Go ahead, call me a nerd. :-)
In 1989, Sesame Street came up with this super quality t.v. special called "Big Bird in Japan". I was quite enamored with it. I'm pretty sure I watched it every morning when I was five years old. The day my dad accidentally recorded an orchestra concert over Big Bird in Japan was a particularly tense one in my family. I didn't watch it again for years until one of my college roommates bought me the dvd for Christmas one year. Shockingly, the quality of the story and singing had decreased dramatically over the years. I'm not quite sure how that happened. ;-)
Of course, now when I think about Big Bird in Japan, my brain comes up with obnoxious thoughts like, "Random Japanese people coming up to Big Bird on the street and saying "ohayo"?! Not only would they not greet a stranger, they would never use casual form when they first met him!!!"
Anyway...a few nights ago I was out on a walk, determined to have good quality communication with God about this whole transition thing that is coming up. This as opposed to pretending we don't need to talk about all that. I was sitting out by my ponds. Ueno's skyscrapers and a near full moon were reflecting off the water, and I found myself thinking about Big Bird in Japan. The movie adopts an old Japanese folktale about Kaguya Hime, a princess sent to earth from the moon for a short period of time. At the end of the story, Kaguya Hime has to return to the moon.
There is a song in the movie where she is singing to the moon, and I don't know that I'd ever thought of the lyrics before. But I dug up the song on YouTube and listened and found that the whole song was this sad transition song. A goodbye song. A journey into uncertainty. In the song, she says to the moon, "I don't know what's coming. What do you see? Moon, moon, what's in store for you and for me?" and later, "Moon, moon I don't know the future. What can you say?" I can't figure out all the words in the chorus, but here's what I can get, "Sometimes the darkness holds something bright. Sometimes the sadness turns into morning, sweet [something that rhymes with bright]. I feel so alone, but I have to go home tonight."
I watched the Big Bird in Japan clips with this kind of eerie recognition. There is a play of the folktale inside the movie, and at the end the princess is waving goodbye to Japan. And the narration says, "...and almost as she spoke, the procession from the moon appeared to escort the tearful princess back to the palace of the moon. But her old mother and father always believed that one day another golden light would appear in a bamboo stump in the forest to signal that Kaguya Hime had come back to them on earth. And who knows? One day, perhaps Kaguya Hime will return."
Me in my transition ridden state watched that with a reaction somewhere along the lines of, "WHAT?! **PERHAPS** she will return?! What kind of children's show is this being all bittersweet and sad like that?! The happy ending should be, "And Kaguya Hime told the messengers of the moon that she had come to belong in Japan, and they said, "Very well. We'll send you back to Japan very soon." ;-)
I read on good ol' Wikipedia that in the original story of Kaguya Hime, when the messengers come from the moon come to take her back, they slip a robe of some kind onto her shoulders, and as soon as she is wearing it she forgets Japan.
And this is the real uncertainty in going home this coming March. What will Japan look like from American soil? What will the vision look like with new visions, conveniently packaged in my own language, begin coming around me? What is "eternal" and what is fleeting? The only way to find out is to return, and risk that the robe dropping back onto my shoulders will erase the memory of Japan forever.
"Sometimes the darkness holds something bright." Something I treasure about transitions is that it is a good reminder of where our true stability comes from. So many things get built up as stability...friends, places, jobs, stuff...moving across an ocean with no plans for the future puts all of those in perspective. They are all flighty. Nothing can be trusted to stay the same except for Christ. But praise our unchanging God, the true rock! I'm really glad he appreciates it when I'm clingy.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
A Rant
Not that I should be allowed to write rants about evangelism...but this one's got to come out.
I saw an old friend today. Old in "Pamela's life in Japan" terms, which is to say, I've known her for about two years. She's one of the people I would qualify "a seeker" and we used to have a really close relationship. But recently, she dropped off my map. I hadn't seen her in seven months.
Tonight I learned part of the reason I hadn't seen her. I loaned her a Christian book a little more than a year ago, and she had only just worked up the guts to return it. She was worried about the conversation that would follow...something I hadn't expected since part of my early encounters with this friend was her being very excited when I offered to have dinner with her and discuss Christianity.
She has another close Christian friend, and in the course of our conversation I learned something disturbing. Her other friend had made the comment, "I can't really be friends with someone who isn't a Christian." The way my friend took this was to become afraid that if she told me she still wasn't sure about Christianity, she was going to lose my friendship. And so, we have hardly seen each other for about a year. And not at all in six months.
And this is what I have to say about that...is the Kingdom of God such a lie that we need to try to manipulate people into it? Is our God so unlovable that the only way to woe people into His arms is by threatening to remove our own friendship if they don't? Do we honestly expect such tactics to create true Christ followers? Are we running some sort of social club that we get to pick and choose who our love goes to?
The lost are treated as though they are our enemies. But they are not the enemy. They are lost. They are Christ's missing beloved.
I know that I'm really far from perfect. But I look at this situation and think that evangelism based in fear yields a lot of bad things. Maybe because the fear part isn't Gospel...it's the bad news. Are there things to be afraid of? Sure. The thought of a loved one spending eternity in hell actually scares me much less than it probably should. But the ultimate Truth is God. Whatever we see on the surface...whatever we guess is happening with our loved ones...He knows better. Love always hopes and always perseveres. Manipulation, on the other hand, gives the message that truth and love were not strong enough. Which doesn't sound much like the Kingdom of God to me.
I saw an old friend today. Old in "Pamela's life in Japan" terms, which is to say, I've known her for about two years. She's one of the people I would qualify "a seeker" and we used to have a really close relationship. But recently, she dropped off my map. I hadn't seen her in seven months.
Tonight I learned part of the reason I hadn't seen her. I loaned her a Christian book a little more than a year ago, and she had only just worked up the guts to return it. She was worried about the conversation that would follow...something I hadn't expected since part of my early encounters with this friend was her being very excited when I offered to have dinner with her and discuss Christianity.
She has another close Christian friend, and in the course of our conversation I learned something disturbing. Her other friend had made the comment, "I can't really be friends with someone who isn't a Christian." The way my friend took this was to become afraid that if she told me she still wasn't sure about Christianity, she was going to lose my friendship. And so, we have hardly seen each other for about a year. And not at all in six months.
And this is what I have to say about that...is the Kingdom of God such a lie that we need to try to manipulate people into it? Is our God so unlovable that the only way to woe people into His arms is by threatening to remove our own friendship if they don't? Do we honestly expect such tactics to create true Christ followers? Are we running some sort of social club that we get to pick and choose who our love goes to?
The lost are treated as though they are our enemies. But they are not the enemy. They are lost. They are Christ's missing beloved.
I know that I'm really far from perfect. But I look at this situation and think that evangelism based in fear yields a lot of bad things. Maybe because the fear part isn't Gospel...it's the bad news. Are there things to be afraid of? Sure. The thought of a loved one spending eternity in hell actually scares me much less than it probably should. But the ultimate Truth is God. Whatever we see on the surface...whatever we guess is happening with our loved ones...He knows better. Love always hopes and always perseveres. Manipulation, on the other hand, gives the message that truth and love were not strong enough. Which doesn't sound much like the Kingdom of God to me.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
It's that time of year...
Japanese people are gift givers. It can make holiday seasons rather interesting. Sometimes it feels like we are playing some kind of game. You lose points when you are given a gift and you get points by giving gifts. This is how I feel, anyway. I asked Aaron how many points I started with by being their English teacher and he just responded that God's grace is enough for him.
I am especially confused by my landlord. Who starts out with positive points? Is it me, because I pay him money to live there? Is it him, because he does things like rescue me with fancy drain cleaners that make my shower drain work again? I don't know. But he is constantly giving me vegetables, and once even a chocolate cake that was possibly the best cake I had ever eaten. Day before yesterday, he told me to wait when I was leaving my apartment, and then ran inside, returning moments later with a sweet potato the size of a small cat. A year ago I tried to gain some positive points with my landlord. I had baked pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving and I brought him some for him and his wife. Not five minutes after I had delivered the pie, he was upstairs at my door delivering sweets of his own.
One of my students has been supplying me with baked goods every week. She told me, "I want to support your Japanese test taking in this way." And I must admit...it was the greatest thing ever to return to Hongo Sunday night, the monster Japanese test out of the way, and find chocolate cake on my desk with a note saying, "To: Pamela. You must be tired! Have some "sweats". Fm: N." Only after she came back and asked me if she'd written down "sweets" or "sweats" did I realize she had written "sweats", but it makes the note ten times more precious. :-)
Today I received an email from a student that said, "C. and I are planning to give you a Christmas present today. She has taken care of it for 3 weeks." I kind of chuckled, wondering if I am about to receive a puppy. I'm not sure what it will be. But I am reflecting on how living in Japan has helped me a lot to receive gifts freely and thankfully. There are so many times that I get something that is *impossible* to reciprocate. And believe it or not, it is good for me. The "points" system kind of breaks down after awhile. It's no longer about "am I okay with my landlord?" It's more about...what does it mean to live thankfully and generously? This is what our relationship with God is too...He's already given us so much that the point system is broken. There is no way to "get enough points" to work our way back to equal. There is an incredible freedom in that...the "point system" being broken, what is left to do but give from the heart?
This question is, naturally, a little more persistent and weighty during Thanksgiving and Christmas. The social pressure to give out of obligation is very high. Last year I think I pretty much boycotted the social aspect of Christmas all together out of sheer rebellion against the thing. But this year, I am trying to come out and live the new life...a life founded on true generosity. It's going to be considerably more challenging than the normal way of looking at Christmas.
I'm encouraged by the fact that other Christians are thinking this way too. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend this video.
I am especially confused by my landlord. Who starts out with positive points? Is it me, because I pay him money to live there? Is it him, because he does things like rescue me with fancy drain cleaners that make my shower drain work again? I don't know. But he is constantly giving me vegetables, and once even a chocolate cake that was possibly the best cake I had ever eaten. Day before yesterday, he told me to wait when I was leaving my apartment, and then ran inside, returning moments later with a sweet potato the size of a small cat. A year ago I tried to gain some positive points with my landlord. I had baked pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving and I brought him some for him and his wife. Not five minutes after I had delivered the pie, he was upstairs at my door delivering sweets of his own.
One of my students has been supplying me with baked goods every week. She told me, "I want to support your Japanese test taking in this way." And I must admit...it was the greatest thing ever to return to Hongo Sunday night, the monster Japanese test out of the way, and find chocolate cake on my desk with a note saying, "To: Pamela. You must be tired! Have some "sweats". Fm: N." Only after she came back and asked me if she'd written down "sweets" or "sweats" did I realize she had written "sweats", but it makes the note ten times more precious. :-)
Today I received an email from a student that said, "C. and I are planning to give you a Christmas present today. She has taken care of it for 3 weeks." I kind of chuckled, wondering if I am about to receive a puppy. I'm not sure what it will be. But I am reflecting on how living in Japan has helped me a lot to receive gifts freely and thankfully. There are so many times that I get something that is *impossible* to reciprocate. And believe it or not, it is good for me. The "points" system kind of breaks down after awhile. It's no longer about "am I okay with my landlord?" It's more about...what does it mean to live thankfully and generously? This is what our relationship with God is too...He's already given us so much that the point system is broken. There is no way to "get enough points" to work our way back to equal. There is an incredible freedom in that...the "point system" being broken, what is left to do but give from the heart?
This question is, naturally, a little more persistent and weighty during Thanksgiving and Christmas. The social pressure to give out of obligation is very high. Last year I think I pretty much boycotted the social aspect of Christmas all together out of sheer rebellion against the thing. But this year, I am trying to come out and live the new life...a life founded on true generosity. It's going to be considerably more challenging than the normal way of looking at Christmas.
I'm encouraged by the fact that other Christians are thinking this way too. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend this video.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Key this Saturday and Japanese Tests
There were ten minutes left in our Key meeting this Saturday when Jenae asked us, "What has God been teaching you recently?" Normally at Key we are struggling to figure out what language to speak in. We have a commitment to being bilingual...which really means we have a commitment to everyone understanding what's going on, not necessarily true bilingualness at this point. This often simplifies our conversation quite a bit.
Yesterday, however, a Korean church member came to Key for the first time. Without being asked, he started translating what everyone was saying. I am in awe. I enjoy translating from Japanese to English quite a bit when I actually know what's going on...but his first language is Korean. It would be like me going from Japanese to Spanish.
So, we were able to get quite a bit of depth. It was lovely! This is a group of people that has never been the same even one meeting...we are constantly getting newcomers. But with one question it was obvious we have managed to create a really safe place for people to share.
I also really enjoyed the fact that, even though I brought my guitar, I did not play one stroke on it, nor was I asked to. Ken and Sungbong had the guitar the whole time and were freely sharing their worship gifts with us. I love it when people just volunteer to play instruments!
In other news, I took my impossible Japanese test today.
A nice surprise was meeting up with a girl I knew when we got off the subway. We got to check in afterwards, bemoan what a hard test it was, and hang out for awhile to take pictures of the ginkgo trees with golden leaves at the university where the test was held. My friend said she thought it would be a miracle if she passed the test, but I had to think it wouldn't be a miracle if I passed...it would be a sure sign of some kind of error at the test center. ;-)
Actually, I think the listening section went okay. But the reading and grammar section was potentially the biggest joke in the world. I was filling in bubbles thinking..."I wonder why I am even bothering to do this? I could just mark all the answers "2" and then put my head down and take a nap and I'd probably do just as well."
On the one hand, I did understand a little of one of the reading sections...it was about a girl on a date in Roppongi who saw a cat in a plastic bucket, but she thought it was a penguin. And then she got mad at her boyfriend for laughing at her. At least...that was my interpretation of it. :-)
Perhaps one day I will be able to read Japanese, and it will be an awesome day. But for now, my two months of "intensive" Japanese study are over and I'm going to return to life as usual again. Yay!
Yesterday, however, a Korean church member came to Key for the first time. Without being asked, he started translating what everyone was saying. I am in awe. I enjoy translating from Japanese to English quite a bit when I actually know what's going on...but his first language is Korean. It would be like me going from Japanese to Spanish.
So, we were able to get quite a bit of depth. It was lovely! This is a group of people that has never been the same even one meeting...we are constantly getting newcomers. But with one question it was obvious we have managed to create a really safe place for people to share.
I also really enjoyed the fact that, even though I brought my guitar, I did not play one stroke on it, nor was I asked to. Ken and Sungbong had the guitar the whole time and were freely sharing their worship gifts with us. I love it when people just volunteer to play instruments!
In other news, I took my impossible Japanese test today.
A nice surprise was meeting up with a girl I knew when we got off the subway. We got to check in afterwards, bemoan what a hard test it was, and hang out for awhile to take pictures of the ginkgo trees with golden leaves at the university where the test was held. My friend said she thought it would be a miracle if she passed the test, but I had to think it wouldn't be a miracle if I passed...it would be a sure sign of some kind of error at the test center. ;-)
Actually, I think the listening section went okay. But the reading and grammar section was potentially the biggest joke in the world. I was filling in bubbles thinking..."I wonder why I am even bothering to do this? I could just mark all the answers "2" and then put my head down and take a nap and I'd probably do just as well."
On the one hand, I did understand a little of one of the reading sections...it was about a girl on a date in Roppongi who saw a cat in a plastic bucket, but she thought it was a penguin. And then she got mad at her boyfriend for laughing at her. At least...that was my interpretation of it. :-)
Perhaps one day I will be able to read Japanese, and it will be an awesome day. But for now, my two months of "intensive" Japanese study are over and I'm going to return to life as usual again. Yay!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Sunday
This is the real story, verses all the abstract processing in the other entry.
So, Sunday was really great this week. This was partially because I was really sick this week, and so I was actually somewhat rested when Sunday came around. But it was one of those days for just being present at church.
In Japan there is a day once a year when children are brought to shrines to be blessed. Many churches have an alternative day to this where the children can get blessed. Our day was today, and we had maybe ten kids and babies in church. Everything from a month old baby nestled quietly against her mother to a missionary kid still sniffling over not being allowed candy during church.
There was also a guy at our church for the first time who I met at the youth gathering two months ago. He and Ken and I got Chinese bentos for lunch and hung out, while the kids ran around and caused fun chaos. One girl came in and gave us a crash "English" lesson. It began by asking us if she should write in Japanese or English, and I shouted out "Spanish". We had a ten section lesson of how to say "Hola" and then they dashed out again.
Apparently they are getting ready for a Christmas play which has all the elements in the making to be a wonderful time. Mostly I am excited about Jessica (the missionaries' 5 year old daughter) being Mary and Sungbong (A 30-something Korean guy at Hongo who is well loved by all the kids) being Joseph. He was informed this by Jessica's mother, and he turned to Jessica's father and said "Yoroshiku". That doesn't really translate, but in that context it probably means something like, "Please look kindly on me since I am about to marry your daughter."
The new guy at church was a good guy as well, and commented how everyone just left after the service at his other church, but he really liked being able to hang out at Hongo. He definitely got baptized into our community...we young folk were all enlisted to stuff pew cushions into covers that Etsuko accidentally shrunk while ironing. After a valiant battle we managed it. :-)
I was reminded just how much I love my church...where else can you get a 10 second "English" lesson from a seven year old Japanese girl, check in with a woman you've been praying with and talking to for months since she got evicted from her apartment and hear about the new place she's moved into, get in pew cushion cover stuffing contest which is looked on by a bunch of women making pumpkin bread, get in deep conversations about how we figure out our future and depend on God at the same time...and what it really means to depend on God anyway, and worship all in the same day?!
So, Sunday was really great this week. This was partially because I was really sick this week, and so I was actually somewhat rested when Sunday came around. But it was one of those days for just being present at church.
In Japan there is a day once a year when children are brought to shrines to be blessed. Many churches have an alternative day to this where the children can get blessed. Our day was today, and we had maybe ten kids and babies in church. Everything from a month old baby nestled quietly against her mother to a missionary kid still sniffling over not being allowed candy during church.
There was also a guy at our church for the first time who I met at the youth gathering two months ago. He and Ken and I got Chinese bentos for lunch and hung out, while the kids ran around and caused fun chaos. One girl came in and gave us a crash "English" lesson. It began by asking us if she should write in Japanese or English, and I shouted out "Spanish". We had a ten section lesson of how to say "Hola" and then they dashed out again.
Apparently they are getting ready for a Christmas play which has all the elements in the making to be a wonderful time. Mostly I am excited about Jessica (the missionaries' 5 year old daughter) being Mary and Sungbong (A 30-something Korean guy at Hongo who is well loved by all the kids) being Joseph. He was informed this by Jessica's mother, and he turned to Jessica's father and said "Yoroshiku". That doesn't really translate, but in that context it probably means something like, "Please look kindly on me since I am about to marry your daughter."
The new guy at church was a good guy as well, and commented how everyone just left after the service at his other church, but he really liked being able to hang out at Hongo. He definitely got baptized into our community...we young folk were all enlisted to stuff pew cushions into covers that Etsuko accidentally shrunk while ironing. After a valiant battle we managed it. :-)
I was reminded just how much I love my church...where else can you get a 10 second "English" lesson from a seven year old Japanese girl, check in with a woman you've been praying with and talking to for months since she got evicted from her apartment and hear about the new place she's moved into, get in pew cushion cover stuffing contest which is looked on by a bunch of women making pumpkin bread, get in deep conversations about how we figure out our future and depend on God at the same time...and what it really means to depend on God anyway, and worship all in the same day?!
Being and Doing
My senior year at college I took a seminar about vocation. For my final project, I wrote this paper about the vocation of the church as an institution...I had to make the title that long and fancy because the professor didn't know what I was talking about when I said I wanted to write about the calling of the church. Really the issue I was wondering about was one that had bothered me ever since I did an internship in urban ministry...what is more important: evangelism or social action?
But amid the "Great Commission" enthusiasts that I read about, and those with bleeding hearts for the materially poor, there was one dissident voice. I think it was Mennonite. They said that the church existed simply "to be".
Actually, I scoffed at this at the time. I was a senior in college, trapped in a classroom when there was a world out there in need of acting Christians. I wanted out. I was through with books and wanted real people, the needier the better. I wanted to DO.
Recently I was listening to a friend talking about her ministry and she talked about it being simply to "be"...to live among the people she was living with. I've heard people say other things like that before, and it always strikes me. I've had friends tell me they are jealous of my sense of calling before...this idea that I know what I want to do. I am constantly off trying to start prayer movements, prayer rooms, activities...but what is the goal of all this?
The reason I pray is not because I'm one of those people who really gets a kick out of praying. I once read an article by an intercessor who was describing one day where it was really difficult for her to pray and how it made her understand Christians who were not intercessors. I read the article thinking..."That's amazing...her one day having a hard time praying is what prayer is for me EVERY day." I pray out of a love for God, not out of a love for prayer. The reason I take a whole day to do it a week is because I spent the first half of the day fighting to even sit down at all. It takes me a day to get a good hour with God.
So, no. The goal isn't the activities themselves. The goal is that a whole lot of people, whether Christian or non (the difference in ministering to the two groups doesn't seem so different anymore) would come to know God's heart for them. The activities are just trying to set up situations where that will happen.
There is a book called "Captivating" about women. In the book, I remember there being one woman who they described as constantly striving. They presented this idea that all that was really required of her from God was to exist...that she was enough as she was without all the projects. The book describes her as "softening" at that point and saying how it would be both sad and a relief. Sad because she had spent so much time striving.
There was another woman in the book who was very active in the church. She made the decision to stop leading Bible studies and women's groups and the like, earning her intense criticism from other church leaders. But there was a peace around her after that that hadn't been there before.
These two stories stuck out to me quite a bit at the time, and I've been remembering them again recently (though I've probably butchered the retelling a bit). Part of me is yearning with everything it has just to let go...to let the world run itself and Jesus be savior. Another part of me is condemning myself as apathetic or complacent or lazy or whatever.
This week a girl named April is praying and fasting about starting a prayer house in Tokyo. She felt led to ask me and two other people to be especially devoted to the project this week and to pray and fast along with her. Yesterday she asked me to come to the prayer house and pray with them, and I was filled with dread. Do you want to know what I did? It was a Monday...I always stay at home on Mondays. But I just wanted to be with Kat and Jenae. So, I went out and watched a super intense movie and hung out in a five person group (an awkward dynamic in and of itself). Not the most restful, Sabbath type activity. But, as I am sitting here writing this, I have to think I would do it again. Because, at the end of the day...it's the people I have close relationships with that I really want to give myself to.
Is it really possible that the best way to give oneself to God, that the greatest calling one can have, is simply to be?
But amid the "Great Commission" enthusiasts that I read about, and those with bleeding hearts for the materially poor, there was one dissident voice. I think it was Mennonite. They said that the church existed simply "to be".
Actually, I scoffed at this at the time. I was a senior in college, trapped in a classroom when there was a world out there in need of acting Christians. I wanted out. I was through with books and wanted real people, the needier the better. I wanted to DO.
Recently I was listening to a friend talking about her ministry and she talked about it being simply to "be"...to live among the people she was living with. I've heard people say other things like that before, and it always strikes me. I've had friends tell me they are jealous of my sense of calling before...this idea that I know what I want to do. I am constantly off trying to start prayer movements, prayer rooms, activities...but what is the goal of all this?
The reason I pray is not because I'm one of those people who really gets a kick out of praying. I once read an article by an intercessor who was describing one day where it was really difficult for her to pray and how it made her understand Christians who were not intercessors. I read the article thinking..."That's amazing...her one day having a hard time praying is what prayer is for me EVERY day." I pray out of a love for God, not out of a love for prayer. The reason I take a whole day to do it a week is because I spent the first half of the day fighting to even sit down at all. It takes me a day to get a good hour with God.
So, no. The goal isn't the activities themselves. The goal is that a whole lot of people, whether Christian or non (the difference in ministering to the two groups doesn't seem so different anymore) would come to know God's heart for them. The activities are just trying to set up situations where that will happen.
There is a book called "Captivating" about women. In the book, I remember there being one woman who they described as constantly striving. They presented this idea that all that was really required of her from God was to exist...that she was enough as she was without all the projects. The book describes her as "softening" at that point and saying how it would be both sad and a relief. Sad because she had spent so much time striving.
There was another woman in the book who was very active in the church. She made the decision to stop leading Bible studies and women's groups and the like, earning her intense criticism from other church leaders. But there was a peace around her after that that hadn't been there before.
These two stories stuck out to me quite a bit at the time, and I've been remembering them again recently (though I've probably butchered the retelling a bit). Part of me is yearning with everything it has just to let go...to let the world run itself and Jesus be savior. Another part of me is condemning myself as apathetic or complacent or lazy or whatever.
This week a girl named April is praying and fasting about starting a prayer house in Tokyo. She felt led to ask me and two other people to be especially devoted to the project this week and to pray and fast along with her. Yesterday she asked me to come to the prayer house and pray with them, and I was filled with dread. Do you want to know what I did? It was a Monday...I always stay at home on Mondays. But I just wanted to be with Kat and Jenae. So, I went out and watched a super intense movie and hung out in a five person group (an awkward dynamic in and of itself). Not the most restful, Sabbath type activity. But, as I am sitting here writing this, I have to think I would do it again. Because, at the end of the day...it's the people I have close relationships with that I really want to give myself to.
Is it really possible that the best way to give oneself to God, that the greatest calling one can have, is simply to be?
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