These past few weeks, I have observed that I am in all out Transitional State of Being. But it feels different from how it's ever felt before. Usually, to be in transition is to be in mourning. Usually, my mind is flipping through morbid thoughts like, "This is the seventh to last time I'll be doing this." But I haven't found myself filled with dread at all. My reaction has been more along the lines of falling in and out of love with every vision, person, and opportunity that comes my way. The whole world feels like it is charged with potential.
I'm watching all the prayer things happening in Tokyo with this kind of joyful confusion. Well...joyful confusion is kind of my normal state anyway. Joy because it is witnessing what I have watched and prayed for. Joy in knowing that, even if my prayers were the tiniest part in this coming about, part of the wall we are building in Tokyo has been constructed by my hands. Confusion because...I hardly feel part of it now. But at the same time, different groups come up to me and say, "We hope we can count on you to help with this!" and yet I still must pray for and encourage them to reach out to each other. To me this is another 2+2...if multiple people are called to raise up a house of prayer, they are automatically a team. Especially if one of them has a house and the other does not. We shall see how God brings all of it about, though.
On the homefront, I listened to my parents talk about things happening in Lander. It is exciting stuff. A few Sundays ago they had a special service where they pulled all the pews and opened up stations for worship, art, intercession, confession, healing, and maybe other things. The line for healing was so long that the service went almost two hours. There were so many people in the confession line that they had to reallocate people to help out there. So, good stuff.
In the meantime, my dad has done a lot of work with setting up a "One Stop Center" in Lander. It is designed to be a place where the poor can come and get spiritually based support. The Center should ideally be connected to churches and aid organizations throughout the town and be able to refer people to the appropriate organization. It's a little ironic, because the center has always struggled with money. They were recently given a large amount of money, but they are struggling now with staffing and vision.
When the One Stop Center opened my senior year of college, I was so jealous that it was opening several months before I graduated, because I would have gone back home and taken that job in a heartbeat. But the timing was never right, and then God called me to Japan.
And I find myself asking my dad today, "Can you hold it open until April when I get back?"
In my mind there is this fully formed vision. Is it part of the One Stop Center in Lander? Is it part of one of these prayer rooms in Tokyo? Is it something completely new? Is it with friends I already have? Will it be with people I have yet to meet? It's like I have the what and the why but the who, when, and where are completely missing.
But this is what I know...with all my heart I long to have a house that is a safe place. Not for a family, though I might have a family and they might be part of it too. And not as a pastor of a church, though I hope many churches will be involved. It will be a house of prayer. It will be a house where people can stop in to talk at any time. It will be a place where the poor are welcomed and transformed. I have had this vision in some way, shape or form since I was in preschool. And so, ministry sometimes feels like dating...it's like I'm running from ministry to ministry and person to person asking, "Is this the place? Are you the people?"
And so, over and over again, I get pulled into these ministries that are close...but then so confused when they don't come together like what I am looking for. Other dreamers are sometimes the most painful because they'll come alongside and dream, but won't fully commit to it.
Transition times always bring the vision out more fully because I feel myself tempted by so many options...there are so many places that I imagine could be transformed into this place I've always carried in my heart. Sometimes I feel like I see it everywhere. Maybe the potential really is everywhere, and it's waiting for me to be ready rather than the environment to be right. I don't know. But these days, I feel like a walking contradiction so much of the time...falling in and out of love, in and out of excitement, in and out of even feeling like I'm part of a group. I'm afraid to reach out because there is a strong chance that 24 hours later my heart will be cold about the very thing it was ablaze about. And so, I wait.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Because I shall be too excited to sleep for awhile...
Today was incredibly awesome. Just...awesome. My thoughts are still dancing.
Today a speaker from the International House of Prayer in Kansas City (IHOP) came to speak in Tokyo. She is Portuguese. I think I mentioned in another blog entry that a Portuguese pastor working in Tokyo is one of the people with a vision for a prayer house. What I didn't realize is that part of the reason the speaker came was because her daughter had moved to Tokyo. Her daughter is one of the many worship leaders for IHOP...she is a young Portuguese American woman with a five year old daughter...and she is awesome on the piano.
I honestly think I have found my heart. Prayer on its own isn't my heart. But this. Oh my. I called one of my friends tonight to explain it to her and spent the first five minutes or so just babbling absolute nonsense. Something along the lines of, "It was so...oh, it was amazing! I mean...It was...it was the best thing ever...it was just...it was like...you use some instruments, and...man, it was great!" Somehow, she wasn't getting the picture from that stunning description. ;-)
But what this is, is the prayer and worship style used at IHOP called "Harp and Bowl". The Harp is worship and the Bowl is intercession, and it is a loose structure that puts the two things together. I found myself on the worship side of it and just. blown. away.
It works like this...a worship leader begins with a song based in pretty simple chord progressions. Everyone sings it together, and then a lead intercessor takes up the prayer. They pray a Biblical passage, and emphasize a specific phrase they want the worshipers to focus on. For example, we worked out of Ephesians where it says, "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you". The emphasis would be on hope. And so one of the worship leaders sings ad lib about hope...using another Bible verse that comes to mind or repeating the same verse as the intercessor. Out of that, a simple melody is taken and built on. The intercessor grabs things out of that and goes back to crying out to God, and then it returns to the worshipers who praise God based on the prayer.
I don't know if that sounds overly complicated...it's actually pretty simple. The feel of it is a simple melody everyone can just weave their own worship into. So...I came up to try leading it with one other woman and the "pro" worship leader and it was basically three people who had never sung together before making absolutely beautiful three part harmony on the spot.
And I realized that my favorite part of praying with people really isn't being the one who "leads out"...that one takes courage for me every time. But this. It is my favorite part. Listening to the person who leads out and agreeing along with them. Adding my little tidbits to what they are praying. Praising the awesome God who is hearing every word. I never considered that that part of corporate prayer could be done with music, but my heart has been won forever. I am reasonably certain I could do this for my entire life and never get tired of it.
Things are crazy insane in Tokyo right now in the best possible way. As of yesterday, I have spoken to or heard about four separate people not connected to each other who have all decided it is time to start a house of prayer here. I listen to the Portuguese pastor talk and nearly explode from the way he is able to put the vision I thought I had been carrying all my myself into words. He stood in front of us to close us tonight and said, "I have this vision for a house of prayer in the center of Tokyo...God is doing something here, and I don't think it's a church, but a ministry that we will all need to come together and contribute to." And it takes all my strength to keep myself in my chair. Though these people are the sorts who might not be so put off by a young missionary getting up to dance in the middle of their meeting. ;-)
I keep looking at all of this and thinking...this is crazy. God pulled me into this vision only 10-11 months ago, and already it is exploding everywhere. I look at others who have had to wait for so long. And the suffering I have endured waiting for things to get to this point feels like absolutely nothing. Haha...may I remember that the next time it seems like God is doing nothing for an eternity and that I feel I will die because of it. He always returns. And in the silences, His great plans are born.
Today a speaker from the International House of Prayer in Kansas City (IHOP) came to speak in Tokyo. She is Portuguese. I think I mentioned in another blog entry that a Portuguese pastor working in Tokyo is one of the people with a vision for a prayer house. What I didn't realize is that part of the reason the speaker came was because her daughter had moved to Tokyo. Her daughter is one of the many worship leaders for IHOP...she is a young Portuguese American woman with a five year old daughter...and she is awesome on the piano.
I honestly think I have found my heart. Prayer on its own isn't my heart. But this. Oh my. I called one of my friends tonight to explain it to her and spent the first five minutes or so just babbling absolute nonsense. Something along the lines of, "It was so...oh, it was amazing! I mean...It was...it was the best thing ever...it was just...it was like...you use some instruments, and...man, it was great!" Somehow, she wasn't getting the picture from that stunning description. ;-)
But what this is, is the prayer and worship style used at IHOP called "Harp and Bowl". The Harp is worship and the Bowl is intercession, and it is a loose structure that puts the two things together. I found myself on the worship side of it and just. blown. away.
It works like this...a worship leader begins with a song based in pretty simple chord progressions. Everyone sings it together, and then a lead intercessor takes up the prayer. They pray a Biblical passage, and emphasize a specific phrase they want the worshipers to focus on. For example, we worked out of Ephesians where it says, "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you". The emphasis would be on hope. And so one of the worship leaders sings ad lib about hope...using another Bible verse that comes to mind or repeating the same verse as the intercessor. Out of that, a simple melody is taken and built on. The intercessor grabs things out of that and goes back to crying out to God, and then it returns to the worshipers who praise God based on the prayer.
I don't know if that sounds overly complicated...it's actually pretty simple. The feel of it is a simple melody everyone can just weave their own worship into. So...I came up to try leading it with one other woman and the "pro" worship leader and it was basically three people who had never sung together before making absolutely beautiful three part harmony on the spot.
And I realized that my favorite part of praying with people really isn't being the one who "leads out"...that one takes courage for me every time. But this. It is my favorite part. Listening to the person who leads out and agreeing along with them. Adding my little tidbits to what they are praying. Praising the awesome God who is hearing every word. I never considered that that part of corporate prayer could be done with music, but my heart has been won forever. I am reasonably certain I could do this for my entire life and never get tired of it.
Things are crazy insane in Tokyo right now in the best possible way. As of yesterday, I have spoken to or heard about four separate people not connected to each other who have all decided it is time to start a house of prayer here. I listen to the Portuguese pastor talk and nearly explode from the way he is able to put the vision I thought I had been carrying all my myself into words. He stood in front of us to close us tonight and said, "I have this vision for a house of prayer in the center of Tokyo...God is doing something here, and I don't think it's a church, but a ministry that we will all need to come together and contribute to." And it takes all my strength to keep myself in my chair. Though these people are the sorts who might not be so put off by a young missionary getting up to dance in the middle of their meeting. ;-)
I keep looking at all of this and thinking...this is crazy. God pulled me into this vision only 10-11 months ago, and already it is exploding everywhere. I look at others who have had to wait for so long. And the suffering I have endured waiting for things to get to this point feels like absolutely nothing. Haha...may I remember that the next time it seems like God is doing nothing for an eternity and that I feel I will die because of it. He always returns. And in the silences, His great plans are born.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Full Saturday
This morning I dragged myself out of my apartment to do something I had never done before. One of my Korean friends invited me out to do evangelism on the campus close to our church eons ago. I could write an entire entry on my thoughts on tracts, evangelism without relationship building, and perhaps five or six more related topics. But needless to say, a rather frightened, praying-under-her-breath Pamela arrived at the university clock tower about ten minutes late.
We gathered under a tree, sang some hymns in Korean and English, and then took some time to share what God had been showing us during the week in our Bible reading. It's been awhile since I had been in a group that did that, and I was reminded how much I love the accountability. It was a long time of exhortations. The leader of the group retold the whole story of Elijah running from Jezebel, waiting for God on the mountain through the earthquake and fire, and how God finally spoke in a still voice. A British man gave a long, animated exhortation about the book of Ruth and told how God uses the weakest, smallest people. His Japanese wife stood next and, with many fewer words, reminded us of the verse of the cross being foolishness to those who are perishing, but the power of God to those of us being saved. She took comfort in this in the rejection that often comes with sharing the message of the cross.
We all prayed aloud together at the same time, and there was power in the prayer. We didn't "lead anyone to Christ" today, but one high schooler heard the Gospel for the first time; we had a decent conversation with a girl who had studied abroad in Australia and didn't wish to discuss delicate things such as religion; and at the end we had a really fun chat with three guys who were smoking and hanging out by a motorcycle. The guys kind of laughed with us and let us know that Japan has no religion (an often said phrase). Japan has no needs. They repeated. Perhaps two minutes later they had revealed that one of them went to church with his grandma rather often and another had read the whole Bible. This country blows my mind, I tell you! I love Japanese young people a lot.
My verdict on this kind of outreach...dangerous and probably harmful if you think you can just drop a message and run, but potentially wonderful if one is willing to show love and be vulnerable.
It also opened up a connection I had been hoping to make for awhile, because one of the Assemblies girls came to my church afterwards. We had a small Key meeting...truthfully I hadn't expected anyone because I hadn't initiated at all. But it turned out to be four of us. Conversation was deep, real, and God centered. Yay!
I went straight from Key to western Tokyo for the "Sixth Month Checkup" of Global Day of Prayer. We decided once a year wasn't enough. But I must say, this meeting was far more meaningful to me than the one last May.
Stan--the leader of a revival prayer group there--had a wonderful program he called "A Concert of Prayer". With each subject, we would pray as a solo (just on our own), a trio (with the people next to us), and then as a symphony (as the whole group). Every section was moved on by worship songs.
I knew I was "in for it" as soon as I was pulled in for the pre-prayer meeting prayer session and the Holy Spirit just dropped down. Stan was choked up. I could hardly manage words without trembling at who God was. A man I didn't know said that God was holy and the whole group was taken over with awed whispered praises at the holiness of our God. And this was the PRE prayer meeting prayer session.
We praised. We cried out for forgiveness. We stood before God on behalf of Japan, and dozens of other countries as their flags were projected on the screen--including some nation of approximately 7000 people that live off the coast of Newfoundland that Stan is particularly enamored with. ;-) We had five minutes of silence that was the most holy time of the whole evening for me. During the time of silence, I had this picture in my head. It was a father and a little girl. He would try to pick the girl up, but she would hit him on the head, and he would set her down, even though he wanted nothing more than to hold her. Stan called on Pastor Bill to pray after the silence, and he asked forgiveness because we had been holding God at arms length. It seemed very appropriate to me. I could say very little after we were done praying except for, "That was so wonderful and lovely!"
Oh, I should also add, if one more person tells me they are starting a house of prayer anytime soon, I'm not sure what I'll do. One of my Assemblies friends was called to start one a few weeks ago, and is moving into a house / student ministry center to do so sometime this month. As I was walking to the prayer meeting tonight, I heard someone behind me say "Pamela." I turned around, and there was a Brazilian pastor I tried to connect with last May. We had a good talk, obviously both on prayer pages, but didn't really find a connection point. I was surprised he remembered my name. Tonight, as we walked to the meeting, he told me how they really were working to get a continuous prayer ministry (hopefully eventually 24/7) going, and he hoped I would be on board. I have to admit, when I asked God for a 24/7 prayer house in Tokyo back in January, I really didn't expect I was part of this larger vision...and I certainly didn't expect to be told by two separate people in a month less than a year later that it really might happen very, very soon. Pray big, my friends!
We gathered under a tree, sang some hymns in Korean and English, and then took some time to share what God had been showing us during the week in our Bible reading. It's been awhile since I had been in a group that did that, and I was reminded how much I love the accountability. It was a long time of exhortations. The leader of the group retold the whole story of Elijah running from Jezebel, waiting for God on the mountain through the earthquake and fire, and how God finally spoke in a still voice. A British man gave a long, animated exhortation about the book of Ruth and told how God uses the weakest, smallest people. His Japanese wife stood next and, with many fewer words, reminded us of the verse of the cross being foolishness to those who are perishing, but the power of God to those of us being saved. She took comfort in this in the rejection that often comes with sharing the message of the cross.
We all prayed aloud together at the same time, and there was power in the prayer. We didn't "lead anyone to Christ" today, but one high schooler heard the Gospel for the first time; we had a decent conversation with a girl who had studied abroad in Australia and didn't wish to discuss delicate things such as religion; and at the end we had a really fun chat with three guys who were smoking and hanging out by a motorcycle. The guys kind of laughed with us and let us know that Japan has no religion (an often said phrase). Japan has no needs. They repeated. Perhaps two minutes later they had revealed that one of them went to church with his grandma rather often and another had read the whole Bible. This country blows my mind, I tell you! I love Japanese young people a lot.
My verdict on this kind of outreach...dangerous and probably harmful if you think you can just drop a message and run, but potentially wonderful if one is willing to show love and be vulnerable.
It also opened up a connection I had been hoping to make for awhile, because one of the Assemblies girls came to my church afterwards. We had a small Key meeting...truthfully I hadn't expected anyone because I hadn't initiated at all. But it turned out to be four of us. Conversation was deep, real, and God centered. Yay!
I went straight from Key to western Tokyo for the "Sixth Month Checkup" of Global Day of Prayer. We decided once a year wasn't enough. But I must say, this meeting was far more meaningful to me than the one last May.
Stan--the leader of a revival prayer group there--had a wonderful program he called "A Concert of Prayer". With each subject, we would pray as a solo (just on our own), a trio (with the people next to us), and then as a symphony (as the whole group). Every section was moved on by worship songs.
I knew I was "in for it" as soon as I was pulled in for the pre-prayer meeting prayer session and the Holy Spirit just dropped down. Stan was choked up. I could hardly manage words without trembling at who God was. A man I didn't know said that God was holy and the whole group was taken over with awed whispered praises at the holiness of our God. And this was the PRE prayer meeting prayer session.
We praised. We cried out for forgiveness. We stood before God on behalf of Japan, and dozens of other countries as their flags were projected on the screen--including some nation of approximately 7000 people that live off the coast of Newfoundland that Stan is particularly enamored with. ;-) We had five minutes of silence that was the most holy time of the whole evening for me. During the time of silence, I had this picture in my head. It was a father and a little girl. He would try to pick the girl up, but she would hit him on the head, and he would set her down, even though he wanted nothing more than to hold her. Stan called on Pastor Bill to pray after the silence, and he asked forgiveness because we had been holding God at arms length. It seemed very appropriate to me. I could say very little after we were done praying except for, "That was so wonderful and lovely!"
Oh, I should also add, if one more person tells me they are starting a house of prayer anytime soon, I'm not sure what I'll do. One of my Assemblies friends was called to start one a few weeks ago, and is moving into a house / student ministry center to do so sometime this month. As I was walking to the prayer meeting tonight, I heard someone behind me say "Pamela." I turned around, and there was a Brazilian pastor I tried to connect with last May. We had a good talk, obviously both on prayer pages, but didn't really find a connection point. I was surprised he remembered my name. Tonight, as we walked to the meeting, he told me how they really were working to get a continuous prayer ministry (hopefully eventually 24/7) going, and he hoped I would be on board. I have to admit, when I asked God for a 24/7 prayer house in Tokyo back in January, I really didn't expect I was part of this larger vision...and I certainly didn't expect to be told by two separate people in a month less than a year later that it really might happen very, very soon. Pray big, my friends!
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