Before I get into my vague ramblings about this past week, things are gearing up to begin the transition process here in Tokyo. My last Sunday at Hachioji Church is tomorrow, my first day working at the Hongo Center (passing out brochures) will be Monday, and I will be moving into my new apartment in stages between Monday and Wednesday. It doesn't quite feel real yet...I'm hoping to get some good conversations in with my new supervisor when we're working together on Monday.
This week has been...kind of like living in the book of Acts. I wish I could tell you more about it, but I could only do that one on one, where I can take into account what people believe and what they don't believe. I would just like to say, God is real. I've believed that all my life, but as of this week, that belief takes a different turn. It is changing from a place where that belief meant that I placed my life in His hands to a place where that belief is the foundation for every action I take...where I have to trust not only that God exists but that He is working through me, and as a result cast away my shyness and fear and desire to please others. I have to trust that enough to tell others much more of what is on my mind than I have ever told them before, even while knowing that I am a sinner and will, at times, lead them astray by opening my mouth. I also have to trust, as a result, that it is fundamentally important that I am faithful. To know that prayer and reading the Bible and worship are not just activities to be done over and over again for no purpose, but that they are my very lifeblood in a world full of dangers.
Anyway...I know none of that makes any sense whatsoever without the context. I just wanted to say it. Because this week has changed my life and my faith forever. I feel much older, and like there is a boldness coming out in me that never existed before. I also feel very small...my God is huge and works in ways that leave me panting with exhaustion even as I marvel at Him. In Japan, I have decided He is like Mt. Fuji. Fuji is always there, but most of the time Fuji is covered up with smog and clouds. Then, the wind changes and sweeps all the haze away, and there is Fuji, stunning, rising above all the other mountains, capped majestically with snow. And you can do nothing but fall to your knees in wonder of the beauty. So it is with God. And when His presence is made known, it is like touching the very deepest of all human emotions at the same time. It is knowing the intense grief of the tears that God cries for the sufferings of this world, the anger that burns against the powers of darkness, the childlike joy He feels in spending time with any one of His children, and the love. The love that is so deep that it cannot begin to be boxed by human words. I am in awe of Him.
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