I have a tendency to give other people the advice I actually need to hear. My younger sister has been trying to figure out her path in life recently. And when she went from, "I'm going to culinary school" to "I'm going to be an aquarium scientist!"...I told her, "Just give yourself permission to be lost for a little while! You don't have to figure out your life just yet."
Do you ever have those times in life when you desperately want God to have spoken, and so you keep trying to see his speaking everywhere...yet he hasn't really spoken yet? I have this problem sometimes. Especially during transitions. My projections of the future have been flopping from continent to continent like crazy these past few weeks. It's looked something like this:
-I'm pretty sure God's not going to let me go back to Japan. But, India has been popping up a lot. I think I might be going there.
-On second thought, maybe I should go to med school...
-Never mind...I still hate needles. On a different note...that guy was really interesting and he might move to Afghanistan to do Bible translating. We could get married, and...
-No planning marriages with people you've only met once, Pamela! Moving on...isn't it interesting how easy it was to pray for Albania compared to other countries...and there is church planting ministry there! Maybe I'll look for mission work in Albania.
-Though I also have a heart for Burma...but that's tricky. I wonder where I'd need to be to become part of that...
-No, I think I might be going back to Japan after all. In fact, I'm going to join a ministry fairly similar to the one I was just a part of...
-What, am I crazy?! I really don't want English teaching to be my ministry anymore. It drains energy from the ministries I think are really important...*returns to Asian Access website for the first time in several months* ...maybe I'll be a church planter in Japan.
This all seems suspiciously like an indication that God has not spoken yet about what I'm doing next. But, the fun part about discerning is that, God actually is speaking. I just won't recognize the pieces until He thinks I'm ready. I was realizing that a lot of the countries I'm attracted to have something in common: they're underdog countries in the spiritual world.
Did you know that Albania has a super high concentration of Muslims? I ached for them while we were praying just thinking of how many lies they've heard throughout their existence. Under the iron curtain, their government told them they were the most developed nation in the world. The curtain fell and the truth was obvious. The lies continue, though...as the outside world tries to tell them that material things will bring the satisfaction they want. Islam promises satisfaction through a religious system and one's own holiness rather than Christ's. I yearn for truth in Albania.
Burma / Myanmar grabbed my heart when the cyclone hit during my first 24/7 week at Hongo. That meant I had plenty of time to pray for things, and, not knowing *anything* about Burma I pleaded that God would use the disaster to open the doors for His love to make it in. Only later did I realize how serious the need for this is. I looked everywhere for a group to go with to do volunteer work in Burma during that summer vacation...the government thwarted the Assemblies of God group I found. We were told by our Christian contact we would be allowed to go and be driven around to see the damage, but if we tried to rebuild anything we would be arrested. We didn't go.
Though the outside is completely different, I think Japan has a lot in common with Albania and Burma. I know I can't put that into words.
I don't know if God will give me a chance to touch all these places that I love...or a chance for my love for Albania or Burma to actually be tested and purified into something deep and real rather than a surface emotion. But it's been a good realization these past few weeks: I can serve God anywhere. There isn't a corner of this world that doesn't need missionaries. And I think the front line of mission work is going to be defined more by *who* God has made us to be than *where* God has placed us. There is a kind of freedom in that...freedom to laugh at myself when I don't have a clue and make ridiculous grand assumptions about where I'm going. And freedom to continue to be a missionary all the same, because that is who I am, wherever I am.
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