Christianity Today has been going much better recently. My dad gave me maybe the best advice for teaching Isaiah ever. I was feeling so frustrated about how hard it was to help them understand the concepts I find so beautiful, and he pointed out that that is right in Isaiah's calling. God told Isaiah, "Go and tell this people: 'Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.'" (Isaiah 6:9). While I still really hope my students will someday understand, it is comforting to know that it is Biblical for God to call people to give messages that are not understood by the listeners.
We started a unit on what God thinks about idolatry last Friday and it overflowed into this week. And I was amazed, because people got it. They came up with lots of their own examples...we discussed how things like nature are good, but not God. How both poor and rich people can make a god out of money if they think it can save them. How Christians and non-Christians a like may be guilty of idolatry, and how the idols may be statues or invisible things that happen in our minds.
We read Isaiah 44 to go along with it, which is wonderful because it has no mercy on idolaters but is sandwiched by promises of God's love, capability, and worthiness. The judgment is surrounded by the heart cry of a God who wants so, so much to be the One His people depend on. Who is the only One His people *can* depend on.
At the end of class I asked them what they could see about who God was from this passage, and they came up with such a wonderful list. God is the One and Only. God is savior. God is calling out to His people.
I looked out at them, and saw that some of them looked like they had just been run over. One woman in particular, who when I ask them to tell me about who God is will often give answers like, "the sun". How do you explain the idea of conviction in easy English? I knew I had to wrap it all up for them...it was time to not beat around the bush.
"Some of you might be feeling pretty bad right now..." At times I can tell people about God with ease and cheerfulness. This time I had good news for them, but my breathing felt restricted and it was work to get each word out. Sometimes talking is spiritual warfare. But word by word I got out the message that God was beckoning to them...that He didn't let us feel bad just for the sake of seeing miserable people but that He convicts us because He wants us to come home to Him.
I don't know if they got it or not...maybe not yet...but it's the message I feel like I could tell the Japanese people as many times as they let me open my mouth. How the Father loves you, Japan.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Surprises are new all the time
Tonight after coffee hour, one of my old students was hanging around a lot. It surprised me, because she is a doctor and usually quite busy. We have wonderful conversations in class, and then she flies out of the building to return to work. She didn't approach me--other people were around talking to me--but when I left the building she was hanging out on the corner talking to Aaron.
I should back up and say this is a student I've been a little worried about. She was one of my most loyal students, always announcing to classes at the beginning of the term that she had come originally to learn English but how she came now because the discussions were so good and she liked to see me. She has had kind of a long courtship with Christianity as well...one that started in college and is still continuing. She told me sadly one class that she wished she could believe it was true, but she just couldn't believe. This started a letter exchange of two letters, and we spoke pretty personally. Then, this term, she didn't register for class. Another student told me she was very busy, and would only have time to come on Fridays, and as it turned out she only came to Coffee Hour, not Christianity Today. I was worried I had pushed her too far...even though I have yet to push someone too far for real even once I still worry about this quite a bit.
So, she was hanging out outside waiting, she joined me and the girl I was walking with, announced that she had forgotten her bicycle, and also that she had something to tell me, though she could write it down...
I walked back with her, and the following conversation occurred:
N.: I have to tell you something, but it's personal.
Pamela: (gearing up for N. to give me extremely personal news) What's up?
N.: Well...actually...I got married.
Pamela: !!!!! When? To who?
N.: To a man, of course!
Pamela: No, no, no...I mean, I know to a man, but...who?!
N.: Oh, I've known him for maybe 20 years. And there's one more thing...we adopted a baby a few months ago.
I'm so glad she finally decided to tell me...I understand a little bit why she is in a dilemma about telling people, though. Adoption is not at all common in Japan. She says she will have to decide whether or not to tell her friends, though she told me she will certainly tell her daughter. Also, since she is still a busy doctor, her husband has become a stay-at-home dad, the first I have heard of in this country. I hope I still have the chance to stay in touch with her!
I should back up and say this is a student I've been a little worried about. She was one of my most loyal students, always announcing to classes at the beginning of the term that she had come originally to learn English but how she came now because the discussions were so good and she liked to see me. She has had kind of a long courtship with Christianity as well...one that started in college and is still continuing. She told me sadly one class that she wished she could believe it was true, but she just couldn't believe. This started a letter exchange of two letters, and we spoke pretty personally. Then, this term, she didn't register for class. Another student told me she was very busy, and would only have time to come on Fridays, and as it turned out she only came to Coffee Hour, not Christianity Today. I was worried I had pushed her too far...even though I have yet to push someone too far for real even once I still worry about this quite a bit.
So, she was hanging out outside waiting, she joined me and the girl I was walking with, announced that she had forgotten her bicycle, and also that she had something to tell me, though she could write it down...
I walked back with her, and the following conversation occurred:
N.: I have to tell you something, but it's personal.
Pamela: (gearing up for N. to give me extremely personal news) What's up?
N.: Well...actually...I got married.
Pamela: !!!!! When? To who?
N.: To a man, of course!
Pamela: No, no, no...I mean, I know to a man, but...who?!
N.: Oh, I've known him for maybe 20 years. And there's one more thing...we adopted a baby a few months ago.
I'm so glad she finally decided to tell me...I understand a little bit why she is in a dilemma about telling people, though. Adoption is not at all common in Japan. She says she will have to decide whether or not to tell her friends, though she told me she will certainly tell her daughter. Also, since she is still a busy doctor, her husband has become a stay-at-home dad, the first I have heard of in this country. I hope I still have the chance to stay in touch with her!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tired Days
It never ceases to amaze me how my predictions about "tired days" are often completely wrong nowadays. In college, it seemed like multiple nights of six hours of sleep would result in feeling sick almost immediately. I really couldn't function without sleep, and I fought for it bravely.
Today I am going on seven hours of sleep from the past two nights combined...about two hours last night and five the night before. I dropped friends off at the train station this morning, and I'd been saying to them how I thought this would be one of the days when I would be trying to lead my classes in conversations about their weeks, and my brain would be completely gone...or at least out on a prayer mission rather than listening.
It's interesting for me to walk into my classes feeling like there is nothing in my head. And there's something very peaceful about walking in telling God, "This one's all on You...really."
This morning I found it easier to focus on my students than it has been in possibly two or three weeks. They had wonderful questions during Bible study, and I felt the discussion was great. I found myself with social energy abounding to go into the kitchen and help them clean up afterwards, where the two women told me about some of their confusions about the Holy Spirit and told me they were really looking forward to understanding better. There was a chance to share the Gospel with them in a more personal way than in the whole class.
I'm not saying going without sleep is a magic recipe for God moving...but relying on Him for real is...well, real. There is a strength that is not from inside of me, not from how much sleep I get, not from how much alone time I've had or from how many chances I've had to connect with another person deeply...these are all things that fill me. But there is a kind of strength that surpasses all of those and makes no rational sense to me at all.
Today I am going on seven hours of sleep from the past two nights combined...about two hours last night and five the night before. I dropped friends off at the train station this morning, and I'd been saying to them how I thought this would be one of the days when I would be trying to lead my classes in conversations about their weeks, and my brain would be completely gone...or at least out on a prayer mission rather than listening.
It's interesting for me to walk into my classes feeling like there is nothing in my head. And there's something very peaceful about walking in telling God, "This one's all on You...really."
This morning I found it easier to focus on my students than it has been in possibly two or three weeks. They had wonderful questions during Bible study, and I felt the discussion was great. I found myself with social energy abounding to go into the kitchen and help them clean up afterwards, where the two women told me about some of their confusions about the Holy Spirit and told me they were really looking forward to understanding better. There was a chance to share the Gospel with them in a more personal way than in the whole class.
I'm not saying going without sleep is a magic recipe for God moving...but relying on Him for real is...well, real. There is a strength that is not from inside of me, not from how much sleep I get, not from how much alone time I've had or from how many chances I've had to connect with another person deeply...these are all things that fill me. But there is a kind of strength that surpasses all of those and makes no rational sense to me at all.
Friday, October 24, 2008
On being a Pray-er
Something that tends to stick out to other people about me is that I seem to like to pray a lot. To be honest, this mystified me for awhile. Completely, totally mystified me. Prayer itself never felt like it was my focus...I prayed because I wanted to see God. My whole life I had never really thought prayer worked. I mean...I liked talking to God. But it wasn't until just before I came to Japan and the crash course in prayer that ensued the next six months that I really knew God answered prayer. And to me this is two plus two...that if God answers prayer, then we must pray.
It was jarring and shocking for awhile to learn that my two plus two didn't look like simple addition to other people. In my mind when I told them about prayer, I was saying, "2+2=4", but what they heard seemed to involve a combination of differential equations, ancient Greek, and neurobiology.
A few months ago God kind of pushed me on this issue. And I accepted that, no matter what I WANTED to be true, God calls some people to a kind of praying that is different. It is costly. It will take time. Steal opportunities. Limit relationships. Be a wasted life from the viewpoint of the world. It is the one place in ministry where really NO credit can be given to the person involved, because when prayer is answered, you praise God, not the pray-er. And besides, ANYONE can pray.
Of course, the reward is out of this world. There is nothing sweeter than watching something happen and sharing that secret smile with the creator of the all...knowing that we discussed it happening a couple months ago, and now He has really brought it about.
This has been a long introduction, but the point is that this whole prayer calling thing has come up once again. Last night this was a smaller part of a much larger conversation:
A: Have you heard of the Anna anointing?
Me: Well...I know who Anna is an I know what an anointing is...but no, not really.
A: Well, that is you, my dear. And I would love to tell you about it before I go home for Christmas.
I have to admit, I was a little concerned. Anna is the woman who greeted the baby Jesus who had been praying and fasting in the temple for upwards of sixty years. The idea of being "cloistered" frightens me a lot. I want to pour out my heart in prayer...I want to do it over and over and over again...but I do not want to be stuck in a room. I want to be on the streets. I want to meet people who don't know who Jesus is and share about him. I want to meet people living in cardboard boxes and people losing heart in their battles with cancer and people who have given up hope...I want to take the fire that has been given to me and pass it out to them until they feel joy bubbling up in them. I want to stand holding a bright light that shows them the way to the source of life. I want to watch when God touches them and their whole lives get flipped upside down by Him.
Anyway, A. passed me Mike Bickel's teaching on the Anna anointing, and I got to listen to it this evening. IHOP (not pancakes...the International House of Prayer) talks about "Annas" as people having "the grace to spend long hours in prayer with fasting and to sustain it for many years. "Annas" are men or women, old and young, whose primary ministry is fasting and prayer aimed at changing the spiritual atmosphere of a city or nation. This is not their only ministry, as Anna did the work of an evangelist and was a prophetess; she is recorded as the first evangelist in the New Testament as well."
Mike Bickel talks about himself as having this anointing, and when he describes his work, he says he is in the prayer room about 40 hours a week, and does teaching, pastoring, etc. type ministry stuff for about 20 hours a week outside of that. I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful I would find that kind of schedule. It always amazes me when I have vacations in Japan that I finally feel like I am able to do what I am called to do. When I am at the student center 40 some hours a week it always seems impossible. In the past, I've only really felt free when my workload was 20 hours a week or less. And I don't mean free to run around doing whatever...I mean free to exist in general. Anything more than 20 hours and I can't keep up with myself.
But one thing really, really struck me from the CD, and it wasn't about who I am, but about the way that the church needs to respond to pray-ers. He praised the Catholic church as having made a home for Annas and Marys (Anna is focused on intercession and Mary is focused on worship) throughout the centuries. But this "home" has been mostly missing from Protestant churches. He told us that we could not do it from an isolated place...which is my tendency a lot these days, I have to say. Sometimes the battle to not be isolated feels not even remotely worth it. And he talked about the need for leaders who would not only be excited about the pray-ers, but push them to go all the way.
I was challenged by that...there are needs that I have as a person called to intercession first, other ministry second, that I rarely communicate. Or if I try to communicate them, it turns into one of those "2+2=4" is now super complicated math situations. But I have real needs...a need for a corporate worship place where it is safe to pray however the Lord calls me to, whether intercessing, worshiping, or waiting on Him silently...people who are willing to drop everything and pray with me if needed...occasionally, I actually need to be let off the hook of other obligations so that I can pray (I still always feel guilty about this one)...and I have a real need for people to encourage me and remind me that I can go further than I have gone so far.
Anyway, I don't know if there's a real point to this entry...just rambling, I guess. And processing.
It was jarring and shocking for awhile to learn that my two plus two didn't look like simple addition to other people. In my mind when I told them about prayer, I was saying, "2+2=4", but what they heard seemed to involve a combination of differential equations, ancient Greek, and neurobiology.
A few months ago God kind of pushed me on this issue. And I accepted that, no matter what I WANTED to be true, God calls some people to a kind of praying that is different. It is costly. It will take time. Steal opportunities. Limit relationships. Be a wasted life from the viewpoint of the world. It is the one place in ministry where really NO credit can be given to the person involved, because when prayer is answered, you praise God, not the pray-er. And besides, ANYONE can pray.
Of course, the reward is out of this world. There is nothing sweeter than watching something happen and sharing that secret smile with the creator of the all...knowing that we discussed it happening a couple months ago, and now He has really brought it about.
This has been a long introduction, but the point is that this whole prayer calling thing has come up once again. Last night this was a smaller part of a much larger conversation:
A: Have you heard of the Anna anointing?
Me: Well...I know who Anna is an I know what an anointing is...but no, not really.
A: Well, that is you, my dear. And I would love to tell you about it before I go home for Christmas.
I have to admit, I was a little concerned. Anna is the woman who greeted the baby Jesus who had been praying and fasting in the temple for upwards of sixty years. The idea of being "cloistered" frightens me a lot. I want to pour out my heart in prayer...I want to do it over and over and over again...but I do not want to be stuck in a room. I want to be on the streets. I want to meet people who don't know who Jesus is and share about him. I want to meet people living in cardboard boxes and people losing heart in their battles with cancer and people who have given up hope...I want to take the fire that has been given to me and pass it out to them until they feel joy bubbling up in them. I want to stand holding a bright light that shows them the way to the source of life. I want to watch when God touches them and their whole lives get flipped upside down by Him.
Anyway, A. passed me Mike Bickel's teaching on the Anna anointing, and I got to listen to it this evening. IHOP (not pancakes...the International House of Prayer) talks about "Annas" as people having "the grace to spend long hours in prayer with fasting and to sustain it for many years. "Annas" are men or women, old and young, whose primary ministry is fasting and prayer aimed at changing the spiritual atmosphere of a city or nation. This is not their only ministry, as Anna did the work of an evangelist and was a prophetess; she is recorded as the first evangelist in the New Testament as well."
Mike Bickel talks about himself as having this anointing, and when he describes his work, he says he is in the prayer room about 40 hours a week, and does teaching, pastoring, etc. type ministry stuff for about 20 hours a week outside of that. I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful I would find that kind of schedule. It always amazes me when I have vacations in Japan that I finally feel like I am able to do what I am called to do. When I am at the student center 40 some hours a week it always seems impossible. In the past, I've only really felt free when my workload was 20 hours a week or less. And I don't mean free to run around doing whatever...I mean free to exist in general. Anything more than 20 hours and I can't keep up with myself.
But one thing really, really struck me from the CD, and it wasn't about who I am, but about the way that the church needs to respond to pray-ers. He praised the Catholic church as having made a home for Annas and Marys (Anna is focused on intercession and Mary is focused on worship) throughout the centuries. But this "home" has been mostly missing from Protestant churches. He told us that we could not do it from an isolated place...which is my tendency a lot these days, I have to say. Sometimes the battle to not be isolated feels not even remotely worth it. And he talked about the need for leaders who would not only be excited about the pray-ers, but push them to go all the way.
I was challenged by that...there are needs that I have as a person called to intercession first, other ministry second, that I rarely communicate. Or if I try to communicate them, it turns into one of those "2+2=4" is now super complicated math situations. But I have real needs...a need for a corporate worship place where it is safe to pray however the Lord calls me to, whether intercessing, worshiping, or waiting on Him silently...people who are willing to drop everything and pray with me if needed...occasionally, I actually need to be let off the hook of other obligations so that I can pray (I still always feel guilty about this one)...and I have a real need for people to encourage me and remind me that I can go further than I have gone so far.
Anyway, I don't know if there's a real point to this entry...just rambling, I guess. And processing.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Passion Tokyo
Monday after the retreat we Shinkansened back to Tokyo and went immediately to Shibuya for the Passion Conference. Charity, Ken and I shoved our backpacks in coin lockers and had about two hours of craziness after that. I won't blog the whole story here, but it is an epic tale of bravery, missing tickets, missing people, dying cell phones, oversleeping people, and lots of running around. Needless to say, by the time the conference was fifteen minutes in, all 17 of us missionaries and Japanese friends were finally all assembled with seats and tickets.
We were still missing one person the first fifteen minutes of the concert, and he was the one person out of the whole group that I had a strong conviction needed to be there. When we arrived in the hall, there was a sign saying that all saved seats needed to be released. I draped his ticket over the seat. In the meantime, attendants began asking about saved seats just in front of us. They would have people scoot into them and bring in people from outside. I began praying rather frantically, "God...please blind their eyes to our seat" over and over again. I sprinted down with his ticket and let him in fifteen minutes later. And then I could finally worship.
Never before in Tokyo have I praised God along with 2000 people. Not that numbers are so impressive in and of themselves, but on the other hand...2000 people were praising God in Tokyo! The conference lasted about 3 hours, and here are the highlights from my perspective:
-Chris Tomlin sang "How Great is Our God" and he did part of the song translated into Japanese. I can't put into words how meaningful that is to me...hearing people (even American people) really praise God in Japanese has got to be one of the most beautiful sounds in the whole world.
-The Passion Conference is traveling around the world, and each city prays for the city that t
he conference will go to next. It so happens that the city before Tokyo was Seoul, Korea. Apparently some of the older Koreans thought it might be a problem to ask the Korean crowd to pray for Tokyo, but, as the speaker said, "Luckily, the auditorium was full of young people." He told us, "Just in case you weren't sure the Koreans wanted to pray for you, we got their answer on video." On the screen came up the video of 20,000 or something Koreans, he asked them if they would be praying for Tokyo, and they errupted in cheering. The video swept across the front row, and there was one girl who was obviously speaking right to the c
amera, reaching out to it and mouthing (or possibly shouting with all the noise) that she was praying, that she loved us. Then, the speaker told us that these signs had started popping up in the Korean crowd, and he had brought them to share with us tonight. Those are the pictures in this entry. I got teary eyed at other parts of the conference, but at this part I could not stop outright crying. If you don't know the history between Korea and Japan, it is not pretty, and it was so moving to see the love that they had.
-Dancing! Yay worship dancing!
-The reactions of the young Japanese guys we had with us. They said:
We were still missing one person the first fifteen minutes of the concert, and he was the one person out of the whole group that I had a strong conviction needed to be there. When we arrived in the hall, there was a sign saying that all saved seats needed to be released. I draped his ticket over the seat. In the meantime, attendants began asking about saved seats just in front of us. They would have people scoot into them and bring in people from outside. I began praying rather frantically, "God...please blind their eyes to our seat" over and over again. I sprinted down with his ticket and let him in fifteen minutes later. And then I could finally worship.
Never before in Tokyo have I praised God along with 2000 people. Not that numbers are so impressive in and of themselves, but on the other hand...2000 people were praising God in Tokyo! The conference lasted about 3 hours, and here are the highlights from my perspective:
-Chris Tomlin sang "How Great is Our God" and he did part of the song translated into Japanese. I can't put into words how meaningful that is to me...hearing people (even American people) really praise God in Japanese has got to be one of the most beautiful sounds in the whole world.
-The Passion Conference is traveling around the world, and each city prays for the city that t
he conference will go to next. It so happens that the city before Tokyo was Seoul, Korea. Apparently some of the older Koreans thought it might be a problem to ask the Korean crowd to pray for Tokyo, but, as the speaker said, "Luckily, the auditorium was full of young people." He told us, "Just in case you weren't sure the Koreans wanted to pray for you, we got their answer on video." On the screen came up the video of 20,000 or something Koreans, he asked them if they would be praying for Tokyo, and they errupted in cheering. The video swept across the front row, and there was one girl who was obviously speaking right to the c
amera, reaching out to it and mouthing (or possibly shouting with all the noise) that she was praying, that she loved us. Then, the speaker told us that these signs had started popping up in the Korean crowd, and he had brought them to share with us tonight. Those are the pictures in this entry. I got teary eyed at other parts of the conference, but at this part I could not stop outright crying. If you don't know the history between Korea and Japan, it is not pretty, and it was so moving to see the love that they had.-Dancing! Yay worship dancing!
-The reactions of the young Japanese guys we had with us. They said:
- "The conference brought a huge earthquake in me. Singing with all the people in the hall, praying together,and listening to Louie's talk, the joy to worshiping the Lord and feeling His grace arose in me, which is the sense I had lost for a long time more than a year! And I have never been such proud that Tokyo is my home town! I used to dream to evacuate from this suffocating place. I used to spend time thinking over a "exit from Tokyo" plan. But what I witnessed yesterday was that Chris Tomlin was praying for Tokyo, people in the hall were praying forTokyo,and you guys were praying for Tokyo. I remember that one of my friend tolds me on the very last day at Illinois 2 years ago, that he was envious about my going to a mission field of vast expanse. Now I fully understand what he meant."
- "I love Jesus more and more!"
- "I didn't know Christians could be exciting." (hee hee...I think he meant "excited", but I kind of like it this way. ;-) )
Grape Vines and Japanese Youth
This is the first of maybe three blogs that I want to write...we'll see how many entries I actually get through. ;-)
Last weekend was a three day weekend for Japan, Monday being "Sports Day". I hit a Shinkansen Saturday morning and arrived in Gifu Prefecture a few hours later for the All Japan Lutheran Youth Retreat. When I am at my church, I sometimes forget that I can't really speak Japanese, because the people who know me have gotten very good at speaking to me. But when I became the only American in a group of 50, I very quickly knew my lack. But the weekend was a good time of connection nonetheless.
We met at a monastery, complete with vineyards. I've never seen a vineyard up close before, and laughed because I had tried to draw one on the white board only the day before when we were talking about Jesus saying 'I am the vine, you are the branches'...the picture had failed miserably and I had to turn the drawing into a tree instead. But after seeing real grape vines, I realized they really do look kinda like a tree...but that's neither here nor there.
The weekend was a really nice blend of relational time and God connection time. We spent the entire first day building people connections with each other...including icebreakers, which is always amusing when you don't really understand the instructions...I would hear, "blah blah blah stop blah blah two or three blah blah blah introduction" they would say "go", and suddenly all were moving around shaking hands. They shouted out a number, and we all had to get into groups of that many people. When I've played this game before, anyone who couldn't get into a group was eliminated...but this is the land of cooperation, and we had a minor miracle in that when they shouted 3, 5, 7 and 8 we were able to form perfect groups every time. We are all still trying to figure out how that worked.
Saturday night I was so tired from complete immersion that I went to bed at 9:45. Or tried to. People kept coming and checking on me and tried to lure me downstairs by telling me about all the snacks they had...but there is a point where there can be no more Japanese.
Luckily, my Japanese brain had turned on by Sunday morning. I love it when that works. So, I started the morning with a couple really nice conversations. As long as we're talking one-to-one, Japanese really is okay. We joined the Catholics at the Monastery for mass, and it was a really beautiful liturgy. I found myself reflecting during the service how, even though my heart is much more freedom, hands in the air, spontaneous celebration, there is a kind of deep holiness in Catholic masses that I really love. I think Catholic churches and monasteries really are one of the secret pillars holding the whole world up. At least, that's what was going through my mind while I was there.
For lunch on Sunday we made "Rinjin Origiri" or "Neighbor Rice Balls". Basically, we were randomly assigned a partner and supposed to find out their rice ball preferences and then prepare lunch for them. I had made rice balls a grand total of one time before, so I was feeling some pity for my partner, but it turned out he was a young guy who seemed to have about the same amount of experience. We both presented each other with somewhat less than perfectly shaped rice balls and got some smiling and laughing out of the whole experience.
We also got to hand make paper on Sunday, which was really, really fun!
Sunday afternoon we took our discussion about connections a step deeper and got in small groups to look back at our relationship with God and discuss that connection. I had a great small group, but the subject matter was still pretty above my Japanese level. I really couldn't understand the other members, but could tell we were having a really incredible, deep discussion. :-) They had trouble understanding me. But with a little help, some English, and some Japanese I finally communicated a little. We were able to communicate just enough to look at each other longingly...wishing there wasn't this huge language barier in between us and the questions we wanted to ask each other.
Charity arrived Sunday afternoon, and I have never been so glad to see another American in my life. I realized that, even if the two of us are split up way across the room from each other, the ability to pass each other after an event is over and say, "Did you understand any of that?! A little...yeah...I didn't get it either...this Japanese stuff is so tiring!" gave me the energy to really keep at making the effort. Also, there was a girl who had been looking really sad who was always by herself, and being able to tag team with Charity we finally pulled her into the group a little more. Charity is so good at helping people open up!
Monday morning we got to pray for each other in small groups! It was lovely.
Charity, Ken and I headed back home early from the retreat, and I found myself wishing we could have stayed at least two more days. But perhaps we'll see each other around again. :-)
Last weekend was a three day weekend for Japan, Monday being "Sports Day". I hit a Shinkansen Saturday morning and arrived in Gifu Prefecture a few hours later for the All Japan Lutheran Youth Retreat. When I am at my church, I sometimes forget that I can't really speak Japanese, because the people who know me have gotten very good at speaking to me. But when I became the only American in a group of 50, I very quickly knew my lack. But the weekend was a good time of connection nonetheless.
We met at a monastery, complete with vineyards. I've never seen a vineyard up close before, and laughed because I had tried to draw one on the white board only the day before when we were talking about Jesus saying 'I am the vine, you are the branches'...the picture had failed miserably and I had to turn the drawing into a tree instead. But after seeing real grape vines, I realized they really do look kinda like a tree...but that's neither here nor there.
The weekend was a really nice blend of relational time and God connection time. We spent the entire first day building people connections with each other...including icebreakers, which is always amusing when you don't really understand the instructions...I would hear, "blah blah blah stop blah blah two or three blah blah blah introduction" they would say "go", and suddenly all were moving around shaking hands. They shouted out a number, and we all had to get into groups of that many people. When I've played this game before, anyone who couldn't get into a group was eliminated...but this is the land of cooperation, and we had a minor miracle in that when they shouted 3, 5, 7 and 8 we were able to form perfect groups every time. We are all still trying to figure out how that worked.
Saturday night I was so tired from complete immersion that I went to bed at 9:45. Or tried to. People kept coming and checking on me and tried to lure me downstairs by telling me about all the snacks they had...but there is a point where there can be no more Japanese.
Luckily, my Japanese brain had turned on by Sunday morning. I love it when that works. So, I started the morning with a couple really nice conversations. As long as we're talking one-to-one, Japanese really is okay. We joined the Catholics at the Monastery for mass, and it was a really beautiful liturgy. I found myself reflecting during the service how, even though my heart is much more freedom, hands in the air, spontaneous celebration, there is a kind of deep holiness in Catholic masses that I really love. I think Catholic churches and monasteries really are one of the secret pillars holding the whole world up. At least, that's what was going through my mind while I was there.
For lunch on Sunday we made "Rinjin Origiri" or "Neighbor Rice Balls". Basically, we were randomly assigned a partner and supposed to find out their rice ball preferences and then prepare lunch for them. I had made rice balls a grand total of one time before, so I was feeling some pity for my partner, but it turned out he was a young guy who seemed to have about the same amount of experience. We both presented each other with somewhat less than perfectly shaped rice balls and got some smiling and laughing out of the whole experience.
We also got to hand make paper on Sunday, which was really, really fun!
Sunday afternoon we took our discussion about connections a step deeper and got in small groups to look back at our relationship with God and discuss that connection. I had a great small group, but the subject matter was still pretty above my Japanese level. I really couldn't understand the other members, but could tell we were having a really incredible, deep discussion. :-) They had trouble understanding me. But with a little help, some English, and some Japanese I finally communicated a little. We were able to communicate just enough to look at each other longingly...wishing there wasn't this huge language barier in between us and the questions we wanted to ask each other.
Charity arrived Sunday afternoon, and I have never been so glad to see another American in my life. I realized that, even if the two of us are split up way across the room from each other, the ability to pass each other after an event is over and say, "Did you understand any of that?! A little...yeah...I didn't get it either...this Japanese stuff is so tiring!" gave me the energy to really keep at making the effort. Also, there was a girl who had been looking really sad who was always by herself, and being able to tag team with Charity we finally pulled her into the group a little more. Charity is so good at helping people open up!
Monday morning we got to pray for each other in small groups! It was lovely.
Charity, Ken and I headed back home early from the retreat, and I found myself wishing we could have stayed at least two more days. But perhaps we'll see each other around again. :-)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
In other news...
I registered a while ago to take a very hard Japanese test. But, my plan has backfired a little. In the beginning, I hoped that everyone would realize how impossible it was for me to pass it and that they would all tell me so. I function *extremely* well when everyone tells me my efforts are pointless because my task is impossible. Sometimes I think only impossible things are worth doing...I'm not sure what that says about me.
But the opposite has been happening! And this is Japanese culture for you...I explain to them that I have to learn 700 kanji in three months (to say nothing of studying grammar), and they become very encouraging. It is the most bizarre thing in the world...they should be saying, "Pamela, you stupid idiot, why are you wasting your time studying 700 kanji?!"
Instead, I find that they are suddenly helpful about my Japanese studying. People who used to look cross-eyed and exhausted the moment I say, "I have a Japanese question..." are suddenly asking me how the studying is going, looking at my flashcards over my shoulder, marveling at the words I am using and giving me examples of them without me even needing to ask.
Etsuko has begun praying that I will understand the test. Now, normally I am in favor of praying, but I keep telling her, "It's no use! Don't trouble God with whether I pass this test or not!"
Aaron, who understands a little at least, will then chime in, "I don't know...you might need prayers to at least understand the instructions!" :-)
But Etsuko continues her praying. The other day she told me she'd been praying about it just that morning and then wondered to herself, "Why, I wonder?" I wonder too. And I realize that somewhere inside of me, something feels like God helping me on a test is cheating. And I would struggle a lot to praise God if I passed the test, miracle though it would be. (I took a shortened form of it to practice...I think I got a whopping 15% on the reading section, and most of the questions I answered correctly were luck). All in all, I would be hesitant to praise...fearful that I might encourage the relationship with God that so many have of "Dear God, please let me pass this test, amen."
God's help or not, passing the test in general would feel dishonest to me...I'm good at test taking, but this test is a high enough level to potentially help me get a non-English teaching job in Japan if I passed it, and anyone who has seen me trying to communicate with my pastor knows my Japanese is not at that level.
But it's interesting to me how my Japanese language striving has suddenly been made culturally legitimate because I am taking a test. And it's fascinating to me that even people like my Japanese teacher, who knows just how crazy this endeavor of mine is, will only go so far as to give me a book to practice out of and say, "Please tell me if you don't understand anything...though I think there will be many places."
Still, I am learning lots of kanji. Not nearly as many as are necessary (I'd have to learn 70 a week), but I'm learning to read for real now! I like knowing how to read.
But the opposite has been happening! And this is Japanese culture for you...I explain to them that I have to learn 700 kanji in three months (to say nothing of studying grammar), and they become very encouraging. It is the most bizarre thing in the world...they should be saying, "Pamela, you stupid idiot, why are you wasting your time studying 700 kanji?!"
Instead, I find that they are suddenly helpful about my Japanese studying. People who used to look cross-eyed and exhausted the moment I say, "I have a Japanese question..." are suddenly asking me how the studying is going, looking at my flashcards over my shoulder, marveling at the words I am using and giving me examples of them without me even needing to ask.
Etsuko has begun praying that I will understand the test. Now, normally I am in favor of praying, but I keep telling her, "It's no use! Don't trouble God with whether I pass this test or not!"
Aaron, who understands a little at least, will then chime in, "I don't know...you might need prayers to at least understand the instructions!" :-)
But Etsuko continues her praying. The other day she told me she'd been praying about it just that morning and then wondered to herself, "Why, I wonder?" I wonder too. And I realize that somewhere inside of me, something feels like God helping me on a test is cheating. And I would struggle a lot to praise God if I passed the test, miracle though it would be. (I took a shortened form of it to practice...I think I got a whopping 15% on the reading section, and most of the questions I answered correctly were luck). All in all, I would be hesitant to praise...fearful that I might encourage the relationship with God that so many have of "Dear God, please let me pass this test, amen."
God's help or not, passing the test in general would feel dishonest to me...I'm good at test taking, but this test is a high enough level to potentially help me get a non-English teaching job in Japan if I passed it, and anyone who has seen me trying to communicate with my pastor knows my Japanese is not at that level.
But it's interesting to me how my Japanese language striving has suddenly been made culturally legitimate because I am taking a test. And it's fascinating to me that even people like my Japanese teacher, who knows just how crazy this endeavor of mine is, will only go so far as to give me a book to practice out of and say, "Please tell me if you don't understand anything...though I think there will be many places."
Still, I am learning lots of kanji. Not nearly as many as are necessary (I'd have to learn 70 a week), but I'm learning to read for real now! I like knowing how to read.
Why I Love my Job
Pamela: Do you have a Bible, H?
H: Eh? No...I don't have one.
P: Do you want one? We have these free little ones...
H: That's great! Now I will not need to steal one.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
In Which Pamela is Surprised
Today was English Book Club again. And it was good. Yay!
There is a man in that club who isn't a Christian and who has gotten into a lot of arguments with the other class members. I personally think he's rather good for the church members...he forces them to defend their faith. But often I've been frustrated when they end up arguing over a grammar point when it seems like the fact that he's talking about the particular grammar point is significant. At least, I've always felt like there was something different about him. Something more than just an argumentative white-haired man.
Today, he prepared a speech to give us in English because he felt bad for me and Paul since the group almost always speaks in Japanese.
He shared in the speech which parts of the book had been most impressive to him, and began the whole thing off by apologizing that he did "not believe in the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ." He also said he didn't understand it. He had been surprised that Brother Yun did not believe in politics but said that the Kingdom of God was separate. He had been shocked by Yun's statement that God had allowed the Chinese government to destroy the church so He could build it back up again His way. And he had been deeply impressed by Yun's pleading for God to receive his spirit while he was being tortured and the fact that Yun was able to rest in the fact that Jesus had sacrificed His life for him.
When he was done, I repeated to him how he had said he didn't understand the Gospel, and I asked if anyone had explained it to him before.
And this is where the surprise came in.
He kind of laughed, and said he had had a girlfriend something like 60 years ago who was a sincere Christian. (60 years seems way too long to me...maybe his numbers were off, but anyway). I asked him to explain the Gospel to me, and he said that Jesus' blood was the most important. He said that he understood the Gospel with his heart, but not with his head, and that if he understood it with his head, he would become a Christian.
He further said that he had happened to see that old girlfriend by chance two weeks ago, though he had been with his wife.
Apparently he fell out of love with her at the time when they attended church together.
Anyway...it's just one of those random stories. Though it was surprising at the time, writing it down here it strikes me how common the story really is. I've had students randomly tell me they have Christian parents months and months after I've known them. And it is amazing to me how many people really *have* heard something of the Gospel in a country where the "percentage" of Christians makes it seem like it would be unlikely. God keeps reaching. Even when our hair has turned white and we've been turning down His offers for more than half a century...He keeps reaching.
In other news, one of my non-Christian English students asked me today if I knew that Takaaki was becoming Christian. Apparently he's not holding back that information at all, which is awesome cause for celebration!
There is a man in that club who isn't a Christian and who has gotten into a lot of arguments with the other class members. I personally think he's rather good for the church members...he forces them to defend their faith. But often I've been frustrated when they end up arguing over a grammar point when it seems like the fact that he's talking about the particular grammar point is significant. At least, I've always felt like there was something different about him. Something more than just an argumentative white-haired man.
Today, he prepared a speech to give us in English because he felt bad for me and Paul since the group almost always speaks in Japanese.
He shared in the speech which parts of the book had been most impressive to him, and began the whole thing off by apologizing that he did "not believe in the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ." He also said he didn't understand it. He had been surprised that Brother Yun did not believe in politics but said that the Kingdom of God was separate. He had been shocked by Yun's statement that God had allowed the Chinese government to destroy the church so He could build it back up again His way. And he had been deeply impressed by Yun's pleading for God to receive his spirit while he was being tortured and the fact that Yun was able to rest in the fact that Jesus had sacrificed His life for him.
When he was done, I repeated to him how he had said he didn't understand the Gospel, and I asked if anyone had explained it to him before.
And this is where the surprise came in.
He kind of laughed, and said he had had a girlfriend something like 60 years ago who was a sincere Christian. (60 years seems way too long to me...maybe his numbers were off, but anyway). I asked him to explain the Gospel to me, and he said that Jesus' blood was the most important. He said that he understood the Gospel with his heart, but not with his head, and that if he understood it with his head, he would become a Christian.
He further said that he had happened to see that old girlfriend by chance two weeks ago, though he had been with his wife.
Apparently he fell out of love with her at the time when they attended church together.
Anyway...it's just one of those random stories. Though it was surprising at the time, writing it down here it strikes me how common the story really is. I've had students randomly tell me they have Christian parents months and months after I've known them. And it is amazing to me how many people really *have* heard something of the Gospel in a country where the "percentage" of Christians makes it seem like it would be unlikely. God keeps reaching. Even when our hair has turned white and we've been turning down His offers for more than half a century...He keeps reaching.
In other news, one of my non-Christian English students asked me today if I knew that Takaaki was becoming Christian. Apparently he's not holding back that information at all, which is awesome cause for celebration!
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