Father's Day Indian Feast

I got a book for my birthday called "Classic Indian Cooking". It was recommended by my cousin--at least, I hope it was. She couldn't remember the title, but this book seemed to fit her description. I'm excited about it...I've dabbled a little in making curry with recipes from allrecipes.com, but wanted to learn how to do it really well.

<--Step One: Mixing spices, roasting them in the oven, and grinding them to make the spice mix garam masala. This is a close-up of the spices before roasting.

Since I got the cookbook, my dad and I have been planning to cook together. The project would take two days...we planned to go all out...making as many ingredients from scratch as possible. And, it turned out that the two of us (with help from Becc and Mom as they were willing and needed) cooked all through Father's Day...we started around 2:30 and got dinner on the table by 8:30. (much earlier than our mid-cooking estimates of 11pm ;-)

The day before, my dad and I boiled milk to make homemade Indian cheese (paneer). -->
It was fascinating. You boil the milk and then dump in some lemon juice and the curds form almost immediately. You rinse all the lemon out of the cheese curds, squeeze them in cheese cloth, hang them to dry for a couple hours, squish them under a pot of water for a couple more hours, and then cut them into chunks, as in the picture.

This was the main curry I made
<--(matar paneer) and Becc graciously joined me when things got tricky. It's a tomato based sauce with cheese and peas...and lots of spices, of course!

In the end, we realized we wanted lassis! -->
(sweet yogurt drinks) My sister is the queen of smoothies, and quickly took over the project. Even though we had no mango,
these were maybe the best lassis I've ever had.

My dad is an amazing cook. I keep telling him that his next job should be owning his own restaurant...I can imagine him having a blast talking to all kinds of neighborhood people and unveiling his new masterpieces every day. He's the kind of guy who will make an eight course Indian meal--never having made any of the eight courses before--and invites 24 people to our house to eat it. He started cooking Indian at my urging sometime around when I graduated from college. I think he's come to really love it too. He keeps telling me he doesn't want to be this crazy everyday, though...I guess he likes being a pastor. ;-)

These are my dad's four dishes he made. (over achiever!!!) He made a dal (lentil dish), an egg curry, a rice pilaf, and plain basmati rice. Oh...and also chai for after dinner. Yum!

Once, in Tokyo, I sat in a Denny's with my stateside program director and my Japanese program director. They asked me, among other things, about the inter-denominational work I was doing. This led to a discussion about the difference between a "theology of the cross" and a "theology of glory". I found myself arguing that the theologies were two sides of the same coin...one a mark of our complete dependence on God and the other the glory of God that flows through us as a result of the cross and the giving of the Holy Spirit. My Japanese program director exclaimed, "That's very Lutheran!"

Sometime around then, I was worshiping in "the church next door to my church." An Assemblies of God church called GAP (Gospel Assembly of Praise). There is a time for sharing and prayer requests, and one girl told us a fairly heavy burden. The pastor invited her up, and invited all of us to pray for her. We got up and gathered around her...it was one of those times when I felt a particularly strong need to pray, and so I didn't even think...I leaped up and laid hands on her along with some others. It wasn't until we were done praying that I realized that the people who had laid hands on her and who had prayed aloud were: the pastor, two girls from the worship team, another girl strongly involved in church leadership, and me. Thankfully, it seemed that was fine. One of those church leaders said to me afterward, "You fit in really well here."

I've tried to describe my need for both churches to various people. In one discussion it came down to: I worship with my mind with the Lutherans, and I worship with my heart at GAP. To another person I confessed: I feel a lack of freedom in the Lutheran church when I'm happy, and I feel a lack of freedom in the Assemblies church when I'm sad. Lutherans look at you with funny eyebrows if you throw your hands up in the air or suggest that dancing is one of the best ways to worship. Pentecostals look at you with a "deer in the headlights" expression if you tell them that you're very frustrated with something you're doing for God...God is going to come through, after all, isn't he? (these are all stereotypes, of course...and I'll be the first to let you know that there are people throughout both churches that shatter the stereotypes)

My hometown has 27 churches for 7000 people. Compare this with Tokyo which has a little more than half a church per 7000 people. But even with all those options, I haven't found a church where I can get that "GAP" style worship and still attend my home Lutheran congregation in the same week. Starving for "hands in the air", "spirit-led" worship, I finally gave in and attended a local foursquare church yesterday morning as a break from my regular home church.

The worship was what I was longing for, and it filled me somewhere very deep. I had to be very amused as well, because the pastor got up for his message and started talking about change and transition. His whole sermon centered around the idea of God forcing us into times of change we wouldn't have chosen for ourselves with the purpose of giving us a broader picture of who He is. A few things he said really struck me. One was that, in times of change, in his experience, God won't give enough answers to satisfy our attempts to cling to a feeling of security. God wants us to trust Him, not to feel like everything is secure and worked through. He also said that, in any time of change, we would have a choice. And the choice is this: 1) grumble or 2) allow the life of Jesus to flow through you in the midst of the uncertainty or pain.

I like being told I have a choice. I feel like God has been dead silent about whatever my future holds...even as some choices have had to be made and discussions and searching begin...I sometimes feel like all my future thoughts are conducted with God just silently watching, an unreadable expression on His face. That kind of eerie silence that eventually drives me back to him with some kind of exasperation...saying something like, "What?! Be happy for me! Be mad at me! Be sad about what I'm doing! Be...anything other than silent!"

And, truthfully, he hasn't been silent. If I could summarize my interactions with God over the past few weeks into a short conversation, it might go like this:

Pamela: God, where am I going? Am I messing up? Am I overstepping in any way? Am I hoping for something I shouldn't be hoping in?
God: Put me first. I'm the only one you can trust.
Pamela: Right. Got that. Now...since I'm trying to put you first, how about letting me know if these future talks are getting in the way of anything you're planning for me?
God: Have you noticed the special place you're in right now? You really don't want to miss it.
Pamela: I don't think we're talking about the same thing here...
God: You're right. I'm talking about where you are. I'm setting life and death before you in your present circumstances...choose life!

Choices...to grumble, or to be life-giving? There's something about being told: "you're choosing between grumbling and allowing Jesus to work through you" that fills me with determination. I want so badly to learn how to serve him and be faithful to him in this day to day stuff...in the indefinite with no goals, agendas, or plans.

June 19th, 2009

I would like to ask you a favor. Would you please get on your knees, right now while you're reading this and not some later undefined time, and spend at least 5-10 minutes praying for Japan? Please. I think the timing is crucial.

Please cry out for God to be glorified, for his purposes to be accomplished, for the devil's plots to be disarmed, for God to anoint those speaking and that his words would be heard, for the kind of sweep through of the Holy Spirit that brings clarity of sin and therefore true repentance and transformation, and also ask the Holy Spirit to pray through you as he promises when you don't know how to pray.

Thank you, friend.

I got to take a Japanese class!!!

So, in the past few weeks I went from thinking I might be going to Hong Kong...and then I figured out I probably wasn't going to Hong Kong...and then I went on vacation, had a wonderful time with my friend Haidee, got to go visit my uncle with Leukemia in the hospital and be encouraged by his heart and spirit in the middle of something that's got to be kind of scary, and spent several days with my mom and sister at my 92-year-old grandpa's house. On Sunday I take off again with the family for Utah and Colorado to see national parks and my dad's family. There is my 2 second update.

The night I got home from all my travelling, I had a conversation with a friend that kicked me into high action mode again. Not to say that running around the nation visiting people isn't high action...but that kind of action gear that I kick into when I have a vision.

And so...the next day, I found myself hardcore spending time with God...as well as making myself a budget, planning my next move, and searching for an online Japanese class.

Tonight I tried my first online Japanese class for the trial price of $3 for 50 minutes. I tried the Beginner 2 level, which still uses a textbook and should be about JLPT 3kyu level. The class was super structured and quite easy...a very safe place to pull out Japanese that's gotten a little rusty. And at the end the teacher recommended I try the next level up. But despite not learning too much that was new...I found myself glowing from head to foot once the class was over. The teacher is a Japanese person living in Japan. I'm excited to try the intermediate class next time and see if I get to talk freely more...even though I know I could use the structure of learning the grammar at the Beginner 2 level. But really, I can study grammar on my own. It was just so wonderful to speak Japanese!

Today I also made the semi-decision that when I move to the Twin Cities I'm going to move by train. The train system in America is ridiculously lacking...and I want to do whatever possible to support it. So, the plan I am super excited about is to buy a 15 day rail pass and travel to the Twin Cities in the following way: Denver-->Sacramento-->Portland-->Seattle-->Glacier National Park-->Minneapolis. This is less than half the cost of renting a car, will allow me to see my Northwest friends, get the nice long processing time I have been longing for, get some possible quality time with beautiful scenary in Montana...I've never been to Glacier before...I can bring slightly more luggage than on an airplane...and I get to support the American train system all at the same time.

Anyway...it's been so good to be able to spend the past two days more or less withdrawn and with God. I can never sing enough praises for the way a day with God changes absolutely everything. Like the entire world goes from being this threatening thing that's trying to beat me up to a place that seems to just radiate with possibilities and His presence. The problems don't necessarily go away, but it's like they change from giants into mice. And then I can laugh at them. ^_~

This entry feels splattered all over the place, but that's kind of what my brain has been doing the past few days anyway.

I like building things

We have a bird feeder in our backyard that has been around about as long as I have. So it got to where it looked like this...



You can't tell in the picture, but it got to where it's held together with string and all that.

For mother's day, my dad had the idea that we could take it to a church member's workshop and fix it up. I've been to this workshop two times before. The first was in sixth grade when I was building a huge rat maze for the science fair. The second was for high school youth group when Doug (the church member) helped us design and construct little alters to keep at home. Even though my ideas always end up more elaborate than what I can actually build, each time has been memorable to me.

This time made me think about the spiritual gift of craftsmanship...how many spiritual gifts discussions include it and how I've seen so little of it in action. Doug's workshop is a collection of a bazillion little odds and ends...random nuts and bolts, hinges, rare African woods...anything you could need to build anything. And there's something different about the entire place...not that I've been in too many workshops, but this one is a real spiritual place.

Even though we were repairing a bird feeder for my mom, Doug had set up a project for me to make a new bird feeder too. It's made out of the plastic container some Venetian blinds were in, four chopsticks, a Wyoming license plate and a few more wood parts. It was super easy to put together...just drilling holes, using a nail gun, a sander. But it reminded me of the little bedside table I made in Tokyo...that was just a board that I painted, but putting a coat of red on that board would light up my whole day.

(I was fascinated also when I brought my guitar into the Christian music store to get repaired. The man working on it was blind. He proclaimed, "Let me see your guitar!" and then laughed and said, "Well, that's an oxymoron for a blind guy." I liked him immediately. I watched him tinker around with it...he fixed the peg and by touch could tell that the neck wasn't quite in alignment, and with a couple screws he made my guitar play better than it ever has. And I found myself wondering how many years it would take me to learn how to make something like a guitar from scratch. Haha. Yep...I'm still on vacation with no vision.)

But anyway...back to Doug's workshop...we fixed up my family's bird feeder. In the end, we left almost all the outer parts, but we took the whole thing apart and strengthened it. It was straighter and everything. When we were done, Doug asked if anyone had a blessing for it. I was thinking...yeah...it's a bird feeder. I'll do blessings for a lot of things...but not bird feeders.

But he got out a candle and set it in front of the bird feeder. We were silent for a few moments. Doug and my dad prayed. And Doug started talking about how this bird feeder reminded him of our church. They're in the middle of doing Natural Church Development, and they were told their weakest aspect was passionate spirituality. So, right now, they're looking at how to grow in that.

As he talked about how we had revamped the whole bird feeder but we had kept the old, beautiful parts, and how that was like our church right now, I felt as though the Holy Spirit had just dropped down on us. It wasn't his words, so to speak...just one of those times that feels very sacred. I was holding back tears at the beauty of the whole experience as we said goodbye to Doug.

It's so funny how God keeps answering the heart cry of, "Where can I go and be with God?". The places haven't been anywhere I would think to look for him...I usually look for churches, not workshops or international student houses. It's also notable that none of these places are places I can return to...they're "rest stops" on the way to somewhere else...somewhere to get a drink of water before the journey continues. And I am incredibly thankful for the gift.

Cause for Celebration

My guitar made it home!!!

I was started to get really worried, because the post office in Japan said 2 weeks, and it's been something like a month. Apparently they did not take rural Wyoming into consideration. So, my mom came into the house today with our backed up mail from while we were gone last week, and my guitar was with it!

Unfortunately, one of the pegs broke in transport, so my d-string is unalterably something like ten octaves lower than the other strings and horribly out of tune. But I don't think replacing the peg should be such a big deal.

I am especially celebrating the return of my guitar case along with my guitar. Since my friends all got together to give it to me, it actually has more sentimental value to me than the guitar itself. (Shh...don't tell my guitar!) ;-)

In case any of you were very concerned about Ebony, I also was able to rescue him yesterday morning. He was very excited to make it out of that teeny cage and nearly took my arm off when I walked him to the car. So, I headed for the hills with him and we went out to run and play in Red Canyon. That dog remains a stubborn rebel, though. He found a deer carcass and ran off with a five inch long bone from the leg. I'm chasing after him, trying to woo the bone out of his mouth with treats, but apparently the bone looked nicer to him than treats and obeying me. I finally sat down about twenty feet away from him. I ate my sandwich. He ate an entire deer leg bone. And once he had (I kid you not) swallowed the whole thing, he was willing to trot alongside me again. Sigh...you try to make a dog happy...

I think he was still cranky from being in jail. He was so exhausted he slept the entire rest of the day. ;-)

Where is home anyway?

I had a whole new blog entry spiraling off the end of the last one, so I'm just going to write two entries back to back.

Some of the most painful words spoken to me since I've been in the States came from a complete stranger, who was very well-meaning. He said brightly and cheerfully, "Welcome home!" Not only was I in the States, but separated from my family and friends, and in midst of a culture shock attack. I couldn't even respond for a moment, but finally put on a nice smile and said, "Thank you."

It's also been surprising to see many Christians calling my hometown "God's country". I've seen or heard this three times now. Once was in a prayer meeting where they made reference to someone "being back in God's country". My heart had been crying out Psalm 42 the whole meeting, "My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. Where can I go and meet with God?" Now, I know that when they call Lander "God's country", what they mean is that the mountains are to die for. But it seemed so ironic while I'm longing for the kind of intimacy with God that only comes in a community...welcome to God's country.

I've been thinking a lot about citizenship in the Kingdom of God. The real one, that is. Not something special about Lander, Wyoming. There are a couple of times that I've felt very at home since coming back. It always feels like a safe place has just descended around me in the middle of the storm.

My brother took me into his dorm room for two nights while I was traveling this week. He was generous to me way beyond what was necessary. My favorite was that there was this bathroom that was co-ed at the end of his hallway. The problem was that the door wouldn't lock, and my brother swears that some of the guys will just storm in there without knocking. So, it didn't matter what time of day it was, if I was going to go to the bathroom, Charlie was going to stand guard. We were up watching movies until 3am one night, and I tried to tell him I would be just fine when I headed for the restroom afterwards. But he insisted that the guys might be drunk, and stood guard all the same, putting on this wonderful stern guard face for the occasion.

While I was with my brother, I had the strongest sense of home I have had yet on one particular occasion. Charlie showed a kind of understanding that had to have been Holy Spirit inspired, because even *I* couldn't have told him it was a good idea ahead of time. He took me to the international student house on his college campus to play Settlers of Catan. The house is home to a Christian group as well as many international students. And I found that I really felt at home there, and like I could connect to people again. We stayed for hours...ate cheesy bread, played Settlers, talked about God a bit...I didn't know a soul there besides my brother, and yet I was suddenly safe.

There was a guy there who didn't really like our board game playing too much, I don't think. He kept saying, "A bunch of Christians acting like non-Christians." I didn't know him well enough to know if he was teasing us or serious. But it seemed so funny to me...that one person's "a bunch of Christians acting like non-Christians" seemed like beautiful Christian community to me...where we just sit back and laugh and eat together; and Jesus' name is dropped in casual conversation.