 kanji in three months (to say nothing of studying grammar), and they become very encouraging. It is the most bizarre thing in the world...they should be saying, "Pamela, you stupid idiot, why are you wasting your time studying 700 kanji?!"
Instead, I find that they are suddenly helpful about my Japanese studying. People who used to look cross-eyed and exhausted the moment I say, "I have a Japanese question..." are suddenly asking me how the studying is going, looking at my flashcards over my shoulder, marveling at the words I am using and giving me examples of them without me even needing to ask.
Etsuko has begun praying that I will understand the test. Now, normally I am in favor of praying, but I keep telling her, "It's no use! Don't trouble God with whether I pass this test or not!"
Aaron, who understands a little at least, will then chime in, "I don't know...you might need prayers to at least understand the instructions!" :-)
But Etsuko continues her praying. The other day she told me she'd been praying about it just that morning and then wondered to herself, "Why, I wonder?" I wonder too. And I realize that somewhere inside of me, something feels like God helping me on a test is cheating. And I would struggle a lot to praise God if I passed the test, miracle though it would be. (I took a shortened form of it to practice...I think I got a whopping 15% on the reading section, and most of the questions I answered correctly were luck). All in all, I would be hesitant to praise...fearful that I might encourage the relationship with God that so many have of "Dear God, please let me pass this test, amen."
God's help or not, passing the test in general would feel dishonest to me...I'm good at test taking, but this test is a high enough level to potentially help me get a non-English teaching job in Japan if I passed it, and anyone who has seen me trying to communicate with my pastor knows my Japanese is not at that level.
But it's interesting to me how my Japanese language striving has suddenly been made culturally legitimate because I am taking a test. And it's fascinating to me that even people like my Japanese teacher, who knows just how crazy this endeavor of mine is, will only go so far as to give me a book to practice out of and say, "Please tell me if you don't understand anything...though I think there will be many places."
Still, I am learning lots of kanji. Not nearly as many as are necessary (I'd have to learn 70 a week), but I'm learning to read for real now! I like knowing how to read.
But the opposite has been happening! And this is Japanese culture for you...I explain to them that I have to learn 700 kanji in three months (to say nothing of studying grammar), and they become very encouraging. It is the most bizarre thing in the world...they should be saying, "Pamela, you stupid idiot, why are you wasting your time studying 700 kanji?!"
Instead, I find that they are suddenly helpful about my Japanese studying. People who used to look cross-eyed and exhausted the moment I say, "I have a Japanese question..." are suddenly asking me how the studying is going, looking at my flashcards over my shoulder, marveling at the words I am using and giving me examples of them without me even needing to ask.
Etsuko has begun praying that I will understand the test. Now, normally I am in favor of praying, but I keep telling her, "It's no use! Don't trouble God with whether I pass this test or not!"
Aaron, who understands a little at least, will then chime in, "I don't know...you might need prayers to at least understand the instructions!" :-)
But Etsuko continues her praying. The other day she told me she'd been praying about it just that morning and then wondered to herself, "Why, I wonder?" I wonder too. And I realize that somewhere inside of me, something feels like God helping me on a test is cheating. And I would struggle a lot to praise God if I passed the test, miracle though it would be. (I took a shortened form of it to practice...I think I got a whopping 15% on the reading section, and most of the questions I answered correctly were luck). All in all, I would be hesitant to praise...fearful that I might encourage the relationship with God that so many have of "Dear God, please let me pass this test, amen."
God's help or not, passing the test in general would feel dishonest to me...I'm good at test taking, but this test is a high enough level to potentially help me get a non-English teaching job in Japan if I passed it, and anyone who has seen me trying to communicate with my pastor knows my Japanese is not at that level.
But it's interesting to me how my Japanese language striving has suddenly been made culturally legitimate because I am taking a test. And it's fascinating to me that even people like my Japanese teacher, who knows just how crazy this endeavor of mine is, will only go so far as to give me a book to practice out of and say, "Please tell me if you don't understand anything...though I think there will be many places."
Still, I am learning lots of kanji. Not nearly as many as are necessary (I'd have to learn 70 a week), but I'm learning to read for real now! I like knowing how to read.
Why I Love my Job
Pamela: Do you have a Bible, H?
H: Eh? No...I don't have one.
P: Do you want one? We have these free little ones...
H: That's great! Now I will not need to steal one.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
In Which Pamela is Surprised
Today was English Book Club again. And it was good. Yay!
There is a man in that club who isn't a Christian and who has gotten into a lot of arguments with the other class members. I personally think he's rather good for the church members...he forces them to defend their faith. But often I've been frustrated when they end up arguing over a grammar point when it seems like the fact that he's talking about the particular grammar point is significant. At least, I've always felt like there was something different about him. Something more than just an argumentative white-haired man.
Today, he prepared a speech to give us in English because he felt bad for me and Paul since the group almost always speaks in Japanese.
He shared in the speech which parts of the book had been most impressive to him, and began the whole thing off by apologizing that he did "not believe in the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ." He also said he didn't understand it. He had been surprised that Brother Yun did not believe in politics but said that the Kingdom of God was separate. He had been shocked by Yun's statement that God had allowed the Chinese government to destroy the church so He could build it back up again His way. And he had been deeply impressed by Yun's pleading for God to receive his spirit while he was being tortured and the fact that Yun was able to rest in the fact that Jesus had sacrificed His life for him.
When he was done, I repeated to him how he had said he didn't understand the Gospel, and I asked if anyone had explained it to him before.
And this is where the surprise came in.
He kind of laughed, and said he had had a girlfriend something like 60 years ago who was a sincere Christian. (60 years seems way too long to me...maybe his numbers were off, but anyway). I asked him to explain the Gospel to me, and he said that Jesus' blood was the most important. He said that he understood the Gospel with his heart, but not with his head, and that if he understood it with his head, he would become a Christian.
He further said that he had happened to see that old girlfriend by chance two weeks ago, though he had been with his wife.
Apparently he fell out of love with her at the time when they attended church together.
Anyway...it's just one of those random stories. Though it was surprising at the time, writing it down here it strikes me how common the story really is. I've had students randomly tell me they have Christian parents months and months after I've known them. And it is amazing to me how many people really *have* heard something of the Gospel in a country where the "percentage" of Christians makes it seem like it would be unlikely. God keeps reaching. Even when our hair has turned white and we've been turning down His offers for more than half a century...He keeps reaching.
In other news, one of my non-Christian English students asked me today if I knew that Takaaki was becoming Christian. Apparently he's not holding back that information at all, which is awesome cause for celebration!
There is a man in that club who isn't a Christian and who has gotten into a lot of arguments with the other class members. I personally think he's rather good for the church members...he forces them to defend their faith. But often I've been frustrated when they end up arguing over a grammar point when it seems like the fact that he's talking about the particular grammar point is significant. At least, I've always felt like there was something different about him. Something more than just an argumentative white-haired man.
Today, he prepared a speech to give us in English because he felt bad for me and Paul since the group almost always speaks in Japanese.
He shared in the speech which parts of the book had been most impressive to him, and began the whole thing off by apologizing that he did "not believe in the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ." He also said he didn't understand it. He had been surprised that Brother Yun did not believe in politics but said that the Kingdom of God was separate. He had been shocked by Yun's statement that God had allowed the Chinese government to destroy the church so He could build it back up again His way. And he had been deeply impressed by Yun's pleading for God to receive his spirit while he was being tortured and the fact that Yun was able to rest in the fact that Jesus had sacrificed His life for him.
When he was done, I repeated to him how he had said he didn't understand the Gospel, and I asked if anyone had explained it to him before.
And this is where the surprise came in.
He kind of laughed, and said he had had a girlfriend something like 60 years ago who was a sincere Christian. (60 years seems way too long to me...maybe his numbers were off, but anyway). I asked him to explain the Gospel to me, and he said that Jesus' blood was the most important. He said that he understood the Gospel with his heart, but not with his head, and that if he understood it with his head, he would become a Christian.
He further said that he had happened to see that old girlfriend by chance two weeks ago, though he had been with his wife.
Apparently he fell out of love with her at the time when they attended church together.
Anyway...it's just one of those random stories. Though it was surprising at the time, writing it down here it strikes me how common the story really is. I've had students randomly tell me they have Christian parents months and months after I've known them. And it is amazing to me how many people really *have* heard something of the Gospel in a country where the "percentage" of Christians makes it seem like it would be unlikely. God keeps reaching. Even when our hair has turned white and we've been turning down His offers for more than half a century...He keeps reaching.
In other news, one of my non-Christian English students asked me today if I knew that Takaaki was becoming Christian. Apparently he's not holding back that information at all, which is awesome cause for celebration!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Christianity Today Back a Step
For a long time, I've been planning on doing a unit on the prophetic books for my Christianity Today class. I've been building up to it for maybe a year now...teaching them about Creation, the Exodus...we did some other Old Testament studies on Ruth and King David...I expected them to have the foundation for reading the prophetic books. I was excited to share them with them and struggle through the process of finding God's love in difficult places.
Last week, I brought out Isaiah 5. It seemed a good chapter because it has beautiful love language (the vineyard) along with some "woe"s. I had a college professor who was really able to open these books up for me, in part by leading me to see God in them. I felt like I could identify with many of my students struggles with an angry God--they are harmony lovers and don't like anger--and lead them through those struggles. However, we began struggling much sooner than I had anticipated. In fact, we only made it through four verses, and all involved were still confused by the end of the class. These weren't the angry God verses...these were the verses about the vineyard.
So, I'd been turning over what to teach all this week. I still hadn't made so much progress by Friday. But I ended up leaving my Bible and lesson planning notebook an hour before the class was going to start and went and sat outside for half an hour or so. I found myself thinking about the difference between knowing ABOUT God and knowing GOD. And how hard it would be to understand the Bible if one didn't know God.
It is so much easier to teach history, theology, doctrine...anything other than God Himself. Trying to talk about God's love when there are unbelievers, pencils poised to take notes and log it all into their "knowledge about Christians" bank, without ending up in tears. It is watching them sit there, calm and unaffected, while I am aware of God's intense longing. And somehow being caught in between the two. Being one who is consumed by the love He has for me all while knowing I must be the voice that communicates that consuming fire to them...to somehow put words to that which burns through me and leaves me collapsed in awe. How badly He wants them to know.
Anyway...class last night was perhaps the least structured it had ever been. They said so many things that I could have taught a whole classes on. We switched topics maybe four times in an hour and only loosely tied them together. But there's only one thing I want to communicate to them, and I told them, "We are not moving into God's anger until you have seen His love." This is the "new" mission of Christianity Today.
Last week, I brought out Isaiah 5. It seemed a good chapter because it has beautiful love language (the vineyard) along with some "woe"s. I had a college professor who was really able to open these books up for me, in part by leading me to see God in them. I felt like I could identify with many of my students struggles with an angry God--they are harmony lovers and don't like anger--and lead them through those struggles. However, we began struggling much sooner than I had anticipated. In fact, we only made it through four verses, and all involved were still confused by the end of the class. These weren't the angry God verses...these were the verses about the vineyard.
So, I'd been turning over what to teach all this week. I still hadn't made so much progress by Friday. But I ended up leaving my Bible and lesson planning notebook an hour before the class was going to start and went and sat outside for half an hour or so. I found myself thinking about the difference between knowing ABOUT God and knowing GOD. And how hard it would be to understand the Bible if one didn't know God.
It is so much easier to teach history, theology, doctrine...anything other than God Himself. Trying to talk about God's love when there are unbelievers, pencils poised to take notes and log it all into their "knowledge about Christians" bank, without ending up in tears. It is watching them sit there, calm and unaffected, while I am aware of God's intense longing. And somehow being caught in between the two. Being one who is consumed by the love He has for me all while knowing I must be the voice that communicates that consuming fire to them...to somehow put words to that which burns through me and leaves me collapsed in awe. How badly He wants them to know.
Anyway...class last night was perhaps the least structured it had ever been. They said so many things that I could have taught a whole classes on. We switched topics maybe four times in an hour and only loosely tied them together. But there's only one thing I want to communicate to them, and I told them, "We are not moving into God's anger until you have seen His love." This is the "new" mission of Christianity Today.
Monday, September 22, 2008
*laughing really hard*
Or, I could write a whole blog entry explaining how I've searched for an hour, go look around one more time, only to find them inside my guitar case not two minutes later.
*curtsies*
*curtsies*
Just because I always have to share the joy of getting to laugh at myself
How is it possible to unlock one's front door with one's keys and then lose them inside one's own apartment?
I just spent the last hour searching for my keys / wallet. I used the same keys to unlock my front door maybe three hours ago, so I know they are in my house, unless something quite unlikely has happened such as someone climbing up to my 2nd story balcony and entering my apartment and taking my wallet without me noticing while I was playing guitar in the other room. (NOT likely)
You know you are in trouble when you are searching for something and get the sudden, excited thought: "Ah! There is one more place I haven't checked! Maybe they're in the freezer!" No luck. And then you find yourself looking through the washing machine multiple times just because you are so out of ideas.
This rather unfortunately means that I cannot legally leave my apartment (no foreigner registration card), have no money, cannot lock my front door if I chose to leave, and must figure out a way to make dinner out of what I have in my apartment. The latter being the most serious situation, naturally. ;-)
I just spent the last hour searching for my keys / wallet. I used the same keys to unlock my front door maybe three hours ago, so I know they are in my house, unless something quite unlikely has happened such as someone climbing up to my 2nd story balcony and entering my apartment and taking my wallet without me noticing while I was playing guitar in the other room. (NOT likely)
You know you are in trouble when you are searching for something and get the sudden, excited thought: "Ah! There is one more place I haven't checked! Maybe they're in the freezer!" No luck. And then you find yourself looking through the washing machine multiple times just because you are so out of ideas.
This rather unfortunately means that I cannot legally leave my apartment (no foreigner registration card), have no money, cannot lock my front door if I chose to leave, and must figure out a way to make dinner out of what I have in my apartment. The latter being the most serious situation, naturally. ;-)
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Sunday Goodness, part two
After church today, we went to put pamphlets in mail boxes, and I had another one of my lovely random street encounters that I love. I was in this neighborhood with winding narrow streets and old, wooden houses, and I came to a place where an old woman was squatting outside her house, talking to her neighbor who had just come out her door.
I paused, rather unsure what to do, because you can't put pamphlets in people's mailboxes right in front of them, but it also seemed odd to skip their houses all together.
She saw me looking confused, and asked me in Japanese what I was looking for. I explained I was giving out pamphlets and showed one to her. And she just kept talking to me. I liked her a lot. Within two minutes, I was squatted down beside her and she started explaining the neighborhood with wide hand gestures.
The funny thing about older people is that you tell them you've spoken Japanese for two years, and they assume you are fluent. She was very surprised when I had to pull out my dictionary to figure out her meaning of the word "air raid", but it turns out she was explaining that Ueno had been flattened by the air raids in WW2, but this area had been untouched, and so there were lots of old houses. I kept sitting with her as she talked and was amazed at how this place was different than anywhere else I had been in Tokyo just because of her presence.
Many people in Tokyo don't know their neighbors. This woman seemed to know her whole street. And a lot of people walked by. She would call out directions to lost people, greetings to people who seemed determined to just race out their door, and they would turn around and smile and greet her back. Finally, a young college aged guy came by, kind of smiling at seeing this 80 year old woman and 24 year old foreigner crouching together on the street. "Tomodachi?" he asked. "Friend?" She explained that we had just become friends. He knew her, and he squatted down with us for awhile too. He also looked at a pamphlet, saw I had lived in Minnesota and said, "Twins?" That made me smile. She checked in with all sorts of things in his life, gave him all sorts of advice...I think at one point he was talking about job searching and she started telling him, "You've got to go that way and check in with this business..." It was wonderful...this woman is an 80 year old fireball who seems to be the center of her whole street.
I hope I get to see her again!
I paused, rather unsure what to do, because you can't put pamphlets in people's mailboxes right in front of them, but it also seemed odd to skip their houses all together.
She saw me looking confused, and asked me in Japanese what I was looking for. I explained I was giving out pamphlets and showed one to her. And she just kept talking to me. I liked her a lot. Within two minutes, I was squatted down beside her and she started explaining the neighborhood with wide hand gestures.
The funny thing about older people is that you tell them you've spoken Japanese for two years, and they assume you are fluent. She was very surprised when I had to pull out my dictionary to figure out her meaning of the word "air raid", but it turns out she was explaining that Ueno had been flattened by the air raids in WW2, but this area had been untouched, and so there were lots of old houses. I kept sitting with her as she talked and was amazed at how this place was different than anywhere else I had been in Tokyo just because of her presence.
Many people in Tokyo don't know their neighbors. This woman seemed to know her whole street. And a lot of people walked by. She would call out directions to lost people, greetings to people who seemed determined to just race out their door, and they would turn around and smile and greet her back. Finally, a young college aged guy came by, kind of smiling at seeing this 80 year old woman and 24 year old foreigner crouching together on the street. "Tomodachi?" he asked. "Friend?" She explained that we had just become friends. He knew her, and he squatted down with us for awhile too. He also looked at a pamphlet, saw I had lived in Minnesota and said, "Twins?" That made me smile. She checked in with all sorts of things in his life, gave him all sorts of advice...I think at one point he was talking about job searching and she started telling him, "You've got to go that way and check in with this business..." It was wonderful...this woman is an 80 year old fireball who seems to be the center of her whole street.
I hope I get to see her again!
Sunday Goodness, part one
Last night I went out to a prayer meeting in Higashi Kurume, as is normal about once a month. I'm kind of the oddball of the group...they are five Christian adults, four of whom are married, three of whom have white hair, and all of whom attend a (as they say) "Bible Church" of some kind. We are united by a love of stories about God moving and a strong vision for united prayer among Christians in Tokyo.
Prayer meetings in Higashi Kurume often seem more like story telling sessions than traditional prayer times. At least, we often manage to spend more time cheering each other on with stories of what we're hearing in our churches, our city, or on other sides of the globe than we do praying. But the prayer is powerful, exciting, joyful as well.
Last night we were talking about on the line pre-Christians we know. There are a lot of them in Japan. We talked about things we've heard them say for why they don't become Christian (everything from fearing that the persecutions of 400 years ago will repeat and they will be persecuted to the belief that they are too old). A pastor in the group shared a story about a girlfriend and boyfriend. The girlfriend was Christian. Someone told the boyfriend the gospel and that he needed to repent and ask Jesus for salvation. He turned to his girlfriend and said, "Why didn't you tell me?" Our response: ouch.
But I was still thinking about that line and about the way I talk to my students. I give them lots of information. I explain all sorts of things about their questions. As long as they are willing to ask, I am willing to be completely honest with them. But it's kind of like the girl in Beginner Bible last Thursday...after I have drawn diagrams, spilled my heart, shared every thought I have, they are still the ones left to make the important conclusion, "So...this means I should follow God?"
I have shared before about Takaaki--the young guy who prayed for 9 hours during 24/7, who attends every Christian event that we have when school isn't killing him, who sees Bible passages and always seems to come up with the conclusion, "If this is true...we really should be responding to God, shouldn't we?". Takaaki came to Bible Study this morning. He came to church too. And the whole service through, I was thinking..."No more talking in circles...I have got to ask Takaaki if he knows how a person becomes Christian and let him know if he doesn't." He was talking to Masujima sensei--a strong leader in the congregation for awhile at the end of the service. Finally, I got to him and rather awkwardly said, "Umm...Takaaki, I have something I need to talk to you about."
I asked him if he knew how to become a Christian and he said, "I was just talking with Masujima sensei about what I do if I want to get baptized." I tried not to dance all over the sanctuary right there. But then I told him how I'd been thinking I needed to talk to him the whole service through. He said, "That was good timing."
So, I explained to him how it seems like a lot of Japanese people think you have to understand everything about Christianity to become a Christian. To which he laughed and said, "Yeah...me too." And so I told him how I don't know everything about Christianity and Yasui sensei doesn't either and we're all on this path together. He was surprised. (Which kind of surprised me, for all the questions I answer "I don't know!" in class). Then I said that the first step of becoming a Christian is just telling Jesus that you are a sinner and that you need Him and asking Him to be in control of your life. He was shocked. Which confirmed for me that I am not being as open with my students as I think I am.
He asked me where he could get "lessons" to learn about Christianity to become baptized, and so I pointed him to Yasui sensei.
But then I was a little more bold and said, "You know...you can pray that prayer to Jesus anytime. We could pray it together right now if you wanted."
He wasn't ready yet. He said he would have to think about it and that he had to go. But he didn't make it all the way out the door but instead started a conversation with a church member with the question, "Do you like talking to God?" Hee.
Please keep him in your prayers!
Prayer meetings in Higashi Kurume often seem more like story telling sessions than traditional prayer times. At least, we often manage to spend more time cheering each other on with stories of what we're hearing in our churches, our city, or on other sides of the globe than we do praying. But the prayer is powerful, exciting, joyful as well.
Last night we were talking about on the line pre-Christians we know. There are a lot of them in Japan. We talked about things we've heard them say for why they don't become Christian (everything from fearing that the persecutions of 400 years ago will repeat and they will be persecuted to the belief that they are too old). A pastor in the group shared a story about a girlfriend and boyfriend. The girlfriend was Christian. Someone told the boyfriend the gospel and that he needed to repent and ask Jesus for salvation. He turned to his girlfriend and said, "Why didn't you tell me?" Our response: ouch.
But I was still thinking about that line and about the way I talk to my students. I give them lots of information. I explain all sorts of things about their questions. As long as they are willing to ask, I am willing to be completely honest with them. But it's kind of like the girl in Beginner Bible last Thursday...after I have drawn diagrams, spilled my heart, shared every thought I have, they are still the ones left to make the important conclusion, "So...this means I should follow God?"
I have shared before about Takaaki--the young guy who prayed for 9 hours during 24/7, who attends every Christian event that we have when school isn't killing him, who sees Bible passages and always seems to come up with the conclusion, "If this is true...we really should be responding to God, shouldn't we?". Takaaki came to Bible Study this morning. He came to church too. And the whole service through, I was thinking..."No more talking in circles...I have got to ask Takaaki if he knows how a person becomes Christian and let him know if he doesn't." He was talking to Masujima sensei--a strong leader in the congregation for awhile at the end of the service. Finally, I got to him and rather awkwardly said, "Umm...Takaaki, I have something I need to talk to you about."
I asked him if he knew how to become a Christian and he said, "I was just talking with Masujima sensei about what I do if I want to get baptized." I tried not to dance all over the sanctuary right there. But then I told him how I'd been thinking I needed to talk to him the whole service through. He said, "That was good timing."
So, I explained to him how it seems like a lot of Japanese people think you have to understand everything about Christianity to become a Christian. To which he laughed and said, "Yeah...me too." And so I told him how I don't know everything about Christianity and Yasui sensei doesn't either and we're all on this path together. He was surprised. (Which kind of surprised me, for all the questions I answer "I don't know!" in class). Then I said that the first step of becoming a Christian is just telling Jesus that you are a sinner and that you need Him and asking Him to be in control of your life. He was shocked. Which confirmed for me that I am not being as open with my students as I think I am.
He asked me where he could get "lessons" to learn about Christianity to become baptized, and so I pointed him to Yasui sensei.
But then I was a little more bold and said, "You know...you can pray that prayer to Jesus anytime. We could pray it together right now if you wanted."
He wasn't ready yet. He said he would have to think about it and that he had to go. But he didn't make it all the way out the door but instead started a conversation with a church member with the question, "Do you like talking to God?" Hee.
Please keep him in your prayers!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
And we're back...
My first Beginner Bible class was today!
There's something about new terms that always makes it very, very clear how little about Christianity is in the culture of the country I live in. And it is both frustrating and satisfying...satisfying because I realize how much my students have really learned about Christianity in the course of the last term, and frustrating because I have new students and must return to square one all over again.
Today there were two new students at Beginner Bible class...they are my favorite kinds of students, aka, the ones who ask difficult, honest questions. We read the creation of humans today, and I got way ahead of myself (because they didn't have the appropriate background info to actually understand the answers to their questions) and in the course of an hour and a half ended up drawing pictures and charts on the board to explain authority, the fall, the trinity, why God became a human, what it means for us, and what happened spiritually when Jesus died and rose again.
One of the new students is really observant. And I felt like she had a knack for picking out the parts of the text that cause disagreement among Christians interpreting. So, she immediately picked up on God saying "create them in our image" and asked about the "our". She also looked at what humans had originally been told to eat and asked if eating meat was considered a sin.
The other new student, on the other hand, while studying the "trinity diagram" asked if Jesus and the Holy Spirit existed at the same time.
I think they kind of got the important points, though. But man!! I was reflecting during this whole thing how good it is that God uses multiple people to share the gospel, because many of these students I don't see more than once, or at least not so consistently. But it's so impossible to explain only the important points! At least in a way that would have meaning. I could tell them simply that Jesus died for their sins...that his death set us free from slavery to sin and Satan. But that has never seemed to get through...it gets stuck in questions like: who is Jesus? Are you saying *I'm* a sinner? What is this sin thing anyway? What does that have to do with my daily life? Who is Satan? If Jesus death set us free, why is the world still screwed up? Why are you insisting that there is one God and then talking about three different parts?
But by laying the entire thing out, it makes sense. You have God's command from the moment of our creation to rule over the earth, the devastating decision to turn that authority over to Satan, and then the brilliance of God...not to keep shouting down from heaven to try to get us to get it right, but clothing himself in human skin to fix what only a human had the authority to fix.
Somehow, something worked. At least, by the end of all my board diagram, one of the new students summed it up very well: "So...we should follow God?"
Please pray for my students...the new ones are Naoko and Hirano-san.
There's something about new terms that always makes it very, very clear how little about Christianity is in the culture of the country I live in. And it is both frustrating and satisfying...satisfying because I realize how much my students have really learned about Christianity in the course of the last term, and frustrating because I have new students and must return to square one all over again.
Today there were two new students at Beginner Bible class...they are my favorite kinds of students, aka, the ones who ask difficult, honest questions. We read the creation of humans today, and I got way ahead of myself (because they didn't have the appropriate background info to actually understand the answers to their questions) and in the course of an hour and a half ended up drawing pictures and charts on the board to explain authority, the fall, the trinity, why God became a human, what it means for us, and what happened spiritually when Jesus died and rose again.
One of the new students is really observant. And I felt like she had a knack for picking out the parts of the text that cause disagreement among Christians interpreting. So, she immediately picked up on God saying "create them in our image" and asked about the "our". She also looked at what humans had originally been told to eat and asked if eating meat was considered a sin.
The other new student, on the other hand, while studying the "trinity diagram" asked if Jesus and the Holy Spirit existed at the same time.
I think they kind of got the important points, though. But man!! I was reflecting during this whole thing how good it is that God uses multiple people to share the gospel, because many of these students I don't see more than once, or at least not so consistently. But it's so impossible to explain only the important points! At least in a way that would have meaning. I could tell them simply that Jesus died for their sins...that his death set us free from slavery to sin and Satan. But that has never seemed to get through...it gets stuck in questions like: who is Jesus? Are you saying *I'm* a sinner? What is this sin thing anyway? What does that have to do with my daily life? Who is Satan? If Jesus death set us free, why is the world still screwed up? Why are you insisting that there is one God and then talking about three different parts?
But by laying the entire thing out, it makes sense. You have God's command from the moment of our creation to rule over the earth, the devastating decision to turn that authority over to Satan, and then the brilliance of God...not to keep shouting down from heaven to try to get us to get it right, but clothing himself in human skin to fix what only a human had the authority to fix.
Somehow, something worked. At least, by the end of all my board diagram, one of the new students summed it up very well: "So...we should follow God?"
Please pray for my students...the new ones are Naoko and Hirano-san.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
How to see beyond?
We had another English book club today. It's been interesting and frustrating to read The Heavenly Man with people from my church. At the beginning, the book causes a big explosion. There are two non-Christians in the group, and all the others are church members. One of the non-Christians went on a rant about how he didn't want to read a book that was just full of miracles. A church member went on a long processing train of thought about how this book was like reading the Bible and he couldn't figure out why the Chinese people became Christian. Multiple people were confused about why the main character became Christian (his father had cancer and was cured overnight when prayed for...the whole family followed Jesus from then on).
The way people respond to miracles often confuses me. When I read about miracles...real miracles, mind you...those things that are inexplicable aside from God existing...they make me starving to see Him in real life. Reading about them always makes me go slightly crazy...that is, I end up in my room in tears begging Him not to hide from me and not to keep His face turned from the places I live. I watch many people (Christian and non), however, hear about miracles, shake their heads, and say "I can't believe that." To me, when I read these stories, I think not believing them requires a greater leap of faith, and a much more detailed argument, than believing them. The number of things that would have to be true for this story to be anything other than God touching China with a magnificent show of power is unbelievable to me.
Anyway...we had another meeting today. I really appreciated the church member who is leading the club because he has put a tremendous amount of work into getting us maps and putting together time lines and looking up Bible verses to go along with the story. It definitely adds to the story when you see where some of the places are, and just how far they were willing to walk to carry the gospel.
What I have realized, though, is how much suffering can steal our eyes away from God in the times when He is often most visible. Today, they decided that we will read chapter eight next month, and after that we will probably skip to chapter 22 because everything in between those two chapters is pretty much "just persecutions", the leader claimed. I was not sure how to respond.
Partially, I am a little relieved. I know that this book has stirred up some of the thoughts that needed to be stirred up, and I'm not sure the church members need to read it for the next year and a half, which is about how long they would be reading it at the rate they're going. They've purchased the book, so if there are people who God is nudging to see a bigger picture of Him, they can always read it on their own.
But it brings up an interesting point to me...the sufferings that Yun goes through are horrible. But they are not the whole story, or even close to the whole story. They are going to miss stories of unbelievable transformation within prison walls...of a complete fast that lasted longer than 40 days...they'll miss Yun learning about his service to the Lord becoming an idol and how he brought his focus back...they'll miss efforts to unify the house churches in China...they'll miss seeing the amazing good things that happen because Yun stands up for the truth boldly, and the way God cares for him constantly while he is inside prison walls...and stories of God warning Yun ahead of time about what will happen through visions so that he is prepared and can continue to honor God through everything that happens to him.
But hearing from the people who have read the whole book, it's almost like they didn't see any of this stuff anyway...my non-Christian student who attends this book club described the book after she finished reading it as "a book where the man suffers through the entire thing." She made it sound like every page was nothing other than reading about a man in agony.
Perceptions are interesting things...it's interesting to me that, in a book where I see God's power overcoming in the most dramatic, awesome ways possible, others see nothing more than a man tortured around every turn.
It's something I experienced myself, especially with the prophetic books of the Bible. I remember reading Amos for the first time as a college student and feeling physically sick. When I read Amos, all I saw was God's anger, God's threats of violence, people being killed. It took until the fourth time reading it (in the course of a week...it was for class) to see the verses "They sell the righteous for silver, and the needy for a pair of sandals. They trample on the heads of the poor as upon the dust of the ground and deny justice to the oppressed." (2:6-7). That was all I needed...my view of God at that time involved a God who mostly cared for the poor, homeless, etc., and seeing that the reason he was angry was because serious, serious injustice was happening was my gateway into being able to see Him in those books...but I had to have that opening first. That one view of His goodness in the middle of verses like "For three sins of Israel, even for four, I will not turn back my wrath" (which caused my stomach to ache) was all it took to begin the journey of seeing Him other places in the prophetic books.
I wonder what the opening would be for these church members. I wish I could help them see God and be inspired by this story.
The way people respond to miracles often confuses me. When I read about miracles...real miracles, mind you...those things that are inexplicable aside from God existing...they make me starving to see Him in real life. Reading about them always makes me go slightly crazy...that is, I end up in my room in tears begging Him not to hide from me and not to keep His face turned from the places I live. I watch many people (Christian and non), however, hear about miracles, shake their heads, and say "I can't believe that." To me, when I read these stories, I think not believing them requires a greater leap of faith, and a much more detailed argument, than believing them. The number of things that would have to be true for this story to be anything other than God touching China with a magnificent show of power is unbelievable to me.
Anyway...we had another meeting today. I really appreciated the church member who is leading the club because he has put a tremendous amount of work into getting us maps and putting together time lines and looking up Bible verses to go along with the story. It definitely adds to the story when you see where some of the places are, and just how far they were willing to walk to carry the gospel.
What I have realized, though, is how much suffering can steal our eyes away from God in the times when He is often most visible. Today, they decided that we will read chapter eight next month, and after that we will probably skip to chapter 22 because everything in between those two chapters is pretty much "just persecutions", the leader claimed. I was not sure how to respond.
Partially, I am a little relieved. I know that this book has stirred up some of the thoughts that needed to be stirred up, and I'm not sure the church members need to read it for the next year and a half, which is about how long they would be reading it at the rate they're going. They've purchased the book, so if there are people who God is nudging to see a bigger picture of Him, they can always read it on their own.
But it brings up an interesting point to me...the sufferings that Yun goes through are horrible. But they are not the whole story, or even close to the whole story. They are going to miss stories of unbelievable transformation within prison walls...of a complete fast that lasted longer than 40 days...they'll miss Yun learning about his service to the Lord becoming an idol and how he brought his focus back...they'll miss efforts to unify the house churches in China...they'll miss seeing the amazing good things that happen because Yun stands up for the truth boldly, and the way God cares for him constantly while he is inside prison walls...and stories of God warning Yun ahead of time about what will happen through visions so that he is prepared and can continue to honor God through everything that happens to him.
But hearing from the people who have read the whole book, it's almost like they didn't see any of this stuff anyway...my non-Christian student who attends this book club described the book after she finished reading it as "a book where the man suffers through the entire thing." She made it sound like every page was nothing other than reading about a man in agony.
Perceptions are interesting things...it's interesting to me that, in a book where I see God's power overcoming in the most dramatic, awesome ways possible, others see nothing more than a man tortured around every turn.
It's something I experienced myself, especially with the prophetic books of the Bible. I remember reading Amos for the first time as a college student and feeling physically sick. When I read Amos, all I saw was God's anger, God's threats of violence, people being killed. It took until the fourth time reading it (in the course of a week...it was for class) to see the verses "They sell the righteous for silver, and the needy for a pair of sandals. They trample on the heads of the poor as upon the dust of the ground and deny justice to the oppressed." (2:6-7). That was all I needed...my view of God at that time involved a God who mostly cared for the poor, homeless, etc., and seeing that the reason he was angry was because serious, serious injustice was happening was my gateway into being able to see Him in those books...but I had to have that opening first. That one view of His goodness in the middle of verses like "For three sins of Israel, even for four, I will not turn back my wrath" (which caused my stomach to ache) was all it took to begin the journey of seeing Him other places in the prophetic books.
I wonder what the opening would be for these church members. I wish I could help them see God and be inspired by this story.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Fun Registration TImes
Yesterday was a good afternoon at Hongo. Classes will start next week, but this week we come and hang out at the center from about 2-7:30 to register new students. Sometimes things are pretty slow...our old students usually don't register until classes start, and we don't usually get dramatic rushes of new people. Today our first new visitors of the day were two girls who came in at 7:30 just as we were picking up our bags and getting ready to flip light switches.
But yesterday was really busy! We had something like eight people stop by. My favorite, however, was a guy named Amar. He looked Japanese to me, so when he first tried to tell me his name, I automatically tried to make it into a Japanese sounding name. "Amaru?" But no...he corrected me. And then told me his full name, which I made him write down and teach me how to pronounce. He is from Mongolia.
Normally we go pretty easy on our registering students...Etsuko gives an explanation of our free Bible classes and strongly invites people to attend those as well, even if only to get more English practice. But when she asked Amar any questions, he told her that he had seen on the internet that we were a Lutheran organization, and so he had looked up the history of the Lutheran church and Martin Luther and wondered if Etsuko would tell him more about it.
I love seeing Etsuko get the chance to do what she really loves doing. She wanted to be a pastor, but has ended up a church and English school receptionist. The days I come in when she has had to shove letters in envelopes all day I see how much it wears on her. But give her anyone who will give her the chance to talk and encourage and teach and she lights up.
This Mongolian grad student was completely engrossed in her explanation of papal bulls, sola scriptura, and salvation by faith. I was a little afraid she was overdoing it, but once she stopped he just pressed on with the questions. She had a Bible out soon enough and was showing him through that as well. Only when two more prospective students walked in the door did he jump to his feet, a little embarrassed, and apologize for taking so much of our time. We assured him he had been no trouble at all, and he assured us he would be back with more questions.
A little while later, we had a Korean guy stop by who is only in Tokyo for a few weeks, but asked if he could pray in our church.
I have a cool job. :-)
But yesterday was really busy! We had something like eight people stop by. My favorite, however, was a guy named Amar. He looked Japanese to me, so when he first tried to tell me his name, I automatically tried to make it into a Japanese sounding name. "Amaru?" But no...he corrected me. And then told me his full name, which I made him write down and teach me how to pronounce. He is from Mongolia.
Normally we go pretty easy on our registering students...Etsuko gives an explanation of our free Bible classes and strongly invites people to attend those as well, even if only to get more English practice. But when she asked Amar any questions, he told her that he had seen on the internet that we were a Lutheran organization, and so he had looked up the history of the Lutheran church and Martin Luther and wondered if Etsuko would tell him more about it.
I love seeing Etsuko get the chance to do what she really loves doing. She wanted to be a pastor, but has ended up a church and English school receptionist. The days I come in when she has had to shove letters in envelopes all day I see how much it wears on her. But give her anyone who will give her the chance to talk and encourage and teach and she lights up.
This Mongolian grad student was completely engrossed in her explanation of papal bulls, sola scriptura, and salvation by faith. I was a little afraid she was overdoing it, but once she stopped he just pressed on with the questions. She had a Bible out soon enough and was showing him through that as well. Only when two more prospective students walked in the door did he jump to his feet, a little embarrassed, and apologize for taking so much of our time. We assured him he had been no trouble at all, and he assured us he would be back with more questions.
A little while later, we had a Korean guy stop by who is only in Tokyo for a few weeks, but asked if he could pray in our church.
I have a cool job. :-)
You know what kind of pray-ers you're getting involved with when...
You tell them the prayer time is from 9-11 and you receive an email in response that says:
"hey is it 9am to 11am, 9pm to 11pm, or 9am to 11pm?"
Personally, I think 9pm to 11am would have been more likely than 9am to 11pm, but you know. To each his or her own. ;-)
"hey is it 9am to 11am, 9pm to 11pm, or 9am to 11pm?"
Personally, I think 9pm to 11am would have been more likely than 9am to 11pm, but you know. To each his or her own. ;-)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Ah, the Tokyo Life
As of checking my email this morning, if I did everything I have been invited to that would be potentially good and cool this weekend, I would be:
-Leading an overnight prayer meeting for Japan praying at the same time as a Hong Kong group from 9pm Friday to 6am Saturday.
-Taking off to meet the GAPers (Gospel Assembly of Praise) people at the beach at 1pm Saturday afternoon.
-Either making it back at 7pm to go to Tokyo Baptist to watch a girl who found me on the 24/7 site on the internet but who I haven't met yet sing in a gospel choir there (how's that for a run-on sentence?)...or going to watch the same thing Sunday morning at 9am. She didn't find me to invite me to the choir concert...she's looking for a group that prays for the nations...I'm excited to meet her someday hopefully soon!
-Hongo for morning worship at 10:30am
-And reading Brother Yun with the English Book Club at Hongo from 2-4
-And worshiping with the GAPers in the afternoon at 4:00 and hanging out with them through dinner.
I'm in one of my super-hyperactive excited phases...so I look at all this and say...yay! Nothing overlaps! That might be doable! *laughing at self* Someone hit me over the head.
So...any of you Tokyo folks want to pray for Japan overnight, come to the beach with some cool people, or go watch a gospel choir with me? Come to think of it...oh man. This might be the Saturday my revival prayer group meets as well...wow. Never mind about nothing overlapping. Happy back to regular schedules, everyone! ;-) (I am *so* excited to be moving again!)
-Leading an overnight prayer meeting for Japan praying at the same time as a Hong Kong group from 9pm Friday to 6am Saturday.
-Taking off to meet the GAPers (Gospel Assembly of Praise) people at the beach at 1pm Saturday afternoon.
-Either making it back at 7pm to go to Tokyo Baptist to watch a girl who found me on the 24/7 site on the internet but who I haven't met yet sing in a gospel choir there (how's that for a run-on sentence?)...or going to watch the same thing Sunday morning at 9am. She didn't find me to invite me to the choir concert...she's looking for a group that prays for the nations...I'm excited to meet her someday hopefully soon!
-Hongo for morning worship at 10:30am
-And reading Brother Yun with the English Book Club at Hongo from 2-4
-And worshiping with the GAPers in the afternoon at 4:00 and hanging out with them through dinner.
I'm in one of my super-hyperactive excited phases...so I look at all this and say...yay! Nothing overlaps! That might be doable! *laughing at self* Someone hit me over the head.
So...any of you Tokyo folks want to pray for Japan overnight, come to the beach with some cool people, or go watch a gospel choir with me? Come to think of it...oh man. This might be the Saturday my revival prayer group meets as well...wow. Never mind about nothing overlapping. Happy back to regular schedules, everyone! ;-) (I am *so* excited to be moving again!)
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Silence and Hiding Christians
There is a very famous book about the 17th century Christian persecutions in Japan called "Silence", written by Shusaku Endo. One of my professors gave it to me to read while I was thinking about whether or not I would go to Japan. The characters in the book are being tortured for their faith, and the book centers around the complicated issues about how they will respond to the pain inflicted on them. Also threaded throughout is the theme of the silence of God and the struggle of the suffering Christians as that silence makes them feel abandoned.
Understanding the current spiritual climate in Japan requires understanding the history.
The tactic of the shogunate for determining whether people were Christian or not during the persecutions was very simple. They made whole villages come to the temples and then they brought out a round disk they called a "fumie". It had an image of either Jesus or Mary on it, and the people were forced to stamp on the image. If a person refused to tread on it, they were killed. Through this and other persecutions, the church became invisible very quickly.
Japanese Christians became very adept at hiding. There is a museum in Tokyo that is a whole collection of artifacts made by these Christians. There are many items with cleverly hidden crosses, images of Mary made to look like Buddhist images, and other ways that the Christians found ways to represent their faith so that they could practice without anyone knowing what they were doing. There's a fairly detailed website here with a picture presentation if you are interested in more about the Japanese hidden Christians.
The bans on Christianity lifted in the 19th century, and some hidden Christians came out of hiding and rejoined the Catholic church.
But there's an aspect of the Japanese church that is still hidden. You see it in the Christians who go to church on Sunday, but don't let their coworkers know they are Christian. Or it's in the many Japanese people who are waiting for a family member to die before they will get baptized.
Today, I had lunch with a young guy who recently became a Christian while he was studying abroad in Illinois. He's been back in Japan for a little more than a year now, and the adjustment has been difficult for him at times.
For awhile, I've been in something of an intense discussion with him. He decided several months ago that evangelism of any sort wasn't people's work, but God's work. He had decided it was just fine to let people be. Recently that view of his was developing even further, and he had decided from the tower of Babel story that diversity was something that needed to be defended. I am a fan of diversity, except when it goes so far as to say that all religions are equally true and should be "tolerated" in the sense of never saying "I think you're wrong" to another person. The center of our discussion has been that I believe that some things are True. And when something is True, it is worth defending to other people--especially when the Truth in question is Jesus, and a treasure of a Kingdom of God that is worth trading our entire life for.
For a couple months, we have been going around in circles with this discussion. And I couldn't quite figure out why. For whatever reason, my argument of, "This is worth standing up for because it is True", just doesn't seem to hold water when I pull it out here.
Last night I had a conversation with a friend until nearly 5am. We finished by saying, "Well...maybe we didn't solve any of Japan or the world's problems, but we discussed them all!" But there was an immediate fruit to our conversation, because we had been talking about the problem of hiding and isolation in Japan. So, this time when I came back to the discussion with this guy, that was fresh in my mind, and I explained to him that I saw Japan as a country of hiding Christians, and that it wasn't what God intended for us here.
The response was instantaneous. I was shocked at how quickly it framed his entire situation...not from my perspective, but from his. He was instantly able to summarize it as him pulling back. And then we had a super productive conversation about why he feels like hiding, how one fights the desire to hide, how one deals with reaching out when Satan is throwing condemnation after condemnation. It's amazing how changing a lens changes everything...we've been struggling all these weeks with questions of "If God doesn't need me, why should I do anything?" and "Is there even really just one truth in the first place?"...I would have thought those were central issues. Apparently they were not the core.
It's something I've been realizing more and more...sometimes the greatest faith is in leaving action alone and offering up a prayer. But very often, our prayers are weak because we are praying for God to do things that we could do ourselves, but are not willing to. "God...please heal this person, but don't ask me to spend time with them." "God...please reveal yourself to my unsaved friend, but don't make me ruin our relationship by speaking Your truth to them!" "God...please save our country...but don't give me an active role in Your work!" "God...please take care of hungry people...but don't make me give more than 10% of my income!" Our actions make our prayers hypocritical. We should pray with all our heart...we must offer the situations around us up in prayer...but if we believe that God will answer, that should create freedom and love that will propel us to act.
More on this later. I have several thousand ramifications I'm still thinking through.
Understanding the current spiritual climate in Japan requires understanding the history.
The tactic of the shogunate for determining whether people were Christian or not during the persecutions was very simple. They made whole villages come to the temples and then they brought out a round disk they called a "fumie". It had an image of either Jesus or Mary on it, and the people were forced to stamp on the image. If a person refused to tread on it, they were killed. Through this and other persecutions, the church became invisible very quickly.
Japanese Christians became very adept at hiding. There is a museum in Tokyo that is a whole collection of artifacts made by these Christians. There are many items with cleverly hidden crosses, images of Mary made to look like Buddhist images, and other ways that the Christians found ways to represent their faith so that they could practice without anyone knowing what they were doing. There's a fairly detailed website here with a picture presentation if you are interested in more about the Japanese hidden Christians.
The bans on Christianity lifted in the 19th century, and some hidden Christians came out of hiding and rejoined the Catholic church.
But there's an aspect of the Japanese church that is still hidden. You see it in the Christians who go to church on Sunday, but don't let their coworkers know they are Christian. Or it's in the many Japanese people who are waiting for a family member to die before they will get baptized.
Today, I had lunch with a young guy who recently became a Christian while he was studying abroad in Illinois. He's been back in Japan for a little more than a year now, and the adjustment has been difficult for him at times.
For awhile, I've been in something of an intense discussion with him. He decided several months ago that evangelism of any sort wasn't people's work, but God's work. He had decided it was just fine to let people be. Recently that view of his was developing even further, and he had decided from the tower of Babel story that diversity was something that needed to be defended. I am a fan of diversity, except when it goes so far as to say that all religions are equally true and should be "tolerated" in the sense of never saying "I think you're wrong" to another person. The center of our discussion has been that I believe that some things are True. And when something is True, it is worth defending to other people--especially when the Truth in question is Jesus, and a treasure of a Kingdom of God that is worth trading our entire life for.
For a couple months, we have been going around in circles with this discussion. And I couldn't quite figure out why. For whatever reason, my argument of, "This is worth standing up for because it is True", just doesn't seem to hold water when I pull it out here.
Last night I had a conversation with a friend until nearly 5am. We finished by saying, "Well...maybe we didn't solve any of Japan or the world's problems, but we discussed them all!" But there was an immediate fruit to our conversation, because we had been talking about the problem of hiding and isolation in Japan. So, this time when I came back to the discussion with this guy, that was fresh in my mind, and I explained to him that I saw Japan as a country of hiding Christians, and that it wasn't what God intended for us here.
The response was instantaneous. I was shocked at how quickly it framed his entire situation...not from my perspective, but from his. He was instantly able to summarize it as him pulling back. And then we had a super productive conversation about why he feels like hiding, how one fights the desire to hide, how one deals with reaching out when Satan is throwing condemnation after condemnation. It's amazing how changing a lens changes everything...we've been struggling all these weeks with questions of "If God doesn't need me, why should I do anything?" and "Is there even really just one truth in the first place?"...I would have thought those were central issues. Apparently they were not the core.
It's something I've been realizing more and more...sometimes the greatest faith is in leaving action alone and offering up a prayer. But very often, our prayers are weak because we are praying for God to do things that we could do ourselves, but are not willing to. "God...please heal this person, but don't ask me to spend time with them." "God...please reveal yourself to my unsaved friend, but don't make me ruin our relationship by speaking Your truth to them!" "God...please save our country...but don't give me an active role in Your work!" "God...please take care of hungry people...but don't make me give more than 10% of my income!" Our actions make our prayers hypocritical. We should pray with all our heart...we must offer the situations around us up in prayer...but if we believe that God will answer, that should create freedom and love that will propel us to act.
More on this later. I have several thousand ramifications I'm still thinking through.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Gathering Artists and Missionaries All
This last Friday, a had a lot of friends over to my apartment. My birthday was back in June, and this weekend people had some time, and so my friends informed me that they would be descending upon my apartment en mass. The problem with getting together with my missionary friends is always that all of us teach English until late in the evening. I get home around 10pm on Fridays. But, undeterred by such obstacles, they kept arriving in waves until we had six of us in my apartment, the last one arriving after 11:00 sometime. And then we had a wonderful time playing Apples to Apples and finally went to bed with the sun around 4:30 in the morning.
It was a really lovely time. We don't get together very often at all just to hang out.
My friends also went against my request that they not get me anything...I tried to tell them all I wanted was for them to come over and play board games, but Jenae arrived with a guitar case on her back, and after I got over my initial incredibly gullible and naive thoughts of, "Woah...did Jenae start playing guitar?!" and realized there was a ribbon on the back of it, I decided I was really glad they had gone against my request. They had all gone together on one really awesome gift.
My old guitar case is the one that came with my guitar...I recently had to sew about a foot and a half long tear in the side of the case that was just from me walking around with it, and the pocket in front has had a tear that has made it unable to hold anything since about my second week with the case. My old case is also no good for carrying a guitar while riding a bicycle, which is a necessary skill for my existence. Since it wasn't a backpack case, I would swing the shoulder strap over one shoulder and slip my other arm through one of the handles and bumble along that way, usually knocking my guitar into various posts and things that I am much more skilled at navigating around when I don't have a guitar swinging off my back.
So, Jenae arrived with a brand new backpack guitar case with all sorts of interesting pockets. It has little pockets in the backpack straps, one of which even has a little hole so you can put your ipod inside and then pull the ear buds out and listen as you walk. In fact, upon further inspection the following day, I am pretty sure that I can put everything that really matters to me inside the case. Which is to say, there is room for my song book, a notebook, my Bible and maybe one more book, space for guitar picks and my capo, and the nice little ipod slot. There is a strap at the top that one friend suggested might be for an extra bag, and if I could find some way to attach an extra pair of clothes, brush, hairbrush, soap and little bottles of shampoo and laundry detergent, I think, as I told my friends, that I could go completely gypsy. Then they were a little worried about having given me the guitar case. But I am overjoyed with it! It was so easy to ride my bicycle to church on Sunday, and I didn't clunk my guitar into anything.
People left a couple at a time in the morning until there were three of us left, and then the guitar came out. I had promised some of them I would play a song for them that I had written. I wrote the song quite a while ago...or, at least several months ago, but I've been really shy about sharing it. Then, a couple Sundays ago, I was playing guitar while other people were milling around and talking after church, and I played my song...it's no problem to play it if no one knows it's mine. ;-) But a 12 year old ran and found someone to translate for her to let me know that she thought I should send in a demo tape because a music company would surely accept it. Now, I am very aware that what she said is not true in the slightest...but I figure that if a 12 year old thinks my song could be on the radio, it is maybe safe to share it and put my name on it.
The danger isn't even that people won't like it...though that would be sad too. But I've realized when people create something, it's not just like putting together a model airplane or making a stack of blocks (no offense to anyone who does those things in a truly artistic way), but it's like taking a small sampling of their own soul and putting it down on paper. You choose words that mean something real to you, and make a melody that flows out of somewhere so deep inside you you don't know how you even got to it, and whether it's profound or beautiful or deep or sad or joyful or simple, it's a sliver of you at the deepest level. It's not about skill, it's about beauty. As such, the greatest danger is that people will hear and be indifferent.
Some of the most beautiful music I have ever known was from a small congregation in Honduras. It was my first time in a foreign country, and I will never forget the shock of this six person church that sang with the strength of six hundred. Every note was wrong, but sung with the confidence of Pavarotti. And when I thought the song was finished (they had sung all the verses) they often continued on, either repeating a verse or adding a new verse they all knew that wasn't in the hymnal. That to me is beauty.
I wasn't the only one sharing music on Saturday, but my friend Kat had also written a song. After she heard mine, she tried to get out of playing hers. But we dragged her over to Hongo to use the piano and she shared her songs with us. After she was done playing, I was really glad I'd gotten to play first, because I thought hers were a whole lot better than mine! But the comparison is just anxiety. What is really amazing about the whole thing is hearing the music someone else has written and getting to see a little bit more of that deepest part of them which has dared to put itself on paper.
Amber was the third friend still with me in the afternoon, and she is also an artist. In addition to her painting, Amber's had the idea for a long time of putting together a liturgy written entirely by our group of missionaries. This might sound like a nice, normal idea after you've read this entry and assumed that we have original music coming out our ears or something, but when she came up with the idea, to my knowledge, only one member of the community had written music before and she wasn't even living in Tokyo. I didn't start writing music because of Amber's idea...I started because of the new, strange urge to do so. But it all kind of fits in with this vision that Amber has.
I shared my music in two ways on Saturday, and the second was almost scarier than the first. I had another song that was a simple two line melody. No words. But somehow about the deepest love song to God that was inside of me. I've been searching for words for it for more than a month now with no success. I would find some Bible verse that fit the meaning, but not the rhythm. And so, with Amber thrilled about the liturgy coming together, I offered up the two lines and asked her if she had an idea for words.
We finally ended up with some that were perfect: "Falling at Your feet I worship You, I'm giving everything to You." And that is it...the whole song. But it seemed fitting...I couldn't finish it alone.
I think about the verse, "When you come together, everyone has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. All of these must be done for the strengthening of the church."
Worship is a blend of beauty...it's an offering of the beauty that we have. In community, that means we give over ownership of the beauty that we see. And our beauty becomes blended with the beauty of another person.
It was a really lovely time. We don't get together very often at all just to hang out.
My friends also went against my request that they not get me anything...I tried to tell them all I wanted was for them to come over and play board games, but Jenae arrived with a guitar case on her back, and after I got over my initial incredibly gullible and naive thoughts of, "Woah...did Jenae start playing guitar?!" and realized there was a ribbon on the back of it, I decided I was really glad they had gone against my request. They had all gone together on one really awesome gift.
My old guitar case is the one that came with my guitar...I recently had to sew about a foot and a half long tear in the side of the case that was just from me walking around with it, and the pocket in front has had a tear that has made it unable to hold anything since about my second week with the case. My old case is also no good for carrying a guitar while riding a bicycle, which is a necessary skill for my existence. Since it wasn't a backpack case, I would swing the shoulder strap over one shoulder and slip my other arm through one of the handles and bumble along that way, usually knocking my guitar into various posts and things that I am much more skilled at navigating around when I don't have a guitar swinging off my back.
So, Jenae arrived with a brand new backpack guitar case with all sorts of interesting pockets. It has little pockets in the backpack straps, one of which even has a little hole so you can put your ipod inside and then pull the ear buds out and listen as you walk. In fact, upon further inspection the following day, I am pretty sure that I can put everything that really matters to me inside the case. Which is to say, there is room for my song book, a notebook, my Bible and maybe one more book, space for guitar picks and my capo, and the nice little ipod slot. There is a strap at the top that one friend suggested might be for an extra bag, and if I could find some way to attach an extra pair of clothes, brush, hairbrush, soap and little bottles of shampoo and laundry detergent, I think, as I told my friends, that I could go completely gypsy. Then they were a little worried about having given me the guitar case. But I am overjoyed with it! It was so easy to ride my bicycle to church on Sunday, and I didn't clunk my guitar into anything.
People left a couple at a time in the morning until there were three of us left, and then the guitar came out. I had promised some of them I would play a song for them that I had written. I wrote the song quite a while ago...or, at least several months ago, but I've been really shy about sharing it. Then, a couple Sundays ago, I was playing guitar while other people were milling around and talking after church, and I played my song...it's no problem to play it if no one knows it's mine. ;-) But a 12 year old ran and found someone to translate for her to let me know that she thought I should send in a demo tape because a music company would surely accept it. Now, I am very aware that what she said is not true in the slightest...but I figure that if a 12 year old thinks my song could be on the radio, it is maybe safe to share it and put my name on it.
The danger isn't even that people won't like it...though that would be sad too. But I've realized when people create something, it's not just like putting together a model airplane or making a stack of blocks (no offense to anyone who does those things in a truly artistic way), but it's like taking a small sampling of their own soul and putting it down on paper. You choose words that mean something real to you, and make a melody that flows out of somewhere so deep inside you you don't know how you even got to it, and whether it's profound or beautiful or deep or sad or joyful or simple, it's a sliver of you at the deepest level. It's not about skill, it's about beauty. As such, the greatest danger is that people will hear and be indifferent.
Some of the most beautiful music I have ever known was from a small congregation in Honduras. It was my first time in a foreign country, and I will never forget the shock of this six person church that sang with the strength of six hundred. Every note was wrong, but sung with the confidence of Pavarotti. And when I thought the song was finished (they had sung all the verses) they often continued on, either repeating a verse or adding a new verse they all knew that wasn't in the hymnal. That to me is beauty.
I wasn't the only one sharing music on Saturday, but my friend Kat had also written a song. After she heard mine, she tried to get out of playing hers. But we dragged her over to Hongo to use the piano and she shared her songs with us. After she was done playing, I was really glad I'd gotten to play first, because I thought hers were a whole lot better than mine! But the comparison is just anxiety. What is really amazing about the whole thing is hearing the music someone else has written and getting to see a little bit more of that deepest part of them which has dared to put itself on paper.
Amber was the third friend still with me in the afternoon, and she is also an artist. In addition to her painting, Amber's had the idea for a long time of putting together a liturgy written entirely by our group of missionaries. This might sound like a nice, normal idea after you've read this entry and assumed that we have original music coming out our ears or something, but when she came up with the idea, to my knowledge, only one member of the community had written music before and she wasn't even living in Tokyo. I didn't start writing music because of Amber's idea...I started because of the new, strange urge to do so. But it all kind of fits in with this vision that Amber has.
I shared my music in two ways on Saturday, and the second was almost scarier than the first. I had another song that was a simple two line melody. No words. But somehow about the deepest love song to God that was inside of me. I've been searching for words for it for more than a month now with no success. I would find some Bible verse that fit the meaning, but not the rhythm. And so, with Amber thrilled about the liturgy coming together, I offered up the two lines and asked her if she had an idea for words.
We finally ended up with some that were perfect: "Falling at Your feet I worship You, I'm giving everything to You." And that is it...the whole song. But it seemed fitting...I couldn't finish it alone.
I think about the verse, "When you come together, everyone has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. All of these must be done for the strengthening of the church."
Worship is a blend of beauty...it's an offering of the beauty that we have. In community, that means we give over ownership of the beauty that we see. And our beauty becomes blended with the beauty of another person.
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